I hear it all the time.
Via email. Texts. Tweets. On the phone. In person.
"I'm so busy...."
"Not free until after...."
"Sorry about the delayed response...."
"Been crazy busy...."
"Hold on a minute...."
We are all "expert" multi-taskers, running around with a never-ending to-do-list, making plans, rescheduling plans, and cancelling plans, because, #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat.
I get it. I mean.... I'm not saving lives, but I've got a lot on my plate too. Lately, I've been filming videos about my current matchmaking gig, helping other matchmakers launch their business at international conferences and such, planning singles events, coaching my clients, and finding the time to share my discounted codes--just in case any single ladies are in need of sex tips from a gay man! And that's just on the business end.....
Despite all the crazy-busy-chaos, we must find a way to be in the present moment if we want to create love and connection. Every interaction with a (potential) partner will result in either connection or disconnection based on your ability to focus on the here and now. You can push people toward you or away from you. The choice is yours.
Since I am guessing you'd like to push love toward you, I'll take the liberty of sharing a secret that that will help the cause. To stay in the present, you need to make peace with the past. As I've recently learned, getting to a cool and neutral place with an ex (somewhere between I hate-ya-you-stunad and I'm-still-hoping-we-can-make-babies) can be very rewarding.
Simply clearing the air to get past frustration, anger, sadness, and/or hope for reconcilation can put you on the path toward a relationship with someone who is more suitable for you. Or just contribute to your own sanity...
Letting go of anxiety about what your love life will look like in the future will actually help it look much better. Its been said before, and its worth saying again.......
This moment is all we've got!
As someone who has maintained a life-long love affair with the written word, it brings me great pleasure to share that your WORDS have the power to transform your love life in ways that you'd never dream of.
Do you pay attention to the ways you speak and write in your relationships? Do you choose your words carefully so that they best convey your thoughts and feelings? Do you look at the ways your partner or potential partners speak and write to you? If not, you are really doing a disservice to yourself.
"Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you. " is a bunch of bs! Try telling that to the wife who read text messages that her husband was sending to another woman. A woman he also calls "Mi Amour" and sends daily sweet nothings to. By the way, I believe words-via text and social media-is how so many cheaters are getting caught these days, and I recently shared my thoughts in Reader's Digest's "Infidelity Signs: How To Tell If Your Partner Is Cheating".
Yes, words have the power to hurt you and those you are romantically involved with, but they can also help tremendously. While filming another episode of Brooklyn Savvy this week, I agreed with one of our guests who suggested that words can help people heal post-breakup. Being that I've kept journals since age eleven and recently started writing letters never sent to an ex, I'm intimately acquainted with how helpful writing to heal your love pains can be. Totally suggest you try it.
And when you are over all that nonsense that was holding you back and you emerge strong and ready to date again.....Well, its back to the pen, or ummm, your laptop or mobile device, because words can help you there too.
They can help you find someone date-worthy and rule out those who aren't what you are looking for. Whether you are writing your profile for an online dating site or sending messages to prospects on Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, Happn, or the app the day, your words will reveal it all. Trust me, there are-far and few between good, relationship-oriented people to be found out there-but you have to dig for them. Its a process. In fact, the screening required to find someone worthy in this app-driven dating culture is such a process, that I even have to teach matchmakers-the dating experts themselves-how to find the gold and the diamonds in the rough! I'll be doing so, as a speaker, next week at Matchmaking Institute's annual International Matchmaker & Date Coach Conference of 2016. But in the meantime, I will be playing with cute dogs at my now canine-friendly office.....
Ciao for now!