Yup. It's just about the end of the year.
While many businesses are slowing down-as people are drinking spiked Eggnog wearing ugly sweaters while pretending to be working- there's time to ponder love and life. Sure, things can also be hectic this time of year, but there's always time to think about love....
For some of us, the hustle and bustle have to do with deciding which gifts to buy those loved ones who are crowding around the Christmas tree. Or were just lighting a menorah. Gift-giving can be particularly stressful when buying for significant others--especially in new relationships. And it starts young.
So what do I think you should do this holiday season--besides buying a thoughtful gift for your special someone? (If, of course, you have one.)
1. Take stock of how things are going in your love life--no matter what your status.
Are your online dating profiles working for you or against you?
Are you dating someone who still hasn't committed to you--leaving you feeling unstable and insecure?
Is holiday loneliness getting the best of you--bringing up old feelings and the desire to reach out to people you'd rather not think about? Like the ex you tried to get over? The one who got away?
The first step to getting what you want in your love life is understanding your reality and making decisions based on that--instead of the fantasy in your head.
2. Come up with a PLAN for the new year.
Wouldn't it be amazing if 2018 really was the last year that you struggled in your love life? And 2019 was the one you made all your dreams come true?
If you believe that you deserve more than a bunch of boring dates, an emotionally shut down partner, or "crumbs" from someone who could take or leave a relationship with you, it is time to take action!
What you really need is a clear step by step protocol to get more exposure to quality singles, help your current partner give you what you deserve, provide that person one last chance ..... or whatever else it is your heart desires. Because if you keep doing what you have always done, you will always get what you've always got.
There are SO many ways to go about transforming your love life. There's a whole world full of opportunities and ways to empower yourself with knowledge. You could scour the self-help/relationships section in your local bookstore, gets tons of advice from podcasts and videos, talk to a professional like myself. You may even want to talk to God--if that's your thing. Or just get really quiet on a meditation chair.
Just, please, find the courage inside of you to do these two things before the end of the year! You can thank me later.
Disclaimer: The following message is not a personal attack on your cooking skills this Thanksgiving! Of course, there is nothing wrong with actually mashing actual potatoes either.....
It is also totally normal to be bored out of your mind during the holiday weekend. Brace yourself for mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, binging on a new Netflix series, or, ya know, just wasting time staring at your phone.
Did I mention having enough of your family is not out of the ordinary either?
I know, I know. Sometimes it is all just enough to make you wait on some crazy line at Walmart and get into a fight with an unsuspecting middle-aged mother who was also hoping to save a few bucks on another appliance she doesn't need!
We are all just looking for something to fill the void, huh?
If you aren't getting your needs met in your relationship or the relationship you don't even have, I am sure you can relate.
If your love life isn't quite where you want it to be at the start of this holiday season, please keep reading.
I just wanted to give you the heads up that I have something special for you! This includes some powerful ideas that can transform your love life.......
And have you doing a lot more than just mindlessly mashing potatoes by next Turkey Day.
I will be sending out a few more emails this weekend to those who are subscribed to my complimentary newsletter with all of the deets. So if you want in, go here and subscribe.
In the meantime, have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Try to focus on GRATITUDE!
And please remember, the reason that I do what I do is because I really am grateful......for YOU!
Oh, so you're like that Millionaire Matchmaker?" they ask.
"Nope. Nope. I've met Patti Stanger, and I can assure you that I am nothing like her. But, okay, maybe we do have a few things in common....."
We are both from Jersey. We both have been matchmaking forever. (Fourteen years, and I am still going strong!) And, of course, we both work with mega-successful, millionaire, rockstar clients who are seeking the one thing that money can't buy: Real Love.
We do our best to deliver our high-caliber clients compatible candidates, coach throughout the dating process and cross our fingers that the potential we see will turn into the happy, healthy, long- term relationship they desire.
Sometimes, it takes going above and beyond to find the right match!
For instance, next week I'm participating in a special event, The Skin Deep Event, hosted by the lovely Dr. Elyse Rafal of Rafal Dermatology at The Waterview at Port Jefferson Country Club.
I'll have a table there and will do complimentary matchmaking consultations with any of the two hundred expected guests who could be a potential fit for one of my most eligible bachelors on all of Long Island! More information about this unique and free event here.
And, I'll be honest: Sometimes, it takes a village to make a match! Networking is key. While I do collaborate with lots of matchmaking colleagues and hire recruiters, I am also constantly asking my friends, fans, and even strangers for referrals to the single ladies they know. Did I mention I compensate generously?
