Love it or hate it: Valentine's Day is here to stay!
There is no doubt that many of us feel depressed on February 14th. A lot of times the lonely hearts are women. However, I know plenty of men who get sad because they aren't quite where they want to be in their love life either.
While I have wished so many of the singles (and couples!) that I know a day filled with love, light, and laughter in person at my recent events, on social media, via text, etc., there is something more that I wanted to share during this "Love Week". I touched on this topic (and much more) in my interview with dating coach, Michelle Baxo this past Monday. You can check out our episode on "How to be your own Matchmaker" for insight on how I do my matchmaking and how you can use my secrets from my-thirteen-year-and-still-going-strong-matchmaking career to empower yourself. The goal is to either go out there and find the love you deserve on your own or, you know, hire me to get the job done for you. Either way, if you don't want to spend the next Valentine's Day alone-or lonely in a relationship- you have to be proactive about doing the matchmaking and/or getting the coaching now.
In the meantime, the message that I want to be sure you received today is this: Regardless of what things look like on the surface, you are right where you need to be! If you were dating someone who has ignored Valentine's Day completely, did not receive a gift from your partner, or are involved with someone who started a huge argument right before the holiday, look on the bright side: You now know where you stand. It is better to understand the truth than to fool yourself by holding on to the idea of potential for a lasting relationship.
If you are standing alone, there is a reason for that too. It is not the time for you to be in a relationship. Perhaps, you are alone because there is more that you need to achieve in your career. Because of a literal or metaphorical place that you or the love of your life must travel to before it is time for you to meet. When it comes to love, the stars must align for it to truly be in the air. You have to trust the timing of your life.
We can all be thankful that Valentine's Day gives us an opportunity to learn the truth--to see who is aligned with our vision for love and who isn't. And for that reason, I hope you can recognize that-no matter what your relationship status-it is a happy day!
Over the holidays, I met up with an old friend who was getting back into the dating scene after breaking up with her boyfriend.
Soon after some talk of modern day dating mishaps and why so many of us tend to attract the same (unsatisfying!) relationship dynamics again and again, she asked me to blog about my thoughts on what singles should look for in a match. Considering the fact that I've spent the last thirteen years working as a professional matchmaker, this was a perfectly reasonable request. Challenge accepted! After some time procrastinating-because sharing my philosophies on what constitutes a good match is, in fact, everything to me- I decided to break it down into parts. After all, love is complicated.
Welcome to Part 1! Before I dive into one of the most important things that I think you should be looking for, allow me to caution you against putting an overemphasis on chemistry--if it is at the expense of overlooking other factors of compatibility. I see this happen a lot. All. The Time. In fact, I was just talking about this yesterday in a fun Facebook Live chat with my friend Sal Mariano. If I can save just one more person from wasting years of their life blinded by the chemistry, well, mission accomplished.
In the meantime, when you are wondering if you have long term match potential with someone that you are dating, you must look at the vision he or she has for the future and see if it works with your own. Does she want to quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom raising four babies? Then you better decide if you have the desire and abilities to bring home the bacon.... Does he want to quit his job and become a digital nomad for the better part of a decade? Hope your passport is ready!
Speaking of travel, I can't overestimate the importance on being on the same page here. If you only like warm weather vacations two weeks out of the year and he envisions living in European cities for long stretches, it is going to be a f***ing problem. And not just because you haven't learned how to properly pack your carry on bag. People who value travel tend to share other things--like an appreciation for other cultures, a curiosity about the world, and a sense of openness and adventure. If you yourself don't have a similar mindset, you will clash. You better have other things in common. By the way, if you are looking to meet someone who has the travel bug, you should totally check out a geo-location based app, called Jetzy. It will connect you with others who are passionate about travel and increase your chances of making a love connection. I am actually attending their Pre-Valentine's Party tonight in NYC-which should be a totally awesome crowd-but I digress....
Mostly, just wanted to say this: Relationships are hard enough. If you don't find someone who shares some core values and a similar vision for the future, you're in trouble. Falling in love makes us flexible and able to appreciate our partner's interest. True Story: Even I have come to like football-shmootball when I have seen the game through my partner's eyes. And, yes, I really made that cool painting above!
However, things are just easier when you actually share some common interests with the person you love. If the relationship works out for the long term, you will be spending a lot of time together. If you've got common interests to start, you may just be well matched!
OMG! How is it February 6th already?
I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day-actually one late night in which I was trying to make myself tired enough to go to sleep-and I saw a lot of NONSENSE. Now, I didn't go off on a de-friending spree or point a finger at the friends who are posting such silly and insignificant things, but I did wonder:
Doesn't anyone have anything important to say?!
There's a lot going on in the world that we should be talking about today. As always, in February, I privately and publicly talk a lot about love and relationships with clients, friends, family, fans, and, umm, anyone who will listen.
This year, I have also started a conversation about dating violence. Specifically, teen dating violence. Did you know that February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month? It is the time for a month-long national attempt to raise awareness about abuse in teen and 20-something relationships. Those who spread awareness hope that people will support the programs that can help end the physical, psychological, and emotional abuse that at least one in ten teens experience in dating relationships, in 2018. I am one of those people.
Do, you too, feel drawn to this important cause? If so, check out this article I wrote, "What Dating Violence Is & Why You Need To Know About It" published last week, at The Teen Mentor. Please pass this on to anyone who you think could benefit from learning about the signs of dating violence and what can be done to create healthy relationships.