When it comes to dating and relationships, I tell my clients and friends to leave no stone left unturned!
The truth is that you really never know how or where you will find your match. The only thing that really matters is that you find him, right? After all, I don't really know anyone who talks about how horrible it was that she met her husband on a, gasp, dating app--instead of locking eyes across the room at a Sadie Hawkins dance like grandma and grandpa did. I mean...its 2017!
As a matchmaker and dating coach, one of my greatest wishes is that more people would be more open to the notion that love could happen anywhere. Like, literally anywhere! Online. Offline. In an elevator. While waiting to get your teeth cleaned at your dentist's office. I especially wish women would embrace this notion that maybe all of those fairy tales and romantic comedies have led us down the wrong path. In real life, there isn't always a happy ending. He doesn't always come chasing after you at the airport just before you are about to board the plane. In the end, you are likely to learn that the guy who treated you like a jerk five years ago still treats you like a jerk today. No, he didn't transform into your prince. He didn't become your bestie. And he never selflessly introduced you to one of his friends who he knew in his heart of hearts would be an even better match for you.
Ah. Friends. It seems like every girl is comfortable meeting her significant other through a friend. Sure, that seems ideal--you already have common ground. But what do you do when none of your friends have friends to introduce you to? When they are all married and in relationships and don't throw anymore house parties--let alone leave the house to meet you for a drink? What do you do when your guy friends say that they don't know any guys who aren't a**holes and your girl friends say that if they knew a great guy they'd be dating him! The struggle is real,, people, as evidenced by the texts my friend sent in the screenshot above.
Well, you can make new friends, of course. I know this is easier said than done for some people. Location plays a role. Sometimes, it is challenging to meet like-minded people in the suburbs. However, it can be just as hard to meet friends in a city where everyone is always travelling. Age can make it difficult too--with the general consensus being that it is hard to make friends-particularly girl friends-post-college. Or when you aren't working for a big company where everyone goes to weekly happy hours.
If you are wondering what a girl is to do, this is where the leaving no stone unturned comes in. You can do something bold. Like download an app that will help you meet your new best friends! I am talking about Bumble BFF, of course! Have you heard of the app? I think its incredibly exciting that there is an app that can help women find friends! Not only because having girl friends is such a great way to add joy to your life, but because if you expand your network of single girls, you'll increase your chances of finding the one. Trust me, its the women out there who are generally playing matchmaker for other women--its not the men. Making new friends is an interesting way to accomplish your goal of finding love, and you;ll never know the possibilities that each new friend can open up for you. The end destination-finding the love of your life-is, of course, incredible, but it is the journey that counts!
First and foremost.......
Let it be known that I am not looking for an opportunity to "bash" the male species.
As I wrote in a Facebook post today, I am not a man-hater; I actually like, respect. and work successfully with many men as a matchmaker and dating/relationship coach. Yes, I do feel drawn to the cause of empowering women in love and life-as we are still at a disadvantage in many ways- but that doesn't mean I want to take the power away from men. The power can be shared, people! And its probably best when shared too....
That being said, when it is time to point a finger at men, it is time to point a finger at men
So,guys, listen up. I am going to speak for (almost!) all women in this public service announcement.
We are sick and tried of putting up with your shit.
In other words, when you do the same thing for the 997th time, it is really annoying. Not only because the behavior itself is annoying, but because chances are we've told you at least 498 times that it bothers us, and you have told us at least 498 times that you were sorry and would do better.
We've probably told you this in at least 249 different ways. Because, we probably gave you the benefit of the doubt the first 124 times. Like maybe you simply didn't know that our text response of "K" meant we thought you should jump off a bridge and die. .Cause after all, men aren't mind readers, right? So then we started telling you in the form of eloquently stated emails, texts, or good old fashioned conversations. But you didn't get that either. And, so, we resorted to sending photos like this. Since men are so visual and all......
Speaking of photos, it is absolutely not, never was, and never will be okay for you to engage in "revenge porn" against an ex--especially when a child is involved. In case you are living under a rock or have more important things to do than follow the drama between people like Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna, this term refers to posting explicit photos of an ex on social media. Disgraceful, disrespectful, and downright abusive--no matter what your ex did to you.
And this is exactly why we don't want to send you "sexy" pics.....
Come on guys, cut the crap! Stop objectifying women. Stop treating us like disposable commodities. Stop thinking you can do whatever you want and that we will forgive you because you are hot, rich, good in bed--or whatever else you think you are.
Treat women like you want to be treated. Show some respect. Have some manners and class. Love. Okay? Just, love.
Happy 4th of July, my Luvahs!
In honor of Independence Day, I have been spending some quality time having summer fun with friends and family, as well as working from home in the sunshine. Today, I did something thinking about how I could help ya'll experience freedom in your love life.
