I know if you are reading this, you’re likely to be high-quality single lady or gentleman who’s got it going on… EXCEPT in the love and dating department.
That’s the one area you haven’t mastered yet. Maybe you’ve got a track record of choosing partners who didn’t meet your needs, who weren’t emotionally available, or worse… that you couldn’t trust.
I’m telling you the yearning for real, deep, connected long-term love with a man or woman who treats you like the Queen or King you are doesn’t go away.You want the kind of love they make movies or write songs about. The kind where you can barely keep your eyes off each other (and let’s not even mention hands!)… the kind where you can let your hair down and still feel safe…The kind where you know you’re taken care of in all the right ways by the person you can trust fully with your deepest secrets.
Sound familiar? And when that twin flame, soul connected man or woman walks into your life, everything will change forever!
And if you’re on the heels of a bad break-up, or if you’re perpetually single because you can’t get over your ex, it can really feel like maybe that’s the kind of love you’re just never going to have. Let me be 100% clear: There’s nothing wrong with you, and you are a beautiful person deserving of true, lasting love. Sometimes, we just have things that are holding us back. Whether it’s that we were never really taught how to find the right partner for us… or we don’t know what to do once we find him or her… or even if we push real love away without realizing it… There is always something that’s keeping you from the relationship you crave and deserve. And sometimes, a little help can go a long way.
As I recently announced, I am further expanding my NYC-based matchmaking and dating & relationship coaching services to New Jersey and Long Island. My big kick-off for bringing my love biz to the ‘burbs is next week with a super-fun and free event for the ladies. I hope you’ll join me and sign up to get “matched In Montclair” or just get some dating & relationship advice by signing up here. Meantime, I know there are a lot of ladies out of the area (and gents too, bear with me for a minute, guys….) who could use expert love advice....
Well, the good news is: My friends Antia & Brody Boyd are leading a 100% no-charge virtual event, Magnetize The Man, and its purpose is to help every woman attract, date and commit the right man for her. Antia and Brody are the Queen and King of love themselves, having overcome trust issues, anxiety patterns, emotional baggage and the
fear of disappointment to magnetize each other and become happily married now for 4 years! This event begins on October 1st and will feature 40 experts (including me!) dedicated to helping women find the man who makes them feel like a better version of their self. Someone they can feel safe and comfortable with (perhaps for the first time ever)… Without the games and ploys that leave them feeling insecure and uncomfortable…
In this no-charge online event, you’ll discover:
♥ How to catch his eye from across the room and meet men in the real
world (especially important if you’re burned out with online dating)…
♥ How to find love even if you’re working 60-hour weeks, juggling your
active social life and barely have time to think (much less date)…
(When love practically falls in your lap, it doesn’t matter how much or
how little time you have…)
♥ The 3 requirements to have high-quality men notice, approach and adore you…
♥ How to dress for a first date so he won’t be able to take his eyes off you…
♥ How to FINALLY get over your ex so you can move on with Mr. Right…
♥ How to prioritize YOURSELF… so you can let go of other people’s
expectations to find the right man for you…
♥ And much, much more!
Remember, this event is 100% complimentary – that means there is no
charge to attend whatsoever. All you have to do is click the link below and register!
Ladies, this is a MUST attend, so register here.
Gentleman, if you are still with me, don’t worry, I’ll soon have something for you too that will also help you to take charge of your love life once and for all.
Just shoot me an email here if you are interested in this type of life-changing dating or relationship coaching.
One final thought:
Regardless of who you are-male or female, gay or straight, twenty-five or fifty-five- you CAN find that person who will give you butterflies…
Who will treat you the way you need to be treated…
Who will earn and deserve the love you give to him or her.
Hold out for that love!
One thing is for sure: In life, we will never have all the answers. We'll always be searching, growing, and wishing we knew then what we know now.
If I had to sit down and write a letter to my younger self-the early twenty-something self who was trying to figure it all out- I'd have a lot to share. Not only because I have acquired considerable wisdom, but, because, frankly, back then, there were some things that I just didn't have the first clue about....
Like how to wash whites, use a credit card, choose the right bra, negotiate a business deal, prevent a hangover, get over a breakup, or, umm, get over myself.
Also, I had started my career as a matchmaker at the ripe old age of 21, but if you had asked me to pick a husband for myself, I would have probably chose some fist-pumping guido with black spikey hair. Because a guy with the ability to dance was definitely in the top three qualities on my wish list! Over a decade later, I would tell my younger self that everything that I thought mattered in a partner didn't really matter at all! NONE. OF. IT. MATTERED. AT. ALL.
