Hope you all had a fantastic holiday weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the short week! Oh me? Well, I had a wonderful time catching up with old friends and making new ones at Club Getaway in The Berkshires.
One topic that was up for discussion whether we were sipping wine at dinner, having s'mores by the campfire, or relaxing in downward facing dog in yoga class: Relationships. Of course everyone always wants to pick my brain when they hear I do matchmaking and dating/relationship coaching. And while the attention is sometimes overwhelming, I mostly enjoy it--even while wearing wings at a Heaven & Hell Party!
After all, it is fun to learn of all the quirky and common things people do from their first dates to their walk down the aisle. I like giving advice and just observing the way men and women interact when dealing with matters of the heart. One type of story I particularly enjoy is the story that has a dramatic turning point. Like when people say "I knew it was so over when__________".
Sometimes its the braid in his hair. The way she mispronounced that easily-mispronounced-word for the hundredth time. The memories that no longer make you smile.
The littlest things can mark the end of the end. You never know exactly what will make you realize that your angel is really a devil in disguise. Or that the one you are with isn't "The One," afterall.
Sometimes, people think they know but have no idea. Lucky for them, there are experts like me to tell them why the red flags are red flags. If you'd like to check out some of my advice on this topic that was recently published in Men's Fitness, you can read the article, "How I Knew He/She Wasn't The One". Just click on this link here. http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/how-i-knew-shehe-wasnt-one
And, in the meantime, cheers to finding "The One"!
Yesterday, I engaged in one of my favorite lunch-hour activities: The pedicure.
Instead of going to my usual midtown east nail salon, I decided to try a new spot that enticed me with a considerably discounted price.
Unfortunately, the seduction was short lived. Between the noisy construction going on across the street, the stench of a poorly ventilated nail salon, and the employee who was clearly bluffing about the wait time, it took less than a minute for me to decide this place wasn't for me. Not. Even. Close.This business would never have me at hello.
People, like businesses, can either powerfully attract or strongly repel.
If you want to pick a target, any target, and seduce him or her, you must obey the following rules of seduction.
Rule # 1 Figure out what your target wants: Finding out what a particular man or woman really wants isn't always simple. People are unique, yet certain groups share common denominators. Knowing someone's motivations and desires is crucial to seducing him or her. If you have no idea what you are doing, don't worry: I can probably help!
Last Thursday. I spilled the beans for the lovely NYC girls who attended my Single Ladies Night Out. Women always want to know what attractive, successful men want in a female counterpart. Well I told them! (Big thanks to all who showed up at the event. How much fun did we have?) Anyway.....knowledge is power, and you can't seduce anyone without it.
Rule # 2 Set the mood: As William Shakespeare said "All the world is a stage." If you want your own romantic comedy to end with a happily ever after instead of you falling on your @$$ as someone else gets the guy or girl, you better prepare your target for a positive emotional state. There are so many ways to create a romantic mood. All you have to do is appeal to the senses. (Note: Don't be like that poorly ventilated nail salon!) When you see the person you want to attract, always look your best. If you plan a date, choose a venue where the vibe is calm and the scene is aesthetically pleasing. Remember, you can only play your part once the stage is set.
Rule # 3 Act when the time is right: Some say, "Now or never." But sometimes, now really isn't the right time. If you want to know the time that is never good to go all in and seduce someone with the intent of your dates leading to a serious relationship, I'll give you a hint. It is when your target still has feelings for his or her ex. The heart does not move on until the heart wants to move on. If you or someone you know wants to help your heart move on, I will (repeatedly) suggest you buy my book:How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. (Trust me, if it worked for me, it can't work for you.) On the other hand, if you or someone you know is interested in giving a relationship one last chance -on wait for it, wait for it, reality TV- you should probably get in touch with my friends at The Casting Firm. Mostly, I think exes are exes for a reason. But sometimes, there is enough reason to salvage a relationship.
And for the rest of us, Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
People who don’t live in NYC often think The Big Apple is the ideal place to find love.
They can’t help but ask the bright, successful, and beautiful women they meet how they could possibly be single in a city with so many single men. Clearly, these people don’t “get” the reality of the dating scene for many single New Yorkers.
Finding lasting love is difficult for both men and women in this city. From my nine years of experience working here in the dating industry, my personal dating career, my reality-date-a-thon, and the experience of my friends, I’ve concluded that it is actually a hella lot harder for women.
The truth is there are a lot of reasons why we ladies are single in New York City. Here are ten to start with....
PS: Tell me why you think NYC women are single in the comments below.
As the saying goes, besides death and taxes, there isn’t much that is certain in this life. Many times, we think we know something or someone and turn out to be all wrong.
Life has a funny way of fooling us in ways that we could have never anticipated, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Yet, there are many instances in which our gut feeling is absolutely one hundred percent on point.
The question is: How do we know when to listen to that little voice inside our head? Unless we are mentally ill, incredibly jaded, and/or terribly insecure, the answer is probably most of the time.
And, if not most of the time, especially in the times when we encounter the following.
The Sign: Also known as The Red Flag, The Sign, is usually something that is later recognized as having been present all along. When we meet someone we really like, especially at a time when we really want to have someone to like, we tend to ignore the red flags about him or her. Red flags can be big or small, subjective or black or white. Sometimes, a red flag can be a fish decoration hanging in a guy’s bathroom. Other times, a red flag can be another woman dressed in a plumber’s costume showing up at your doorstep. (Yes, I saw The Other Woman, and even Cameron Diaz looking fab with a plunger could not turn a bad boy good.)Regardless of the nature of a red flag, when you see one, put the brakes on!
The Epiphany: Every now and then, instead of gradually coming to a state of common sense about our relationships, we experience a sudden, striking realization. We see the world (and our love lives) in a new light. That wow- my-ex-really-is-a-loser-moment can hit us like a ton of bricks. Usually, the red flags were there all along, but until that one thing happened, we couldn’t see them. Sometimes epiphanies come about not when we are ready to let go of a relationship, but when we are truly ready to find love. It’s as if we can go along our merry way (distracting ourselves into thinking we love being single) until that one day we get a funny text and realize we have no special someone to share it with. Mhhm. These are the moments that prompt people to do crazy things—like join Tinder and take it seriously.
The One: Just as I believe we can instantly know when someone isn’t for us, I do think that we can quickly spot the person who has the potential of being the one we will date, fall in love with, and/or marry. Plenty of women-not to mention their mothers-report having this strong gut feeling about the guy they end up marrying. Sure, some men can have this intuition that turns out to be right too. When meeting a soul mate, most say they had an instant attraction and a sense of familiarity. They both feel so comfortable, as if they have known each other their whole lives. Other successful couples don’t necessarily know The One from the moment they met, but have what my sister likes to call “just know moments”. Basically, these moments are the ones in which a couple’s relationship is validated. Often, it’s the little things an quiet moments that make them realize why they are meant to be together.
When did you “just know”? Was there a time in your life where you should have listened to your gut in your love life but didn’t? Please share your comments below.
If you or someone you know is single and would like to be reminded of all the red flags ignored in a past relationship so mistakes are not repeated, check out my book How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style.