Even if you read the title of this blog post and immediately thought of three ways your smart phone is wreaking havoc on your dating and relationships, the actual impact is likely underrated.
These days we are on our silly phones so much of the time that it can seem like we are addicts. We wake up with them, go to bed with them, and even take them into the bathroom for God's sake! These little devices are causing all kinds of issues that can have even greater negative consequences than the geek driving the Mitsubishi. The geek who fails to realize he's blocking an intersection because he is so mesmerized by the latest app on his iPhone 8, that is.
Don't be fooled, I know nothing about geek cars or the features of the latest iPhone, but I do know that the way we behave with our smart phones is messing up our romantic relationships in a tremendous way!
I admit: I am aware of this not only in a professional context, but in my personal life too. Yes, I have been this girl.
To put it simply, our smart phones are making us insecure! Since most of us are constantly with them, we assume others are too--especially the person we are dating. When we do not get a message back in whatever we define as a reasonable time frame, it makes us crazy. When we are completely ignored, crazy goes to a whole new level!
We start to doubt our partner's interest, assume the worst-like he's out cheating right now, obvs- and go into all kinds of negative patterns. Like overanalyzing, for instance. Guilty as charged again! If this continues to happen, we can get anxious, depressed, or in the habit of engaging in negative communication with our partner. Our responses can range anywhere from feisty, to passive aggressive, to "psycho". This can lead to a communication breakdown and all kinds of unpleasant emotions. It can make us doubt the strength of our connection, and bring us down--way down. Until, of course, we hear from him again. Emotional roller coaster, anyone?
The truth is: A delayed response-or lack thereof- isn't the only thing that makes us question whether or not a relationship is right for us. There's another behavior that I have experienced personally that has made me question my own relationship, and that is: short text responses. Now, keep in mind, I am aware that I, as a woman, tend to speak and write more than men, as most women do-and I am a writer to top it off-but I take it as a bad sign when a guy's responses back are almost always shorter than mine.
As I was recently reading Dr. Nikki Goldstein's book, Single But Dating, I was so happy to see that I am not the only one out there who finds this dynamic to be indicative of a problem. Nikki's advice on this issue in her Technosexually Savvy chapter is brilliant! To be clear, all of her advice is on point but I especially loved this chapter and this tip for the ladies: "Go to your conversation with him in your phone and scroll up through the conversation history. If your text bubbles are always larger than his and there are significantly more of them, then it is time to chill and holster those thumbs." Nikki goes on to write that when this is the case, it may be worth letting a guy go, as inequality of phone banter can signal a lack of interest. I'm in agreement with Nikki and all who believe that a man will call, text, or move mountains when he's really into a woman!
And ladies, let's be honest, if we are dating guys who aren't doing that, well, they are probably just making us insecure. Can I get an #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat?
No matter who we are or where we are from, we all have one thing in common:
We never have complete control of our circumstances in love and life. There are essentially two ways to interpret whatever it is that happens to us.
1) Setback: That moment when your life changes in an instant, you think its for the worst, and you allow yourself to go on a downward spiral that completely derails your life's mission and hurts your soul.
2) Blessing In Disguise: When you catch something that seems like a setback, find the positive in the situation, decide it will not derail you, become stronger, and go on to live your best life.
Which would you choose for your life? Because how you view things is your choice. You can choose wisely or you can choose poorly.
I was intimately re-acquainted with all of this, as I had to make a big choice recently. After that crazy eclipse, life threw me a curveball that compromised my safety at in my apartment in Brooklyn. I'll spare you the details, but I had to move. Like overnight. In fact, the situation was so stressful that I had to hire a security service, Guard Security, so that I could put my mind at ease. FYI: I'd totally recommend this company if you ever need a little extra protection, as they were very accommodating and affordable.