Thankfully, today, I have a MUCH better handle on how to chose a partner for myself-not to mention actually make the relationship work-and how to help others find and keep the right relationship too.
Could you use a little help figuring out who your best match is? Or advice on how to ignite the spark, create the romance of your dreams, and/or keep the flame going?
You can feel free to book a complimentary Matchmaking & Dating/Relationship Coaching Consultation. It'd be my pleasure to help you know now what I didn't know then, but surely know now.
Not to be dramatic, but dating and relationships today can be a bonafide nightmare!
There is so much human suffering going on because of the choices-or lack thereof-that people are making in their love life. There is anxiety, loneliness, depression, and sometimes so much worse.....
Although I hate passing on bad news, I recently posted about a horrible tragedy that occurred in NYC as a result of a man and woman meeting on Tinder. I felt compelled to share this, as many singles I know use dating apps. More than ever, I want to help people learn to date more responsibly so that no one else has to go through a NIGHTMARE like this.
FYI: If you are using dating apps, you should click that link above and check out my advice. If you aren't, you should book a complimentary consultation to consider being set up through my matchmaking service. Because, there's nothing like the human touch and a woman's intuition.....
In all of my work with singles and couples, I strive to help people attract and maintain relationships that serve the greater good for both parties. Not only do I want people to have healthy relationships, I want everyone-that means YOU too- to have the relationship of their dreams!
If you've been feeling like your love life is far from a dream, I invite you to consider the notion that relational bliss starts off as an inside job. In other words, your mindset matters big time!
I was reminded of this yesterday when I visited Inscape- a meditation studio in NYC-which is, without a doubt, one of my favorite hideaways in the big city! After getting totally relaxed in one of their guided meditation classes, I stumbled upon this gem in their community space. Figured I'd give it a whirl.
I read the instructions. Chose my "worry". Wrote it on dissolvable coin. Released it into water. Grew impatient when it didn't dissolve right away. (I probably need to meditate more, huh?!) Picked up a capsule. Wrote an intention to replace my worry. Put the capsule in my purse. Immediately realized that I should blog about the importance of releasing limiting beliefs and replacing them with positive affirmations when it comes to finding and keeping the relationship of our dreams.
While this is nowhere near all we need in our arsenal for creating that relational bliss, we can not underestimate the importance of having a positive mindset. Being in this state of mind requires clearing your mind. Hence, the benefits of meditation....
In order to truly feel hope and have faith that love is yours, you need to clear your mind of all the useless junk that is in it. This junk is a result of old "scripts" or stories that you have told yourself-about gender, dating, relationships, love,sex, marriage, etc-for years and years. The junk gets in the way of how you see the world and interact with people that you date and have relationships with. Sometimes, it causes you to perceive your partner's attitudes and behaviors incorrectly. It often makes you behave in ways that sabotage your success in your love life. You don't need it. It is fear. It is anxiety. It is stress. And it is not helping you.
If you want to end the nightmare and manifest your dream relationship, you can take the first step today by trying to rewrite your story. This might be facilitated sitting on a meditation pillow in silence and then taking note of how you feel.
Or it might mean talking it out in the way that I have all of my dating & relationship coaching clients do when they sign up for my Real Talk + Action Plan.
Whatever the case may be, if you have a vision for a better relationship, you can have a better relationship. The relationship of your dreams, in fact. Just get rid of that junk first.
And don't give up on love........
I don't know about you, but I really like productivity. While I see the value in leaving some things up to God/The Universe, I also appreciate the fact that x + y = z.
People tend to get a little lazy with their love life over the summer. They think that just because the sun is shining, a new love will show up or sparks will be rekindled in their relationship.
Sure, some of us get lucky. But the reality is much less gltiz and glam for most. It is more like blood, sweat, and tears. Maintaining a long term relationship takes work. Today is my parents' thirty-seventh wedding anniversary! Trust me, I have seen it firsthand.
I believe that we (mostly) have success, because we do THE WORK---even in our love lives where we think things are supposed to naturally fall into place if we are with the right person.
If you are looking for something practical that you can do to jumpstart success in your love life right now, I have three ideas for you. No affirmations required...
#1 Stop listening to the wrong people.
There is a lot of bad relationship advice out there. A LOT! From your friends who project issues from their own relationships into yours to really generic-sounding tips that are posted on Instagram, it can mess with your head!
