It’s not uncommon knowledge that there are a lot of single people in the world.
In fact, singles actually outnumber the married folk in this day and age. Let’s face it: People are living longer, and forever is a very long time!
Still, there are tons of singles out there who would love nothing more than to be stuck with someone (special) for the rest of their lives. So what gives? Why are they still single?
In my ten years of experience in the love industry, I’ve come to believe that people are single for a reason. And some people are always single. Many of them fall into one or more of the following four categories:
The single who is stuck on an ex
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You can’t move forward if you are looking backward. To put it simply, when it comes to your ex, you need to just…..Fogetaboutit! You can choose to get over your ex Italian American Style or any other way you see fit; the important thing is that you mend your broken heart and move on! Your status will only change from “single” to “in a relationship” when you are truly mentally and emotionally ready to let a new love into your life.
The single who is closed off to new experiences
You might think that you are open, but be honest with yourself. How many social invitations do you turn down? Do you roll your eyes at the idea of speed dating, cringe at online dating, and think that you aren’t desperate enough to go to a matchmaking service? You have to be open to new experiences—no matter how out of the box they may seem. One thing I’d recommend to NYC singles is a curated experience like that at Underground Unattached. I recently went to one of these private events and can tell you firsthand what an incredible and unique opportunity it is for making romantic connections—as well as business and platonic connections too. You can truly never know how you will meet the love of your life!
The single who is obsessed with finding the perfect match
If you always have to have a date for Sunday-Funday- just to make sure the guy/girl isn’t better than your Saturday Night date-this is you! If you go on more dates in one week than any of your friends do in months, there is a good chance you are chasing something that doesn’t exist. There is no perfect person out there. There is only someone who could be perfect for you if you stop swiping right and just be happy to get to know the person right in front of you. More dates isn’t always the answer! There is something to be said for deleting all your mobile dating apps, ending the vicious serial dating cycle, and committing to a relationship with someone perfectly imperfect.
The single who is obsessed with being the perfect match
Are you noticing a common theme here? That’s right, no one is perfect! Surely, I agree with matchmaking experts like Patti Stanger, who I had the pleasure of meeting and learning from in LA last week, that believe singles need to improve themselves before they find love. However, I think singles need to realize that they are actually worthy of love just as they are. Right. Now. Not when they lose ten pounds, write their first novel, or have ten thousand more dollars in the bank. Love does not happen on a timeline. You can meet your perfect match anytime.
Recognize yourself or someone you care about in these descriptions? Send me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com to change your single status once and for all.
There is a definite difference between people who have love in their life and people who don’t:
The love. That delicious thing that we all want and need.
Some people haven’t realized that you need to give love to receive it. There are a lot of people walking around feeling unloved these days. Instead of being lovers, they are being haters.
Today, I met a hater.
She looked like a hater. She was considerably overweight in unflattering clothing with short, unstyled hair. She had a nasty look on her face. She just didn’t look like someone who loved herself or loved anyone else for that matter.
I sat down next to her in the empty seat on the subway train.I was struggling with two big bags trying to squeeze myself into the seat next to her, and she made a rude comment to me as one of my bags lightly grazed her leg.
I didn’t get mad. I just apologized and then ignored her. I went back to doing what I needed to be doing—typing up a blog post for PattiKnows.com on my iPhone. (By the way, I am SUPER psyched that I will be meeting Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker herself, this week.)
I didn’t pay this woman any mind, until now when I was wondering what I should write about in this week’s newsletter.
I don’t have time for haters, you see. I’m too busy loving me. My life. The people in it. And the people who could be in it.
The Moral Of The Story: Be a lover, not a hater.
If, you, too have learned to ignore the haters, let me know how you did it. Leave a comment below.
Yesterday, one of my single girlfriends in NYC texted: “There’s a million ways to find a date, but it’s so hard to find The One.”
Considering all of the online dating websites, singles events, dating events, reality shows, and matchmakers out there. I couldn’t agree more! There are lots of people going on lots of dates and still getting nowhere close to finding that special person they could spend the rest of their life with. What gives?
In my experience, many singles are searching for someone who doesn’t exist.
They think that there’s no one available that is good enough to date and are always finding fault with the people that are interested in dating them.
There are plenty of other singles who are content with their partner in the early stages of dating, but get “antsy” after a couple months, because they have a fear that they are missing out on someone who could be better for them. Or maybe it is a fear of intimacy. Or commitment.
The common denominator here is that there are a lot of single people getting in their own way.
I am willing to bet that many of these singles could be happier than they think if they just pick someone who is compatible and settle down with them already!
That’s right: My suggestion for finding and keeping The One is to just choose to make a relationship work with the one who is good enough for you!
I’ve been such a fan of the A&E reality show, Married At First Sight, where strangers marry at first sight, for that very reason: There’s something to be said for turning your head away from all of the other options out in the world who could possibly be a match for you in favor of just picking one to tie the knot with. (By the way, I am going to be sharing my thoughts with you on the last episode of this season’s MAFS after it airs Tuesday night, so stay tuned!) This unique reality show has confirmed my belief that one of the most crucial factors in finding and keeping The One is having the mindset that there is someone out there good enough for you to care about for the long term.
The truth is: If you are truly committed to caring about one person and making it work, that person can become The One. Remember that no matter how frustrating your search may seem, you only need one!
If you have found "The One" by changing your mindset, leave a comment on the blog or email me with your success story at Rachel@RachelRusso.com.