This July 3rd, in honor of the upcoming Independence Day..................
I have three words for you: “Let freedom ring!”
Not only should we never forget all of the brave men and women who gave their lives for our freedom, we should regard the holiday as an opportunity to ponder what being free really means to us.
What would true freedom look like to you? How can you be more free? Mentally? Physically? Financially? Spiritually? And of course, in your love life? Think about it.
To spark more than just illegal fireworks this weekend, take a good look at the people you know who have love lives that you admire. Who do you know that is totally content being single? Who are the couples that have a relationship you would want for yourself? What do they do differently than you or most people you know?
Fingers crossed that you know some people who are actually happy with their love lives. (Trust me, they are out there—though far and few between.) If you are racking your brain and coming up empty, you are in luck. I am about to give you the Cliff Notes on the psyches and relationship dynamics that these peeps share.
You see, throughout my career in the dating industry for the past nine years in a place as diverse as NYC, I
have personally known all kinds of people. I’ve been like a sponge—absorbing all the good, bad, and ugly parts of love lives. I’ve been able to extract the truths that follow.
Allow me to introduce you to the four types of people who have something about them that is really free. (Hint: It is not that “free cruise” to the Bahamas everyone “wins”!)
The Person Who Is Not Super Attached To Any One Outcome: In other words, the opposite of a control freak. Want to be a slave forever? Just try to control everything—from the first date, to how quickly he/she texts you back, to when you’ll get married, to the moment you’ll have baby-making sex. Then, get terribly upset/angry/volatile when your partner doesn’t do and say exactly what you want. Repeat every time things don’t go as according to planned. Sure, because doesn’t everyone want to be in a relationship with that person? The person who is open to
different possibilities is the person who is free.
The Person Who Is Not Stuck In Narrow Definitions: To subscribe to alternate possibilities, you have to challenge the status quo in your dating and relationships. In case you did not realize it, most things in life don’t have any meaning until we give them meaning. And the people who have a narrow vision of who they should date, what dating should look like, and how their relationships should unfold are some of the unhappiest. Relationships are not a science. They are an art. You have full creative freedom if you just stop listening to everyone else and/or get out of your own way.
The Person Who Lets Go Of The Past: The person who is centered in the present is an extremely alluring
person. Perhaps, their beauty lies in the rarity of their existence. Most people are chained to their past. Caught
up in the ways their failed relationships affect them in their current relationships. Focused on making their ex jealous with the new photos they post on Facebook. This is no way to live. No one wants to be in a relationship with
someone who can’t be in the here and now. If you are constantly comparing your current partner to your last, you might as well start wearing orange jumpsuits, because you my friend, are in prison. You need freedom of the ex.
Get on that path with a copy of my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style, here http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Over-Your-Heart-Italian/dp/1626469628
The Person Who Sees The Glass As Half Full: No one likes to be around a Negative Nelly. A relationship with such a pessimist is the ultimate buzz kill. When people expect the worst, they get the worst. It wasn’t just once that
I heard of a man with a girlfriend accusing him to the point of cheating that he figured he might as well cheat since she thinks he is anyway! On the other hand, those who let go, let God/The Universe and just hope for the best, often times get the best. Optimism = More freedom. Every time.
Do you know any other type of person who is really and truly free? Describe that person in the comments section of my blog below.
Here’s to a Happy 4th of July!
An invitation to an event you would have never dreamed of attending. A Craigslist ad. That thought-provoking book. SeamlessDelivery.com. A wink from a stranger at Starbucks. Zumba class. Missing the train by five minutes. Getting your heart broken.
Yes, there are a lot of things that can change your life. Or was that just mine? Hmmmm.....
Today I am excited to share with you a once in a lifetime gift that has the potential to change the outcome of the rest of your life.
I was recently given the opportunity to be part of this free transformative event The Loving Out Loud Summit: How to Improve Communication, Sustain Sexual Passion and Create Lasting Love Relationships.
My colleague Paula Smith has brought together 30+ well respected knowledgeable marriage & sex experts, speakers, authors, relationship coaches and healers to truly create a unique event that is designed to help you recognize what has been stopping you from creating the life and kind of love and relationships you want, and to teach you exactly what to do finally improve communication, deepen intimacy, experience the joy of self-affirmation, overcome fear and shame, sustain juicy sexual passion, and create thriving, lasting love relationships!
Does that sound fabulous or does that sound fabulous?
I will be one of Paula’s expert guests for this special one time virtual video event. The word on the street is that I will be teaching you how to love out loud---Italian American Style. (No Italian American ethnicity required!)
Honestly, I am honored to be a part of this group of amazing top experts. Disclaimer: We love experts are not God. We can’t promise you that an event like this will ever happen again but we can promise you that even if you don’t act now you will hear about the ripple effects about this event for months to come.
Imagine today is your day to learn . . .
· How to speak honestly and listen generously
· How to dissolve the barriers so you can let love in
· How to date with confidence
· What men want
· What women want
· To let go of negativity
· What to do to have more passionate& juicy sex
· How to have a loving relationship without giving up yourself
· How to honor yourself and truly forgive
· The ways to create a conscious partnership
· The role that your brain plays in your relationship
· How to move on from a difficult relationship
· How to see that whatever you dreamed of, hoped for in your life is happening now!
...... and end all the other things that you do that hold you back from having the relationship you always longed for and becoming a supportive partner and soaring in a life of limitless possibilities and confidence.