Instead of asking everyone and their mother for their opinions on your latest dating saga, mostly seek counsel from: 1.Experts 2. People who have the love life that you want
If you want to really jumpstart things by getting advice from experts-and you do because you are reading this-make sure you listen to the audio and video interviews I put out there too, as I share all my freshest ideas.
The latest I did just came out today on a great podcast, Simple Self Mastery with Mike Miller. You can download my episode 055 on Matchmaking, Dating, & Breakups on Soundcloud here or on iTunes. (Of course you can feel free to subscribe and comment if you like :)
#2: Ask yourself the most important question.
What it all boils down to is this: What do you really want?
You must realize that in any dating situation or relationship, there WILL be some type of compromise.
If you have been single forever and want to be in a relationship, you do not have to "settle" but you do have to compromise on something. It is often making a choice between two contradictory things. I recently read this awesome article, "When do you give up and marry a resume instead of a soulmate?", that really puts things into perspective.
If you want to have success in your love life, you must fearlessly acknowledge and accept the truth. And you must ask questions like the questions in that article to get to the truth.
#3 Do something-anything-to get you closer to your #RelationshipGoals
Rome wasn't built in a day! You have to start somewhere.... Time is non-negotiable. Things take time, and every second that you are not doing something to bring you closer to the goals you have for your love life is a waste of time.
Once you know what you really want, you can start the process of figuring out how to get it. Again, you have to get really honest.....
Like, is it really possible for you to meet your future husband when you over-focus on your career, only go out to places that do not attract high quality men, or do not go out at all, and refuse to download a dating app? Or would it be better for you to let a matchmaker set you up--no cost to you?
Do you stay with a man/ woman in a dead-end relationship just hoping things will get better with time? Or would it be better for you to do a consultation with a coach and make a plan for figuring this thing out once and for all?
Okay, okay, it is clear that I am offering you the advice and the resources. Will choose productivity? Or sit right back down where you were and forget all about this email?
Its' your life. And its up to YOU!
Finding happiness in relationships is more of an art than a science. When it comes to matters of the heart, the advice that I give as a Dating + Relationship Coach and Matchmaker is not one-size-fits all.
While it is beneficial to be creative in the way that you manage your love life, it is dangerous to keep making the same mistakes that I see so many people making today.
Throughout my thirteen-year career in this industry, I have talked to thousands of people about their love life. I have noticed many trends among unhappy singles and couples. Attitudes and behaviors that sabotage everything.
If you aren't getting what you want in your life, I'd be willing to bet that you may be guilty of one of the following love-related "sins".
1. You are unrealistic in your expectations.
If I had a penny for every time I met a single person who was unrealistic about who he or she wanted to date........
To be brutally honest, a lot of singles I know fail to realize that the people they most want to date don't want to date them.
Could you be unaware of the type of men or women that would find your most desirable? If so, you are likely to be going after all the wrong people. We should talk.
To find a successful relationship, you have to be aware of both what you want in partner and what you bring to the table.
If you don't have an understanding of this, you really need a dating expert such as myself to help you understand the dating market. I liken this to real estate. When you are looking for a house, you tell the broker what you are looking for and you hope to get it. But you soon learn that the broker knows the real estate market way better than you. Unfortunately, sometimes, what you thought you could get for your money isn't what you could actually get.
The dating game is no different.....
And can we talk about when you are in a relationship?
Please, people, you have to keep your expectations in check! A lot of you lovelies are just as unreasonable when coupled.
You expect your partner to meet all of your needs, and you know, never do anything that hurts you......
(Sorry. Doesn't work that way!)
2. You have not learned the lessons from your past.
As I said in my recent interview--published in the blog at Rx Breakup here......
It is so important to get over the past in order to move forward in love. That’s why I wrote my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. I could talk about this stuff 24/7!
So many lessons will repeat themselves if you do not learn them. In fact, you may find yourself dating the same person over and over--in slightly different packaging.
You must work on accepting that your relationship is over, and that there is no turning back. If you do not STAY AWAY FROM YOUR EX–unless you absolutely have to be in contact- you just further delay moving forward.
If you do not do the work that is necessary to heal your heart, you will bring a lot of unhealthy baggage into your next relationship.
And I promise you, this will not get you what you want in your love life.
3. You are wasting your time in the wrong relationship or no relationship at all.
FACT: A lot of people are wasting their time when it comes to dating and relationships.
My clients. My friends. The random girl at the bar. You reading this newsletter.
I see you.
I have talked to some of you this past week after you read my "Are you wasting your time?" blog and found the courage to book that complimentary Matchmaking/ Dating & Relationship consultation that I am currently offering.