Anyway, in an instant, I knew my life would be changed for ever. After almost losing it-ha-I chose to let everything empower me. Instead of letting my world be turned upside down in a bad way, I turned into a positive for both my business and personal life. I'll be sharing more about that soon, but for now I want to share a secret....The Secret
After a difficult time, I started re-reading this powerful book. I am reminded that we absolutely have the ability to control our choices. I am also reminded of a quote on one of those Celestial Seasonings (I think?) tea bags: "Choose well. Because your choice is brief but endless." That's so true! I attribute it to The Law Of Attraction--something I will also write more about, because I know that we can all use it to tap into our own power in our love lives.
Without going into too much detail, I will say that I firmly believe The Universe will bring you positive things if you think positive thoughts. And even more positive things if you make the reframe I described above. I want to encourage you to make the shift that I just did when life throws, you too, a curveball.
From setback to blessing in disguise.
Because if you want to live the good life, that's your only option.......
I've never met a reasonable person out there who said:
"No, I do not want to live a happier, healthier, wealthier life and have great relationships with those I care about. I want to stay stuck in my misery forever. "
Yet, the actions of most people-including some of my very own friends, family members, colleagues, clients, and sweet, vulnerable randos who message me on Instagram with their life stories- say something different.
Their behavior screams: "I want to change, but apparently not badly enough; because I am not willing to take massive action to transform my health, relationships, career, finances, life, or whatever."
These folks-Omg, I just said folks. Who am I?- are simply not willing to pay the price it takes to get what they want.
I'd like you to really think about that for a second. Does it apply to you?Are you taking the opportunities that are right in front of you? Are you seeking out others? Are you actually doing what is required to take control of your life? Or are you letting life take control of you?
We are in some very interesting times, indeed. Times that may make some of us think we don't have any control at all....
I don't know about how it has affected you, but this solar eclipse has completely turned my world upside down! Like, literally overnight. Without getting into details, I will tell you that my life has changed dramatically, and you should stay tuned to see how things will play out for me in biz, love, and my overall existence. But let's get back to you for now.....
While, I believe that some things are simply out of your control-and that God, The Universe, or Whatever You Believe-has power, I would encourage you to start focusing on the things that you can actually control in your life. Hint: They matter more than you think!
With Labor Day marking the unofficial end of summer and with a new season upon us, it is an ideal time to start planning for productivity, happiness, love, and everything else that you want to happen before 2017 is a wrap.
In that spirit, I am encouraging all of you to take action. Massive action! Because why do anything if you are going to do it half-assed?
As Robert Allen said: "Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone." Are you willing to go there? Would you like me to guide you along the path?
If you have been following me for a while-or even just a little- you may know that I have the power to help you transform your life--starting with your love life.
Not to brag, but the positive influence that I can offer is tremendous! It is not just that I can introduce you to people you need to know, share my wisdom on dating and relationships, or invite you to take advantage of crazy, life-changing opportunities like this one....
But the way that I can help you take charge of your love life and push you into the direction you want to go is truly above and beyond what you can imagine!
Do yourself a favor: Honor your curiosities and experience it for yourself! Clearly, the people I have worked with are glad they have! If you are ready for some serious change in love and life, I invite you to take advantage of my special offering for Labor Day!
As you'll see on my website, I do an in-depth Matchmaking & Dating/Relationship Coaching Consultation for anyone who is thinking about working with me. My consultations can be done in person (in NYC or NJ) or on the phone, Facetime, or Skype. They include a personalized SWOT analysis delivered to your inbox within twenty-four hours and is followed by a personalized proposal for working together. Note: The SWOT analysis is a deep look at the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats for achieving your goals in your love life--with and without the use of a matchmaker and/or dating & relationship coach.
As my website indicates, this Consultation is normally priced at $250. In honor of Labor Day, I am offering it for for just $175, if you book it under "Special Intro Session" before 9/9/17 here.
If you have been thinking about working with a coach or matchmaker-or just thinking that things really do need to change- don't pass up this chance to potentially change your life, forever!
Act NOW here! And have a Happy Labor Day while you are at it!