Do you know any single moms on Long Island? (Nassau County would be ideal!) I'm currently recruiting such ladies-ages thirties through forties-for a loving single dad and successful venture capitalist- who seeks a fantastic life partner and wife who'd love to join the family in a stepmom role.
Feel free to refer any interested Long Island ladies to apply to be considered for an introduction here. If my client ends up going on a date with the lady you refer, I can offer you a five hundred dollar commission.
If you don't know any single ladies on Long Island but would like to support my mission of helping incredible men find love, shoot me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com I am always hiring commission-based recruiters. I also welcome opportunities for strategic partnerships and collaborations with like-minded entrepreneurs.
So what do you think, can we make some matches this way?! And...
Did you really think I was like Patti Stanger?
Oftentimes, we are scared to ask questions.
Whether they are the silly questions like the ones that guy always asked in your college class, the ones I am asked when I do media interviews, or the tough questions you ask yourself before you go to bed at night: Asking makes us feel vulnerable.
Other times, we ask for advice when we already have the answers. In hearing the opinions of others, we learn that we should really just listen to ourself. Because, deep down, we have the answers.
Sometimes, when a relationship ends, we realize this. We see that the red flags were there all along. We just didn't want to listen to that voice inside our head. While we must listen to our head in love and life-or watch it all turn into a nightmare-we must also listen to our heart.
Because, when you don't listen to your heart.....well that's when you really miss out!
Want something else to listen to?! Last week, I appeared as a guest on The Two Minutes For Instigating Podcast with the guys pictured above at Gotham Studios in NYC. You can have a listen to my episodes: #34 "Lookin For Love" and #35 "Ride or Die"--live on all platforms, including YouTube, Spotify, Soundcloud, GooglePlay, iTunes, and ApplePodcasts. Disclaimer: Silly "Guy Humor" ahead....
Falling In Love
If you're contemplating how to be more productive in the last three months of the year, I highly recommend falling in love. Trust me: You want love. Sometimes, you even need love, because there are going to be days or weeks where everything feels challenging and icky. With the weight of the world on your shoulders, you really appreciate being with someone you love who truly cares for you.
When it comes to falling in love, there are some things that are beyond your control. That's why they call it "falling"! And, no, there isn't a fool-proof method for making anyone fall in love with you. Yet, there is so much that you can do to stack the cards in your favor. Check out the following suggestions, and learn three ways that you can fall in love this fall.
Make self-care your top priority. You attract a happy and healthy relationship when you are in a positive state. If you make finding love your sole focus in life-and you struggle to find it-you are unfulfilled. Not to mention a boring date! Taking care of your health and well-being starts with the physical, but it shouldn't stop there. Surround yourself with the people and things that make your heart smile. When you follow your bliss, you are much more attractive to potential suitors.
Express gratitude daily. Developing a true sense of gratitude for what you have in your life makes you feel better--both physically and mentally. It also boosts relationship satisfaction! As Dr. John Gottman's research shows, married couples who have more positive interactions are less likely to divorce. You don't have to be married to see how gratitude is beneficial to your love life. Whether you are a few dates in or have been seeing your partner for months, focusing on the things you like about him or her-as opposed to those that annoy you- can go a long way.
Show vulnerability.You won't fall into real love unless you be the real you! Put all your cards on the table. It can be scary to share who you really are and express all of your emotions with someone you are really interested in. Rejection is always a possibility. But, you must take that risk to get the reward. Your partner will appreciate your authenticity and take it as an invitation to show their own authentic self.
Go to the spa.
Stay in when you are tired.
Start that gratitude journal.
Even, ugly cry.
Fall in love this fall!
I know if you are reading this, you’re likely to be high-quality single lady or gentleman who’s got it going on… EXCEPT in the love and dating department.
That’s the one area you haven’t mastered yet. Maybe you’ve got a track record of choosing partners who didn’t meet your needs, who weren’t emotionally available, or worse… that you couldn’t trust.
I’m telling you the yearning for real, deep, connected long-term love with a man or woman who treats you like the Queen or King you are doesn’t go away.You want the kind of love they make movies or write songs about. The kind where you can barely keep your eyes off each other (and let’s not even mention hands!)… the kind where you can let your hair down and still feel safe…The kind where you know you’re taken care of in all the right ways by the person you can trust fully with your deepest secrets.
Sound familiar? And when that twin flame, soul connected man or woman walks into your life, everything will change forever!