Remember: Every minute that you spend with the wrong person is a minute less that you get to spend with the right person.
And if you really want a relationship but are spending your time with no person:
What the **** are you doing with your life? How long are you going to keep making excuses?
Time stops for no one.
You have to look yourself in the eye and be honest. Do you need to stop fooling yourself and end your relationship already? Do you need a coach to kick your butt and get that profile online again? Do you need a matchmaker to find you your match? Or do you just need to do something-anything-to get momentum.
If you've always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you always got.
And, clearly, that won't get you what you want in your love life.
PS: If you are ready to stop making these mistakes and start getting what you want in your love life, book that complimentary Matchmaking & Dating/Relationship Coaching Consultation today. Finding happiness in relationships is more of an art than a science. When it comes to matters of the heart, the advice that I give as a Dating + Relationship Coach and Matchmaker is not one-size-fits all.
My grandmother turned eighty-nine yesterday. As my cousin said, she is "eighty-nine and looking fine"!
On the way to her surprise birthday dinner, she asked my aunt where all the time went. As the saying goes, time does seem to fly by.
Unless, of course, you are wasting it. Because when you are wasting it in, say, the wrong job, the wrong relationship, or the wrong mindset, it really is a long life.
A lot of people wonder if they are wasting their time or not when it comes to dating and relationships.
The million dollar questions:
Should you stick it out or throw in the towel? Does slow and steady win the race, or are you going to find yourself alone and back on a dating app next year?
Is patience a virtue? Or do you need to give that man an ultimatum?!
Does love really come along when you least expect it, or do you have to be proactive to find it?
A few suggestions:
If you’re wondering whether or not you are wasting your time with someone you are dating, it is quite possible that you may be.
You need to pay attention to your partner's words-and even more importantly, their actions- to find out. Sometimes you need a trusted friend or coach to help you see the truth, because you are not always going to be objective when it comes to your own love life.
If you are single and want to be in a relationship, but are not doing anything to get yourself on dates or make yourself more dateable, you are, in fact, wasting your time. Yup, I am sure about that one....
Unfortunately, I see a lot of great relationship-oriented people falling into one of these categories. They deeply desire to be in lasting love, but they are always sabotaging their chances of it. To put it simply, they are either wasting too much time with Mr./Ms. Wrong or failing to make the effort that is often necessary to find a great relationship.
This is something that really upsets me when I see it happening to clients, friends, and other people that I care about. I can see it so clearly, why can't they? Its like they are blind to reality. It can happen to the best of us; we are in own way.
Look, time is of the essence. Lately, I've been using mine to figure out a way to better serve the people I know who would like to stop wasting theirs and be happy in love already, darn it!
I've developed an exciting new coaching program, and over the next few weeks I want to talk to everyone I know -whether single or in an unsatisfying relationship-who is sick and tired of wasting time in their love life.
If you've made it this far and couldn't help but admit that you are wasting your time and want to do something about it, I'd love to talk to you! If you read this and thought it sounded like something your best friend, sister, brother, mother, father, relative, or colleague needs to hear, don't hesitate to pass this on.
Sometimes, all it takes is for one conversation to give you the momentum that can change your life forever.
If you are interested to learn more about how I can help you stop wasting your time and create the love you deserve, schedule a complimentary Matchmaking/Dating +Relationship Consultation in my online scheduler at RachelRusso.com today.
Come on now: It's GO TIME!
Hope you had a happy first day of summer & National Selfie Day!
Summer is a time for love--whether you are coupled up or just loving your "self".
Of course, we aren't formally taught how to love ourselves. A lot of people think self-love is as icky as this whole selfie craze that I just posted about on The Gram. But self- love isn't self-absorbed. Quite the contrary, self- love helps us be more present and loving to those in our life.
If we aren't lucky enough to be "loved up" at any given time, we can always love ourselves. In fact, we should have a lifelong love affair with our self --no matter what our status. Just because we deserve it!
Here are five fun ways to love this summer and long after:
1. Don't settle for less than what you want in your love life---whether it is dating someone who isn't a true fit for you or accepting treatment from a partner that is a lot less than ideal.
2. Communicate what you want to others--instead of hoping people will read your mind. Watch your chances of actually getting it increase exponentially!
3. Make choices that support your goals and true desires. Don't waste your time doing things that are not in line with the vision that you have for your life and/or relationship.
4. Give up judgment. Of yourself or of your partner. Just accept things as they are if you can. No one and no circumstance will always be perfect.
5. Ask for help when you need it. Didn't I just say that you don't have to be Super(Wo)Man?
Cheers to Love & Life!
