When it comes to dating and relationships, I tell my clients and friends to leave no stone left unturned!
The truth is that you really never know how or where you will find your match. The only thing that really matters is that you find him, right? After all, I don't really know anyone who talks about how horrible it was that she met her husband on a, gasp, dating app--instead of locking eyes across the room at a Sadie Hawkins dance like grandma and grandpa did. I mean...its 2017!
As a matchmaker and dating coach, one of my greatest wishes is that more people would be more open to the notion that love could happen anywhere. Like, literally anywhere! Online. Offline. In an elevator. While waiting to get your teeth cleaned at your dentist's office. I especially wish women would embrace this notion that maybe all of those fairy tales and romantic comedies have led us down the wrong path. In real life, there isn't always a happy ending. He doesn't always come chasing after you at the airport just before you are about to board the plane. In the end, you are likely to learn that the guy who treated you like a jerk five years ago still treats you like a jerk today. No, he didn't transform into your prince. He didn't become your bestie. And he never selflessly introduced you to one of his friends who he knew in his heart of hearts would be an even better match for you.
Ah. Friends. It seems like every girl is comfortable meeting her significant other through a friend. Sure, that seems ideal--you already have common ground. But what do you do when none of your friends have friends to introduce you to? When they are all married and in relationships and don't throw anymore house parties--let alone leave the house to meet you for a drink? What do you do when your guy friends say that they don't know any guys who aren't a**holes and your girl friends say that if they knew a great guy they'd be dating him! The struggle is real,, people, as evidenced by the texts my friend sent in the screenshot above.
Well, you can make new friends, of course. I know this is easier said than done for some people. Location plays a role. Sometimes, it is challenging to meet like-minded people in the suburbs. However, it can be just as hard to meet friends in a city where everyone is always travelling. Age can make it difficult too--with the general consensus being that it is hard to make friends-particularly girl friends-post-college. Or when you aren't working for a big company where everyone goes to weekly happy hours.
If you are wondering what a girl is to do, this is where the leaving no stone unturned comes in. You can do something bold. Like download an app that will help you meet your new best friends! I am talking about Bumble BFF, of course! Have you heard of the app? I think its incredibly exciting that there is an app that can help women find friends! Not only because having girl friends is such a great way to add joy to your life, but because if you expand your network of single girls, you'll increase your chances of finding the one. Trust me, its the women out there who are generally playing matchmaker for other women--its not the men. Making new friends is an interesting way to accomplish your goal of finding love, and you;ll never know the possibilities that each new friend can open up for you. The end destination-finding the love of your life-is, of course, incredible, but it is the journey that counts!
First and foremost.......
Let it be known that I am not looking for an opportunity to "bash" the male species.
As I wrote in a Facebook post today, I am not a man-hater; I actually like, respect. and work successfully with many men as a matchmaker and dating/relationship coach. Yes, I do feel drawn to the cause of empowering women in love and life-as we are still at a disadvantage in many ways- but that doesn't mean I want to take the power away from men. The power can be shared, people! And its probably best when shared too....
That being said, when it is time to point a finger at men, it is time to point a finger at men
So,guys, listen up. I am going to speak for (almost!) all women in this public service announcement.
We are sick and tried of putting up with your shit.
In other words, when you do the same thing for the 997th time, it is really annoying. Not only because the behavior itself is annoying, but because chances are we've told you at least 498 times that it bothers us, and you have told us at least 498 times that you were sorry and would do better.
We've probably told you this in at least 249 different ways. Because, we probably gave you the benefit of the doubt the first 124 times. Like maybe you simply didn't know that our text response of "K" meant we thought you should jump off a bridge and die. .Cause after all, men aren't mind readers, right? So then we started telling you in the form of eloquently stated emails, texts, or good old fashioned conversations. But you didn't get that either. And, so, we resorted to sending photos like this. Since men are so visual and all......
Speaking of photos, it is absolutely not, never was, and never will be okay for you to engage in "revenge porn" against an ex--especially when a child is involved. In case you are living under a rock or have more important things to do than follow the drama between people like Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna, this term refers to posting explicit photos of an ex on social media. Disgraceful, disrespectful, and downright abusive--no matter what your ex did to you.
And this is exactly why we don't want to send you "sexy" pics.....
Come on guys, cut the crap! Stop objectifying women. Stop treating us like disposable commodities. Stop thinking you can do whatever you want and that we will forgive you because you are hot, rich, good in bed--or whatever else you think you are.
Treat women like you want to be treated. Show some respect. Have some manners and class. Love. Okay? Just, love.
Happy 4th of July, my Luvahs!
In honor of Independence Day, I have been spending some quality time having summer fun with friends and family, as well as working from home in the sunshine. Today, I did something thinking about how I could help ya'll experience freedom in your love life.
So, listen, here's what I came up with....If you want to be free in love, please do as follows:
1. Stop living in a self-imposed prison. Your negative thoughts. Your limiting beliefs. The patterns that you keep repeating. All the things that keep you stuck in that relationship you need to move on from. Or the things that prevent you from even getting into a relationship in the first place. Yeah, get rid of all that garbage. Clean house and let go of the people and all the "stuff" that no longer serve you. Its the only way to make space for what does.
2. Listen to your heart. Are you at risk of getting distracted by all the noise? And, no, I am not talking about fireworks! Everyone has an opinion on your love life, right? Can you get quiet enough to hear yours? What does your heart want? Does your heart really want you to date or stay with the person who looks good on paper but doesn't make it skip a beat? Accept what you want in love, and go for it already! You can't have freedom in love unless you are authentic. And you can't be authentic when you are listening to everyone else but yourself. That being said, if you are so confused that you can't trust your own voice, do not listen to your voice. Call me; listen to mine!
3. Don't be afraid to get hurt.
As suggested in this really helpful article that I came across in Elephant Journal, vulnerability is some scary s**t! But it is absolutely a pre-requisite for real love! You have to be your true self in a relationship and share how you really feel, even and especially when you are afraid of rejection. This is easier said than done, but do it if want to let freedom ring in dating and relationships. You just have to.
In the meantime, have a great holiday!
PS: I'm offering a holiday special for the week of July4th-11th. All coaching packages advertised on my website here-normally priced at $250-300-will be offered for just $125 when booked as a "Special Session" before July 1, 2017. Book your session here now or email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com with any questions.