And if you’re on the heels of a bad break-up, or if you’re perpetually single because you can’t get over your ex, it can really feel like maybe that’s the kind of love you’re just never going to have. Let me be 100% clear: There’s nothing wrong with you, and you are a beautiful person deserving of true, lasting love. Sometimes, we just have things that are holding us back. Whether it’s that we were never really taught how to find the right partner for us… or we don’t know what to do once we find him or her… or even if we push real love away without realizing it… There is always something that’s keeping you from the relationship you crave and deserve. And sometimes, a little help can go a long way.
As I recently announced, I am further expanding my NYC-based matchmaking and dating & relationship coaching services to New Jersey and Long Island. My big kick-off for bringing my love biz to the ‘burbs is next week with a super-fun and free event for the ladies. I hope you’ll join me and sign up to get “matched In Montclair” or just get some dating & relationship advice by signing up here. Meantime, I know there are a lot of ladies out of the area (and gents too, bear with me for a minute, guys….) who could use expert love advice....
Well, the good news is: My friends Antia & Brody Boyd are leading a 100% no-charge virtual event, Magnetize The Man, and its purpose is to help every woman attract, date and commit the right man for her. Antia and Brody are the Queen and King of love themselves, having overcome trust issues, anxiety patterns, emotional baggage and the
fear of disappointment to magnetize each other and become happily married now for 4 years! This event begins on October 1st and will feature 40 experts (including me!) dedicated to helping women find the man who makes them feel like a better version of their self. Someone they can feel safe and comfortable with (perhaps for the first time ever)… Without the games and ploys that leave them feeling insecure and uncomfortable…
In this no-charge online event, you’ll discover:
♥ How to catch his eye from across the room and meet men in the real
world (especially important if you’re burned out with online dating)…
♥ How to find love even if you’re working 60-hour weeks, juggling your
active social life and barely have time to think (much less date)…
(When love practically falls in your lap, it doesn’t matter how much or
how little time you have…)
♥ The 3 requirements to have high-quality men notice, approach and adore you…
♥ How to dress for a first date so he won’t be able to take his eyes off you…
♥ How to FINALLY get over your ex so you can move on with Mr. Right…
♥ How to prioritize YOURSELF… so you can let go of other people’s
expectations to find the right man for you…
♥ And much, much more!
Remember, this event is 100% complimentary – that means there is no
charge to attend whatsoever. All you have to do is click the link below and register!
Ladies, this is a MUST attend, so register here.
Gentleman, if you are still with me, don’t worry, I’ll soon have something for you too that will also help you to take charge of your love life once and for all.
Just shoot me an email here if you are interested in this type of life-changing dating or relationship coaching.
One final thought:
Regardless of who you are-male or female, gay or straight, twenty-five or fifty-five- you CAN find that person who will give you butterflies…
Who will treat you the way you need to be treated…
Who will earn and deserve the love you give to him or her.
Hold out for that love!
One thing is for sure: In life, we will never have all the answers. We'll always be searching, growing, and wishing we knew then what we know now.
If I had to sit down and write a letter to my younger self-the early twenty-something self who was trying to figure it all out- I'd have a lot to share. Not only because I have acquired considerable wisdom, but, because, frankly, back then, there were some things that I just didn't have the first clue about....
Like how to wash whites, use a credit card, choose the right bra, negotiate a business deal, prevent a hangover, get over a breakup, or, umm, get over myself.
Also, I had started my career as a matchmaker at the ripe old age of 21, but if you had asked me to pick a husband for myself, I would have probably chose some fist-pumping guido with black spikey hair. Because a guy with the ability to dance was definitely in the top three qualities on my wish list! Over a decade later, I would tell my younger self that everything that I thought mattered in a partner didn't really matter at all! NONE. OF. IT. MATTERED. AT. ALL.
Thankfully, today, I have a MUCH better handle on how to chose a partner for myself-not to mention actually make the relationship work-and how to help others find and keep the right relationship too.
Could you use a little help figuring out who your best match is? Or advice on how to ignite the spark, create the romance of your dreams, and/or keep the flame going?
You can feel free to book a complimentary Matchmaking & Dating/Relationship Coaching Consultation. It'd be my pleasure to help you know now what I didn't know then, but surely know now.
Not to be dramatic, but dating and relationships today can be a bonafide nightmare!
There is so much human suffering going on because of the choices-or lack thereof-that people are making in their love life. There is anxiety, loneliness, depression, and sometimes so much worse.....