So, listen, here's what I came up with....If you want to be free in love, please do as follows:
1. Stop living in a self-imposed prison. Your negative thoughts. Your limiting beliefs. The patterns that you keep repeating. All the things that keep you stuck in that relationship you need to move on from. Or the things that prevent you from even getting into a relationship in the first place. Yeah, get rid of all that garbage. Clean house and let go of the people and all the "stuff" that no longer serve you. Its the only way to make space for what does.
2. Listen to your heart. Are you at risk of getting distracted by all the noise? And, no, I am not talking about fireworks! Everyone has an opinion on your love life, right? Can you get quiet enough to hear yours? What does your heart want? Does your heart really want you to date or stay with the person who looks good on paper but doesn't make it skip a beat? Accept what you want in love, and go for it already! You can't have freedom in love unless you are authentic. And you can't be authentic when you are listening to everyone else but yourself. That being said, if you are so confused that you can't trust your own voice, do not listen to your voice. Call me; listen to mine!
3. Don't be afraid to get hurt.
As suggested in this really helpful article that I came across in Elephant Journal, vulnerability is some scary s**t! But it is absolutely a pre-requisite for real love! You have to be your true self in a relationship and share how you really feel, even and especially when you are afraid of rejection. This is easier said than done, but do it if want to let freedom ring in dating and relationships. You just have to.
In the meantime, have a great holiday!
PS: I'm offering a holiday special for the week of July4th-11th. All coaching packages advertised on my website here-normally priced at $250-300-will be offered for just $125 when booked as a "Special Session" before July 1, 2017. Book your session here now or email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com with any questions.
When something bad happens in your love life, it is easy to get into a negative mindset.
You wonder why these things have to happen to you. You remember a similar past experience that felt equally as terrible. You decide that something is inherently wrong with you. You go out into the dating world-or into interaction with your partner-feeling shitty about yourself, expecting the worst, and guess what: The worst happens!
Do you know what this is?
Its a self-fulfilling prophecy, that's what. And it keeps you in that stuck place that is exactly where you don't want to be. If that's how you get it wrong in love, how do you get it RIGHT?
Well, first off, you don't stress about doing everything perfectly, because you never will.
And, yes, this is coming from someone who strives to get as close to perfection as she can--even when it means several attempts at taking the perfect selfie. In 90 degree weather. With crazy hair!
Yes, who I am and what I do does have some focus on right and wrong or perfect and imperfect. I do regularly talk to my clients about the Dos and Don'ts of dating and relationships. In fact, just last week, I did another episode of ThursDATE with a colleague at Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, in which we shared specific things that people should not talk about on first dates.
As a matchmaker, I regularly share my insight into what makes someone the right match for someone else--like I did for this teen in my column at The Teen Mentor here. By the way, this one simple piece of advice I give to this teen will totally help anyone of any age determine if their relationship is on the right track, but I digress...
Despite all of the above, I know feeling so pressured to figure out what is "right" and "wrong" isn't very rewarding. I have learned that we sometimes don't realize the true meaning of any life circumstances or relationships until way after the fact. Every now and then, in retrospect, what seems so wrong turns out to be so right.
When it comes to love, I wholeheartedly believe it is best not to stress yourself out worrying about everything that could go wrong. It is much more empowering to think: We'll cross that bridge when we get to it! Our love lives can be a mystery. To put it simply, once we are okay with that, we are on the "right" track!
Happy Date Night Y'all!
Whether you are out with someone special or at home on the couch-with or without that special someone- it is my hope that you are enjoying yourself. Life is too short not to fill it with all of your favorite things!
And by "things" I also mean people, experiences, and feelings that your crave...
Speaking of favorites, have you ever noticed how people just love to talk about their favorite things? Sure, it is human nature to crave novelty, but we are also creatures of habit with a penchant for our good ol' faves.
We "favorite" lots of things these days--from tweets, to phone contacts, to songs. When it comes to dating, we do everything from wearing our favorite-i.e. "lucky"-outfits on first dates, to frequenting our favorite date spots-sitting at our favorite table, where we order our favorite foods-throughout our relationship.
Since I think indulging in our favorites is good for the soul, I figured I'd take it upon myself to share sore of my favorites--for love lives.
My Favorite Question To Ask A Love Interest: Want to know my FAVORITE question to ask on a first date and why I love it so much? Well, I just filmed another episode of ThursDATE with Matchmaker, Lisa Clampitt, in which I reveal this question I always ask and suggest people ask.
You can watch this video which also offers more insight on dating and how I help matchmakers recruit singles with my new recruiting course that I have created and am teaching at Matchmaking Institute here.
My Favorite Thing To Do On A Free Weekend: Last week at this time, I was living it up in South Florida. I hopped on a plane for an impromptu holiday weekend with one of my best friends & fave travel buddies! If you are a single girl like me, please know that your love life reaps the benefits when you take such spontaneous getaways, because it raises your vibration! Also, you discover cool and important things. Like Angel Shots. And rubber duckies at pool parties!
