Today marks two months since one of my dear friends walked down the aisle with the love of her life! As I say my congratulations and think about love and marriage, I think of a question one of my single clients recently asked me:
How does anyone even get married-let alone stay married-these days?
Umm, yeah. It seems so challenging to create and maintain a lasting love, but it doesn't have to be that way. If you want some simple advice, here's my take: Although everyone's journey to marriage is different-and many are imperfect- it seems sooooo much better if things start off on the right foot. If you do it "right" in the early stages of dating, you can get to where you want to go in a much more efficient and less painful fashion. If you do it "wrong", its okay. I am not saying you can't fix it..... If you want to do it "right", the key is to start a relationship by being the right YOU!
If you are reading this and thinking that you messed that one up: No worries. There's always room to improve yourself. As long as you are living, you still have time to learn, grow, and change everything for the better. You can apply the following advice no matter what relationship stage you are in. Here's what I think everyone should consider.
Focus on the positives
There is enough negativity in life, and there's no need to have it in your relationship. In fact, your relationship should be a safe haven for the two of you to experience joy and unconditional love. Ideally, you create that from the very beginning. From Date #1, go in feeling positive about who you are and what you bring to the table. If you are later in the game, just ignore all the things you don't like about you/ your partner/you and your partner, and focus on what you do like. Just try it on your next date night and see the difference it can make.
Most people tend to focus on the negatives which, unfortunately, leaves us feeling down and doubtful about ourselves. This can come across on your date, so make sure you hype yourself up beforehand. Look into the mirror and tell yourself you are so sexy, make a list of the attributes you like about yourself, or do whatever you need to keep the self-love flowing. When you focus on your wonderful qualities, you not only boost your confidence and become more attractive to your partner, but you are also more likely to appreciate your partner's greatness.
Address concerns that bring down your confidence
Luckily, we live in an age where we have so much technology available to help us continuously improve and become the best version of ourselves. If you have personal concerns that are bringing you down, there are plenty of resources for you to choose from so you can learn more and work to improve them. Some things that I have seen people do that make them more confident in dating and relationships are as simple as teeth whitening. (Crest Whitestrips can work wonders, you guys!) Losing a few pounds and renewing energy with a gentle exercise and a detox program can also really give you a boost. Clean Program is my personal favorite. After doing their twenty-one day program last January, I have had their shake daily for the past year.
And then there's your hair. Hair gets an entire paragraph, because it is so important in influencing how confident people feel and how attractive (or unattractive) they are perceived as. For the ladies, blow outs go a long way in instantly making a girl look more polished. (Dry Bar for me!) Men, please, you have to make a decision about your hair. If your hair line is receding and you don't want to shave it all off, companies like hims have products to fight hair loss that you can now get online. Confidence is all about feeling your best, and if you have the ability to improve features that don’t make you confident, why not try it?
By the way, while its so important to be comfortable in your own skin, don't fail to realize that its also important to be comfortable in your clothes!. Besides constantly being on your phone, nothing is more distracting on a date night than wearing clothing that you have to keep re-adjusting. If you’re confident that your ensemble will fit well throughout your date, you’ll be able to focus more on your date and feel more sure of yourself. This matters whether you are on your third date or married for three decades, because if you are uncomfortable in any way, you are not giving your partner the attention he or she deserves. You aren't in the moment. Love grows in the moment.
Just commit. Be 100 percent, fully committed to being the best version of yourself, and be "all in" with your partner. Life is too short for half-assed relationships, and I have seen too many of them fail in my work as a matchmaker/coach and in the lives of people I know. Everyone is different, but for me-at this point-all-or-nothing-love-me-or-leave-me is the only way to go! I will spread that message to everyone I know, as I believe making the decision to try your hardest and be together through the ups and downs makes all the difference will give most people the greatest chance to find and keep their happily ever after.
If you liked these tips, be sure to follow me on social media for plenty more. This week, I was honored to have been chosen and featured in "100 Amazing Females To Follow For A Perfect Love Life In 2018". I would mean a lot if you follow me too--on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
Happy New Year, Everyone! With the first week down and in the spirit of having an exceptional 2018, I wanted to share three things that I think you should start doing for your love life--starting right now. It's the commitment to doing simple things daily that will really make all the difference. If you commit to the following, you can begin to transform your love life in just a few short months.
1. Pay attention: There are so many distractions these days, and it is easy to lose sight of what is important. If you want to learn your lessons in love and life, you have to understand what is really going on. When you are single, you have to notice if you keep attracting the same type of people. If you are in a relationship, you have to realize if you are getting stuck in the same unsatisfying dynamic. You also have to, like, pay attention to your partner--what he or she is and isn't saying. Are there patterns that aren't serving you? If you aren't getting the deeper meaning of it all, what in the **** are you actually doing? Remember the lesson repeats until you learn it. Its your love life. Take control of it this year!
2. Stop responding to every work-related (and/or unimportant) text message as soon as you get it. Cause really: It can wait. Love (and lots of other great things) blossom by being present in the moment. No one likes to sit across from you at the dinner table and be ignored. Don't be that person. Also, if you are doing this all the time when you are alone, then you are distracted and not living as the best version of you. (Reread #1). If you are a slave to your phone, your position in life is reactive instead of proactive. No bueno.
3. Put your own oxygen mask on first. In other words: Self-care. It was a buzz word in 2017. And as I shared, its about a lot more than just working out and getting pedicures. You have nothing left to give if your cup is empty, because you can't give what you don't have. So look at what you need in your life and give it to yourself-- before you try to give anything to anyone else. I mean...don't be a selfish jerk. If you can help someone by opening a door, donating a couple dollars, making a referral, do it. Hey, if you are in the giving spirit, you can even try to help me give my most challenging matchmaking client what he is asking for---and make (more than!) a couple dollars yourself, while you are it! But mostly, focus on making yourself happy so that you will be good for you--and the rest will follow in your love life.
Let's get started, shall we?