Back in the day when I was young, silly, and also doing my whole reality dating blogging stint, I wasn't so selective about the types of guys I went on dates with.
After all I had a quota. You don't do ninety-two dates in one year by being too picky!
I'd often find myself sitting across the table from another somewhat unappealing guy thinking: GET ME OUT OF HERE! Uggh. The torture!
Thank God I lived to write about it! And speak about it. And help others who experienced the hellishness of the modern day dating scene that I had become so intimately acquainted with.
Every single dating fail has taught me valuable lessons, further developed my empathy for the suffering of other singles, and has made me appreciate a good guy when I see him!
So as you probably gather, I like to talk about this stuff. And not just from my professional perspective as an experienced matchmaker and dating & relationship coach-or from a clinical lens as the therapist I was trained to be-but in the voice of a single woman who truly gets it.
In other words: Real talk!
In fact, I'll be keeping it real once again as I talk dating, relationships, sex, and love on The Great Love Debate stage at StandUp NY, this Monday night, August 14th at 8PM. If you are in-or can be in- NYC next week, please come and join me, as I sit on the panel of this "wild, feisty, hilarious, interactive forum on love, sex, & relationships in 2017".
Seriously, though, the people who have attended my past two shows loved it!
Note: All tickets must be be purchased in advance here. Full Disclosure: I am not sure if I am going to doing another show. Sometimes in life-and in dating- It is now or never, my friends!
And sometimes, after that #WorstDateEver or after the relationship that hurts your soul, you just have to remind yourself not to let it break you.
'Cause even when you feel broken, life goes on.
Think about what you want. Like, really, really want.
I am willing to bet that what you really want isn't a "thing" or even a person.
What you are really after is the feeling that said thing or person brings out in you.
For instance, let's pretend you are a single lady who wants to date a tall, dark, and handsome, highly-educated, successful, professional man living in Manhattan. Join the club! You want him to wine you, dine you, and propose within one year. You want him to want children as much as you do and also to have adventures in which he'll whisk you away to places that are far sexier than NYC.
Underneath all of your "criteria", could be the desire to feel anything from: attractive, special, protected, secure, settled, or happy.Whether male or female-gay or straight-we all share these basic desires and the need to feel love. So, great! Let's assume you know what you want. Put a check mark next to completing Step 1! Now you can put your desire out there to God/The Universe/Life and wait for it to manifest.
The good news is, in the above scenario, the description of what is wanted is very specific and it is stated positively. When it comes to manifesting, it is always better to word things in a positive way.I.e. You wouldn't say: I don't want a partner who cheats. You'd say: I want a partner who is faithful.
By the way, in case you think a guy being faithful is just one who doesn't sleep with your best friend-or the nanny-and then make ridiculous statements like this-you might want to check out this good read. Note: Everything in this article applies to men and women. Should go without saying, but just saying....
Also, of all the definitions that this article provides, this is my favorite: "Being faithful means knowing what your person is not okay with, what they would consider being disloyal, and never crossing that line. "
Anyways, back to getting what you want......
Step 2: Let go of what you don't want. This means getting rid of the people and things that no longer serve you. In other words, if all someone does is bring negative energy into your life, make sure they get the **** out of your way! I've learned that so much suffering in life comes from holding on to people that we should let go of. As you may know, I even wrote a book about it! Look, you don't have to write a book or even read my book. You just have to figure out a way to let it go!
And when you really let it go, don't look back! Maybe this means blocking your ex (for real this time) or getting a divorce, taking a divorce selfie, and then learning all the lessons you were meant to so you don't repeat your mistakes in your next relationship.
Oh, before you take that selfie, you may want to check out what matchmaker Lisa Clampitt and I have to say about this growing social media trend in a recent episode of ThursDATE.
But mostly, just know what you want and know what you don't want. Live accordingly, Every. Single. Day.