Although I hate passing on bad news, I recently posted about a horrible tragedy that occurred in NYC as a result of a man and woman meeting on Tinder. I felt compelled to share this, as many singles I know use dating apps. More than ever, I want to help people learn to date more responsibly so that no one else has to go through a NIGHTMARE like this.
FYI: If you are using dating apps, you should click that link above and check out my advice. If you aren't, you should book a complimentary consultation to consider being set up through my matchmaking service. Because, there's nothing like the human touch and a woman's intuition.....
In all of my work with singles and couples, I strive to help people attract and maintain relationships that serve the greater good for both parties. Not only do I want people to have healthy relationships, I want everyone-that means YOU too- to have the relationship of their dreams!
If you've been feeling like your love life is far from a dream, I invite you to consider the notion that relational bliss starts off as an inside job. In other words, your mindset matters big time!
I was reminded of this yesterday when I visited Inscape- a meditation studio in NYC-which is, without a doubt, one of my favorite hideaways in the big city! After getting totally relaxed in one of their guided meditation classes, I stumbled upon this gem in their community space. Figured I'd give it a whirl.
I read the instructions. Chose my "worry". Wrote it on dissolvable coin. Released it into water. Grew impatient when it didn't dissolve right away. (I probably need to meditate more, huh?!) Picked up a capsule. Wrote an intention to replace my worry. Put the capsule in my purse. Immediately realized that I should blog about the importance of releasing limiting beliefs and replacing them with positive affirmations when it comes to finding and keeping the relationship of our dreams.
While this is nowhere near all we need in our arsenal for creating that relational bliss, we can not underestimate the importance of having a positive mindset. Being in this state of mind requires clearing your mind. Hence, the benefits of meditation....
In order to truly feel hope and have faith that love is yours, you need to clear your mind of all the useless junk that is in it. This junk is a result of old "scripts" or stories that you have told yourself-about gender, dating, relationships, love,sex, marriage, etc-for years and years. The junk gets in the way of how you see the world and interact with people that you date and have relationships with. Sometimes, it causes you to perceive your partner's attitudes and behaviors incorrectly. It often makes you behave in ways that sabotage your success in your love life. You don't need it. It is fear. It is anxiety. It is stress. And it is not helping you.
If you want to end the nightmare and manifest your dream relationship, you can take the first step today by trying to rewrite your story. This might be facilitated sitting on a meditation pillow in silence and then taking note of how you feel.
Or it might mean talking it out in the way that I have all of my dating & relationship coaching clients do when they sign up for my Real Talk + Action Plan.
Whatever the case may be, if you have a vision for a better relationship, you can have a better relationship. The relationship of your dreams, in fact. Just get rid of that junk first.
And don't give up on love........
I don't know about you, but I really like productivity. While I see the value in leaving some things up to God/The Universe, I also appreciate the fact that x + y = z.
People tend to get a little lazy with their love life over the summer. They think that just because the sun is shining, a new love will show up or sparks will be rekindled in their relationship.
Sure, some of us get lucky. But the reality is much less gltiz and glam for most. It is more like blood, sweat, and tears. Maintaining a long term relationship takes work. Today is my parents' thirty-seventh wedding anniversary! Trust me, I have seen it firsthand.
I believe that we (mostly) have success, because we do THE WORK---even in our love lives where we think things are supposed to naturally fall into place if we are with the right person.
If you are looking for something practical that you can do to jumpstart success in your love life right now, I have three ideas for you. No affirmations required...
#1 Stop listening to the wrong people.
There is a lot of bad relationship advice out there. A LOT! From your friends who project issues from their own relationships into yours to really generic-sounding tips that are posted on Instagram, it can mess with your head!
Instead of asking everyone and their mother for their opinions on your latest dating saga, mostly seek counsel from: 1.Experts 2. People who have the love life that you want
If you want to really jumpstart things by getting advice from experts-and you do because you are reading this-make sure you listen to the audio and video interviews I put out there too, as I share all my freshest ideas.
The latest I did just came out today on a great podcast, Simple Self Mastery with Mike Miller. You can download my episode 055 on Matchmaking, Dating, & Breakups on Soundcloud here or on iTunes. (Of course you can feel free to subscribe and comment if you like :)
#2: Ask yourself the most important question.
What it all boils down to is this: What do you really want?
You must realize that in any dating situation or relationship, there WILL be some type of compromise.
If you have been single forever and want to be in a relationship, you do not have to "settle" but you do have to compromise on something. It is often making a choice between two contradictory things. I recently read this awesome article, "When do you give up and marry a resume instead of a soulmate?", that really puts things into perspective.