Of course, if you are coupled, well, there's nothing like a change of scenery to get those sparks flying.....Who couldn't benefit from being a little spontaneous every now and then?
My Favorite Feeling When Looking At A Phone: Our mobile devices inspire a full range of emotions. And they are not all pleasant. Ask any girl who has waited more than twenty-four hours for his text!
Personally, when this becomes a routine behavior of my favorite guy, I want to punch him in the face! But since I am a loving, non-violent person, I settle for sending him a text with either a fist emoji, middle finger emoji, or "Really?" meme" couples a long, brutally honest message that lets him know he is walking on thin, thin ice.
ANYWAY, to end on on a positive note, this last favorite of mine is plain and simple...Its that feeling you get when HIS or HER name pops up on your phone! The one that leaves you grinning ear to ear.
Its love! My favorite thing that makes the world go round......
We all deserve love. In large doses. (Yes, even the guy who doesn't promptly respond to our texts!)
If its been a long time since you were caught in public smiling at your phone like an idiot, and you are ready to do something about it, I would like to hear from you. Please.
If you are ready to stop settling for less than you deserve, write me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com and tell me why you want to transform your love life!
PS: Alternately, you can schedule a complimentary Matchmaking + Dating/Relationship Consultation here and tell me your story in real time.
Your parents may have told you that money does not grow on trees. But what they may have failed to mention: Great relationships don't grow on trees either.
For many of us, finding and keeping a successful relationship takes work. And sometimes a lot of it. Although we could "get lucky" in love and just fall into it-and stay in it seemingly effortlessly enough- we more than likely have to do some things to get to and stay in that happy place.
For instance, if we are single and want to date someone we have to get out of the house and go on an actual date. Next, it'd be helpful if we take actions that will help increase the chances of a first date leading to a second.
In other words: We can learn how to be a good date by not violating the ultimate Dating Donts- while practicing the Dating Dos- that I talk about in this video I filmed last week with matchmaker, Lisa Clampitt.
Mostly, I believe that we should ask ourselves how we want to feel in our love life and then make the time and monetary investments that will yield the most gain.
You want to be happy in your love life? Well, you can actually plan to be happy. I have.
Recently, I started routinely asking myself: What can I do that will give me the biggest impact on getting what I want in this important area of my life?
Sometimes, the answer is as simple as a day at the beach. Because that makes me happy, and being happy raises my vibration and ability to manifest love. Makes sense right? A little relaxation and change of scenery makes me feel more radiant, and I therefore come across as more radiant and attract more romantic options....
Other times, for me, its about realizing I should be open to the possibilities when it comes to work, relationships, and family. Maybe it is about meeting a guy who isn't my type thinking outside the box with my dating strategy, or umm, considering a sperm donor.
One thing I want to say that applies to everyone-no matter who they are and what their relationship status is:
Yes, we have to work out relationships, but we don't have to be be trapped in an identity within them. We can't change the culture of the entire dating scene anymore than we can change the other person in a relationship.
If you think about all of the "work" that I have just mentioned here-from learning dating/relationship etiquette to taking charge of your life by making a plan to becoming more open- the common denominator is: The WORK is, very much, on ourselves.
Because that is the best work we can do.......
If you thought you were destined to a life of single-hood because you believed that you had some inherent flaw that made you undesirable--would you ever even go on a date?
Do you ever get sick of constantly acting "in character"?
Does doing all of the "right" things in love and life bore you?
Do you want to wear purple glasses instead of those same ol' brown ones?
In reading this eye-opening new book that was recently recommended to me by both a friend and a speaker at The International Matchmakers & Date Coach Conference last week, I flirted with the notion that it is sometimes good to think totally outside of the box.......
Until it leads you to do something ridiculous! Just because.
In that spirit of just doing something to do it-and perhaps knowing that it could change your life forever- I give you permission to:
Take care of yourself first!
My notion of doing something ridiculous does not mean spiraling down into a hole of self-destruction. Rather it means learning to put your own oxygen mask on first--whether you are flying solo or in a relationship. As I am constantly reminded in both my personal and professional life: Relationships are not perfect. If you are with someone who annoys you and challenges you in ways that make you uncomfortable-but clearly still cares about you and loves you-congratulations! You are in a real and imperfectly perfect love relationship! It's the best kind to be in, as it can challenge you in ways that will make you grow into who you are meant to be.
You can grow in a relationship and you can grow being single, but you will never grow unless you take care of yourself first. Because that is YOUR job--to take care of you and not constantly put others' needs before your own. Although it is actually ideal to be in the type of relationship where you both sometimes take care of each other first, there has to be an emphasis on self-care, because attracting this type of dynamic has a pre-requisite in which each individual must pay attention to his or her own needs.
