Human beings are often creatures of habit.
We sit in the same spot in the auditorium every time there is a conference, follow the same "order" when completing everyday tasks like taking a shower, and go to the same cafe for our daily cup of Joe. Really?! Who am I? Did I just say daily cup of Joe?!
Without a doubt-and even though it can sometimes bore us-we like routine. We are comfortable with the familiar. We like being in relationships with those whom we have established a comfortable dynamic--even if it is sometimes uncomfortable.
Let's face it: Romantic relationships can get uncomfortable! They often include: Two people with two different sets of expectations. Two different personalities. Two different ways of communicating. Two different ways of fighting. Two different ways of loving.
You never know what kind of ride you are really in for until you start the journey. Even those who seem predictable in the beginning can turn out to say and do things you would have never imagined. The "nice" ones can turn into jerks. The calm, cool, and collected ones can get "crazy" when the magic combination of buttons are pressed.
You never know who or what could interfere with your relationship. Or what weird things could happen during sex! You really just never know how the story will end....
What you could do is be an active participant in creating and maintaining your relationship. It starts with doing what I suggested last week: Getting over your past, not hardening your heart, and choosing love.
How would your life be different if you could put love on autopilot? What if it was as natural as you following your daily routine? What if you were so programmed to love that you could respond differently to your date or your partner when he/she did something that would normally trigger a negative response and annoy the hell out of you?
I think things could be different and relationships could be better if you set your intention to love--no matter what.
Okay, maybe there are some times that you can't love. I am not saying that you put up with abuse, neglect, or anything that's super-unhealthy for you. I am just saying: How could would it be if your mind, body, and spirit could automatically drift to love.
Give it a try, and let me know how it goes, and have a happy Memorial Day while you are at it!
So, yesterday, as I was sitting in my office trying to place an order with a customer service representative in Georgia, I was getting quite frustrated.
During my busy work day, he was asking me to state my different billing and shipping addresses, repeat the distributor's number three times, and provide my credit card information. This would have been (almost) fine, really, if he wasn't responding to me at snail's pace.
And....the... zip..code...is....1...0..0....0...3 ?
I mean...really? Who has time for that?
When I finally finished that painful phone call, I laughed to myself as my colleague totally called me out for being a typical Type A New Yorker.
I'll own it!
After all, I did ask the rep if I could just email my information to him while we were on the phone, as well as remind him that I wanted a confirmation number--before he could even get the words out of his mouth!
Sure, I was aggressive, but I wasn't rude.
Not to pat myself on the back, but I do have a talent for empathizing and staying calm with even some of the most ridiculous and frustrating people. (I don't know if I owe that more to my training as a Marriage & Family Therapist or attempting to find a relationship-oriented and compatible man in the dating scene (jungle!) of NYC!)
Anyway, of course, I am also human and on some rare occasions, I do lose my cool.
But whether its an interaction with a stranger or the guy I am in a relationship with that I hope will be The ONE, I always remind myself:
It is a choice to be kind.
Time and time again, with every new interaction you have, it’s up to you to choose how you respond.
Because there will always be frustrating and ridiculous people to deal with.
Being rude and hard doesn't protect you from them, just as being guarded in relationships won't definitely prevent your worst nightmares from coming true.
Even if you are hardened in love and life: You don't have to harden your heart, and ya know, act hard.
'Cause peace, love, and Skittles are much more rewarding......
Life is good! Today, I get to experience a matchmaker's dream day! Just got the news that one of my clients proposed to the lovely lady I introduced him to eighteen months ago!
On top of that, I am being considered as a love expert for an interesting new reality show, and I am co-hosting an event tonight with EZ Dating Coach in my home-state of NJ! The event is for single ladies who are looking for-you guessed it- their happily-ever after. (It takes place at Hoboken's Little Town Social, 7:30PM, and you can just show up for an awesome He Said/She Said discussion on love and commitment.) In the meantime, I wanted to share three very important steps for the ladies who want a man to propose......
Step 1: Pick the RIGHT guy.
I could say a lot about who the right guy is or isn't for any given client, friend, or stranger who just told me her life story at the bar. Without a doubt, the decision of whom to marry is as important and personalized as decisions get. Husbands are not one-size-fits-all. But one thing that is true about the right guy every time: He's the guy who loves you for you and is ready to commit to creating and maintaining a successful relationship with you.
Step 2: Start the relationship as you wish for it to continue.
We all know stories of men and women who are on their best behavior during the first few months of the relationship. After they get comfortable, their true colors start to come out. If you want a relationship that will last, it is important to initially present yourself as you truly will be for the long term. Men like consistency. If you make an effort to stay fit and dress sexy for the first few months, he will not be thrilled when you cancel your gym membership and start wearing frumpy nightgowns to bed! Its not just about looks though. The key is creating the dynamic and expressing yourself in the way that is genuinely you--from the start.
Step 3: Convince your man that there is no one better for him than you.
Don't worry--there is no sleazy sales pitch required! If you pick the right man and be yourself throughout the relationship, you will not be a tough sell. If you make your man feel understood as well as show him respect, loyalty, and love, you will be adding incredible value to his life. It won't be (too!) long until he realizes that his life is much better with you in it. Pretty soon, he'll find that he can't imagine his life without you!
Want to work with me and become another success story?! Send me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com and let me know how I can help you create the love you want today!
"Consider men without a sex drive. They would all be walking around in flip-flops and shorts, some hung over from the party after the rugby game, toothless from fights, laughing about fart jokes, and eating barking pigs, all the time, every day, for the rest of their lives. "
-B.D. Foley in this awesome book I just finished reading
Yup. Most men would be pretty gross if it weren't for the women who inspire them to shower, shave, and put on a suit....or, umm, something that they picked up off their bedroom floor.
But the grossest thing ever?
I just used Drano Snake Plus to unclog my sink-for the first time- and once again decided that I need a husband!
Also, that 85 dollar Bumble & Bumble brush I accidentally bought at Sephora was a total rip-off, because, clearly, there was more hair in the drain than on the brush, but I digress..........
Yes, I am aware that I digress a lot, but people seem to like it!
Another thing they like is FREE DATING & RELATIONSHIP ADVICE--from professionals to anyone who will listen.
In fact, I have a matchmaker-friend who once sat in New York City's Union Square and dished out complimentary love advice to anyone who would take it. (Let's just say she met a lot of homeless people!)
In that spirit, I am participating in a live web event, "All Things Dating....How To Find Love Again" on Monday, May 9th at 8PM, EST, with another matchmaker friend. If you want to listen in-at no cost to you- just subscribe here.
There will be some really solid advice for both men and women--from both men and women.
And don't worry, I know husbands are good for more than just doing the dirty work.