If you want to have success in your love life, you must fearlessly acknowledge and accept the truth. And you must ask questions like the questions in that article to get to the truth.
#3 Do something-anything-to get you closer to your #RelationshipGoals
Rome wasn't built in a day! You have to start somewhere.... Time is non-negotiable. Things take time, and every second that you are not doing something to bring you closer to the goals you have for your love life is a waste of time.
Once you know what you really want, you can start the process of figuring out how to get it. Again, you have to get really honest.....
Like, is it really possible for you to meet your future husband when you over-focus on your career, only go out to places that do not attract high quality men, or do not go out at all, and refuse to download a dating app? Or would it be better for you to let a matchmaker set you up--no cost to you?
Do you stay with a man/ woman in a dead-end relationship just hoping things will get better with time? Or would it be better for you to do a consultation with a coach and make a plan for figuring this thing out once and for all?
Okay, okay, it is clear that I am offering you the advice and the resources. Will choose productivity? Or sit right back down where you were and forget all about this email?
Its' your life. And its up to YOU!
Finding happiness in relationships is more of an art than a science. When it comes to matters of the heart, the advice that I give as a Dating + Relationship Coach and Matchmaker is not one-size-fits all.
While it is beneficial to be creative in the way that you manage your love life, it is dangerous to keep making the same mistakes that I see so many people making today.
Throughout my thirteen-year career in this industry, I have talked to thousands of people about their love life. I have noticed many trends among unhappy singles and couples. Attitudes and behaviors that sabotage everything.
If you aren't getting what you want in your life, I'd be willing to bet that you may be guilty of one of the following love-related "sins".
1. You are unrealistic in your expectations.
If I had a penny for every time I met a single person who was unrealistic about who he or she wanted to date........
To be brutally honest, a lot of singles I know fail to realize that the people they most want to date don't want to date them.
Could you be unaware of the type of men or women that would find your most desirable? If so, you are likely to be going after all the wrong people. We should talk.
To find a successful relationship, you have to be aware of both what you want in partner and what you bring to the table.
If you don't have an understanding of this, you really need a dating expert such as myself to help you understand the dating market. I liken this to real estate. When you are looking for a house, you tell the broker what you are looking for and you hope to get it. But you soon learn that the broker knows the real estate market way better than you. Unfortunately, sometimes, what you thought you could get for your money isn't what you could actually get.
The dating game is no different.....
And can we talk about when you are in a relationship?
Please, people, you have to keep your expectations in check! A lot of you lovelies are just as unreasonable when coupled.
You expect your partner to meet all of your needs, and you know, never do anything that hurts you......
(Sorry. Doesn't work that way!)
2. You have not learned the lessons from your past.
As I said in my recent interview--published in the blog at Rx Breakup here......
It is so important to get over the past in order to move forward in love. That’s why I wrote my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. I could talk about this stuff 24/7!
So many lessons will repeat themselves if you do not learn them. In fact, you may find yourself dating the same person over and over--in slightly different packaging.
You must work on accepting that your relationship is over, and that there is no turning back. If you do not STAY AWAY FROM YOUR EX–unless you absolutely have to be in contact- you just further delay moving forward.
If you do not do the work that is necessary to heal your heart, you will bring a lot of unhealthy baggage into your next relationship.
And I promise you, this will not get you what you want in your love life.
3. You are wasting your time in the wrong relationship or no relationship at all.
FACT: A lot of people are wasting their time when it comes to dating and relationships.
My clients. My friends. The random girl at the bar. You reading this newsletter.
I see you.
I have talked to some of you this past week after you read my "Are you wasting your time?" blog and found the courage to book that complimentary Matchmaking/ Dating & Relationship consultation that I am currently offering.
Remember: Every minute that you spend with the wrong person is a minute less that you get to spend with the right person.
And if you really want a relationship but are spending your time with no person:
What the **** are you doing with your life? How long are you going to keep making excuses?
Time stops for no one.
You have to look yourself in the eye and be honest. Do you need to stop fooling yourself and end your relationship already? Do you need a coach to kick your butt and get that profile online again? Do you need a matchmaker to find you your match? Or do you just need to do something-anything-to get momentum.
If you've always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you always got.
And, clearly, that won't get you what you want in your love life.
PS: If you are ready to stop making these mistakes and start getting what you want in your love life, book that complimentary Matchmaking & Dating/Relationship Coaching Consultation today. Finding happiness in relationships is more of an art than a science. When it comes to matters of the heart, the advice that I give as a Dating + Relationship Coach and Matchmaker is not one-size-fits all.