Sometimes, this is about the little things. Like yesterday, it was a gorgeous day in NYC. Last week around the time, I was preparing to speak to a group of matchmakers-and fabulous colleagues, pictured above- at this conference on the importance of self-care for matchmakers. (It is such an important topic in an industry where we matchmakers are often taken on an emotional roller coaster ride with our clients in their experience of dating to find "The One") As I was commuting to work yesterday, I was thinking about how so many people think self-care is about getting pedicures and going on vacation twice a year! Don't get me wrong: That's alllllll good, but it is also about taking care of your most basic needs and preferences on a daily basis. For example, I decided to take the bus to the office so that I could have sunshine and this nice view instead of being on the dreaded R train, because that's what felt right. Taking the time to do things that make me more comfortable and happy in every day life has benefited me-and my clients-tremendously.
Self-care isn't selfish, you guys! Don't buy into the myth. Find a way to take care of you today!
As in very bold and eye-catching.
Kind of like those shiny sunglasses everyone is wearing, times a thousand!
Yeah. I just got a seriously outrageous opportunity to be on a reality TV show! Unfortunately, I am teasing you by mentioning it, because my lips have to be sealed for now, while decisions are made. Stay tuned, my friends!
In the meantime, I did film a pretty fun Facebook Live video just now! If you want to hear me talk about matchmaker life, my fun clients, colleagues, and other randomness on love and dating, you can check this out.
And want to know what else I think is outrageous?
I sat down to check my "Google Alerts" for NYC dating today like I do every morning.
Typically, there are a lot of articles about how challenging dating is in The Big Apple. Like really? How does this even qualify as news?"
I was expecting to see something about the budding relationship between A-Rod and J-Lo or maybe another matchmaker being quoted about dating in NYC. Saying something to the extent of what I just told a journalist the other day: "The secret to getting the guy in NYC is that you have to be the last woman standing!"
Because, you know: It is a tough dating scene. You need stamina to deal with all of the rejection. You have to be in the game to win it.
Anyways, it wasn't anything like that. The article I clicked on is:
"Why I won't date hot women anymore".
Its clearly outrageous! You'll have to read it and see why.
But the experience was even more outrageous for me, because I opened up the article and saw the article was about a friend of a friend who is engaged to one of our matchmaking industry competitors! Yes, my colleagues are buzzing about this. Kind of the point, huh? Also, there's another girl I know who happens to be featured in it....
Very interesting, huh?
I can see there may be a lot of controversy over all this. People trying to figure out if it is empowering to women or degrading to women.
And if this dude really dated swimsuit models....Ha!
Tell me what you think if you dare! And I'll share my thoughts with you--even if they are outrageous!
Do you see others in happy and loving relationships and wonder why YOU haven’t found the same? Do you or a woman you know dream of finding true, exceptional companionship with the “right” man but have no clue how to make that happen for the long term?
If you sometimes feel like you must not be “good enough,” and/or the thought of opening your heart up to someone scares you – even terrifies you! – or if you know you may have any other type of "Love Blocks", I have great news. I want you to keep reading....
If you are a male but have women in your life who worry that they aren't good enough and can't find love, please pass this newsletter on to them. And don't worry, guys, I have something especially for you, too, very soon. But for now: Ladies first!
So I am back here-fresh out of all that Hoffman Process jazz-and have done two video interviews for telesummits for women with two passionate and dedicated ladies, Orchid Tao and Karen Stevenson,-who have brought together tons of experts (including me!) to show you how to break through your blocks and find lasting love.
Here is how you (or your friend) can get these brand new, complimentary resources- which kick off next month- at no cost to you:
“THE EXTRAORDINARY LOVE SERIES: How to Love Yourself Deeply and Release Fears of Intimacy So You Can FINALLY Have the Love You Want!” By Orchid Tao
You’ll discover how to:
- Cultivate sustainable self-love, self-worth, and self-confidence, so that you can step into the version of you that attracts the kind of men you’re excited to date (and start a relationship with)
- Break through your fears of intimacy, so you can truly open your heart to love.
- Trust yourself to make good, solid choices – no matter what “bad” romantic choices you’ve made in the past.
- Release your love blocks that are keeping you from having the extraordinary man and love you truly want
Sign Up Here!
"RECOVER FROM CODEPENDENCY- Create Boundaries, Establish Self Worth and Kick Toxic Behaviors to the Curb! " By Karen Stevenson
You'll learn how to:
- Re-gain your true self again, in the midst of a relationship
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- Understanding your past which brings us to the present behavior
Sign Up Here!
And that's pretty much it! Hope you'll check out these great resources to assist you on this incredible journey toward finding your right man and lasting love.
Cause, why not?!