Since we are talking money, let me first say that I am not getting paid to send out this message.
And there is a slight catch involved....
I like to tell it straight. No chaser.
There IS a monetary investment on your part, but, it is one that you will definitely very soon get back if you decide to move forward.
REAL TALK: f you have been following me for a while you may know that reality TV producers have been chasing me for the better part of the past decade about all kinds of matchmaking and dating coaching show concepts.
Aside from participating in some pilots and doing (many) recorded Skype interviews with producers, the only TV I have done is news show media interviews and several appearances being a panelist and guest on Brooklyn Savvy, a long-running public access talk show.
This is largely because I haven't been willing to sell out to make it to the big screen for a reality TV show of my own. Yet, I always said that if it doesn't compromise my values, I'd do it!
If life gives you a chance take it, if it changes your life let it.....
Well if you have ever wanted the chance to work with me-or to be set up by a matchmaker AND be on reality TV- keep reading.
Yes, I'm in talks of doing a show with a major network; they want me to take on a new client (male or female in the NYC tri-state area) to appear in a docu-series with me. There's a fee to become my client, but there is also compensation from the network. So, basically, the money will balance out.
If you can make the investment, want love & have the desire to be on TV, this might be perfect for you! Please get in touch at Rachel@RachelRusso.com asap. If I think you'd be a fit, I am happy to get you enrolled as a client and introduce you to the casting producer who can answer any questions about the show that you may have.
So don't be shy!
Oh, and if you want to become my client-sans the TV appearance-you can get in touch too.
As always, feel free to pass this on to friends, family, colleagues, and randos who have that I'm-the-next-big-reality-TV-star-glow. Good luck to all!
I'm looking for a special young woman who is looking for someone special.
She is truly OPEN to finding love, and she is not closed off to how she will find it.
She has her preferences and must-haves but does not cling to a rigid idea of who her future husband is-- how he looks, where he lives, what he does for work, how old he is, or what he must say, do, and be on the first date and in ever interaction after.
She might have some deal-breakers, but she's OPEN for the right guy--to dating someone who is an inch shorter than she prefers, is potentially outside her race, or is a tad bit older than her last boyfriend.
She lives in the NYC tri-state area or wouldn't mind relocating there for the love of her life.
She is beautiful-inside and out-in shape, smart, and has a warm and pleasant personality.
She is willing to open her mind, open her heart, and take a chance on finding love, and would therefore be open to potentially meeting an eligible bachelor.
This bachelor is a forty-six year old client of mine who is living in Northern, NJ. He is a well-educated professional who has never been married and is looking for his future wife. Born in NYC & raised (in part) in NJ, he is of Indian descent. He is spiritual, strong, masculine, and super-kind-hearted person looking for his other half for happily-ever-after.
There's a second bachelor too. This one is forty years old. A successful entrepreneur who is well-educated. A world traveller who calls NYC home. He's of Chinese descent. Has one young child and would love to marry and have a few more babies.
Do you know who is future wife is? Maybe you are his future wife?
If you'd like to be considered-at no cost to you-or refer one of your friends or family members-and be compensated generously- please shoot me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com with photos and info. Feel free to pass this blog post on to your friends.
Take a chance for love, today.
"Relationships are supposed to be easy--especially in the beginning," they say.
Clearly, they haven't read this awesome the gem of a book pictured above that I couldn't put down. It paints an extremely accurate picture of so much that I know to be true about the landscape of modern day dating, but I digress...
When you have heard that good relationships shouldn't be complicated so many times before, it is no surprise that you do anything from trying your best not to be difficult to avoiding confrontation like women try to avoid running into their ex on a bad hair day!
Even the word "difficult" brings up a lot of unpleasant images.
Like one of that friend who always has an issue with her order at the restaurant but has no problemo launching into a cringe-worthy speech for any server within earshot of the table.
But in romantic relationships "difficult" could look even more uncomfortable.
Like when you are dating someone who loves you and you aren't sure if you feel the same.
Or when you do love the person you are in a relationship with but the circumstances are very complicated. Well, here's to the difficult ones!
I don't know about you, but I'd rather toast to that any day. Because I think there is a "right" kind of difficult when it comes to love. It is the kind of difficult that can work for your love life if you can learn to embrace it.
And the kind of difficult that stands for something so it doesn't fall for anything.
The kind of difficult that is you being true to you at your core.
It is the kind of difficult that makes your partner appreciate who you are and value what the two of you share.
I'll take that kind of difficult any day.