This summit will touch you whether you have been recently divorced, struggling to find the right partner, chronically single, dealing with infidelity, struggling to overcome addictions, living in too much DRAMA, having difficulty letting go, dealing with shame and codependency, in a good enough relationship, or deepening an already successful and thriving relationship.
Oh, and if you are caught up in the painful struggle of heartbreak as a result of the failure to get over your ex? You NEED this summit!
In the meantime, you also need a copy of my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. Because, I can help you get over that s**t. Like Badda Bing, Badda Boom. Buy your copy here http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Over-Your-Heart-Italian/dp/1626469628
Now about that summit…..
It is filled with mind and body transforming secrets, strategies, deep wisdom, and a treasure trove of experiences from the world’s top experts that will strike your heart and hurl you into action.
CLICK here to learn how you can get started now! http://lovingoutloud2014.com/rachelrusso
Because, why not? I don’t know about you, but to me, there are few things more valuable for your love life than being able to tap into the minds of these experts. To gain insight from people who not only overcame their own personal challenges, but gained extreme knowledge and helped thousands of people just like you, and then became leading experts in their field.
You can literally extract what you need to motivate, transform and succeed in creating the intimacy, love and the life you always wanted.
If any of this resonates with you then this event is 100 percent for you and the best part is, unlike love, it won’t cost you a thing.
Now, don’t be a stingy stunad (like your ex) and keep all this juicy information to yourself. Would you be a sweetheart and share my post with the friends and family members you know and love who would benefit from this event?
Feel free to post it all over your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Google + accounts. Because sharing is caring + good karma. The more the merrier.
If you are ready to change your life forevs, please join me at the Loving Out Loud Summit.
Kindly leave any comments or questions below.
Yesterday, I engaged in one of my favorite lunch-hour activities: The pedicure.
Instead of going to my usual midtown east nail salon, I decided to try a new spot that enticed me with a considerably discounted price.
Unfortunately, the seduction was short lived. Between the noisy construction going on across the street, the stench of a poorly ventilated nail salon, and the employee who was clearly bluffing about the wait time, it took less than a minute for me to decide this place wasn't for me. Not. Even. Close.This business would never have me at hello.
People, like businesses, can either powerfully attract or strongly repel.
If you want to pick a target, any target, and seduce him or her, you must obey the following rules of seduction.
Rule # 1 Figure out what your target wants: Finding out what a particular man or woman really wants isn't always simple. People are unique, yet certain groups share common denominators. Knowing someone's motivations and desires is crucial to seducing him or her. If you have no idea what you are doing, don't worry: I can probably help!
Last Thursday. I spilled the beans for the lovely NYC girls who attended my Single Ladies Night Out. Women always want to know what attractive, successful men want in a female counterpart. Well I told them! (Big thanks to all who showed up at the event. How much fun did we have?) Anyway.....knowledge is power, and you can't seduce anyone without it.
Rule # 2 Set the mood: As William Shakespeare said "All the world is a stage." If you want your own romantic comedy to end with a happily ever after instead of you falling on your @$$ as someone else gets the guy or girl, you better prepare your target for a positive emotional state. There are so many ways to create a romantic mood. All you have to do is appeal to the senses. (Note: Don't be like that poorly ventilated nail salon!) When you see the person you want to attract, always look your best. If you plan a date, choose a venue where the vibe is calm and the scene is aesthetically pleasing. Remember, you can only play your part once the stage is set.
Rule # 3 Act when the time is right: Some say, "Now or never." But sometimes, now really isn't the right time. If you want to know the time that is never good to go all in and seduce someone with the intent of your dates leading to a serious relationship, I'll give you a hint. It is when your target still has feelings for his or her ex. The heart does not move on until the heart wants to move on. If you or someone you know wants to help your heart move on, I will (repeatedly) suggest you buy my book:How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. (Trust me, if it worked for me, it can't work for you.) On the other hand, if you or someone you know is interested in giving a relationship one last chance -on wait for it, wait for it, reality TV- you should probably get in touch with my friends at The Casting Firm. Mostly, I think exes are exes for a reason. But sometimes, there is enough reason to salvage a relationship.
And for the rest of us, Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
As the saying goes, besides death and taxes, there isn’t much that is certain in this life. Many times, we think we know something or someone and turn out to be all wrong.
Life has a funny way of fooling us in ways that we could have never anticipated, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Yet, there are many instances in which our gut feeling is absolutely one hundred percent on point.
The question is: How do we know when to listen to that little voice inside our head? Unless we are mentally ill, incredibly jaded, and/or terribly insecure, the answer is probably most of the time.
And, if not most of the time, especially in the times when we encounter the following.
The Sign: Also known as The Red Flag, The Sign, is usually something that is later recognized as having been present all along. When we meet someone we really like, especially at a time when we really want to have someone to like, we tend to ignore the red flags about him or her. Red flags can be big or small, subjective or black or white. Sometimes, a red flag can be a fish decoration hanging in a guy’s bathroom. Other times, a red flag can be another woman dressed in a plumber’s costume showing up at your doorstep. (Yes, I saw The Other Woman, and even Cameron Diaz looking fab with a plunger could not turn a bad boy good.)Regardless of the nature of a red flag, when you see one, put the brakes on!
The Epiphany: Every now and then, instead of gradually coming to a state of common sense about our relationships, we experience a sudden, striking realization. We see the world (and our love lives) in a new light. That wow- my-ex-really-is-a-loser-moment can hit us like a ton of bricks. Usually, the red flags were there all along, but until that one thing happened, we couldn’t see them. Sometimes epiphanies come about not when we are ready to let go of a relationship, but when we are truly ready to find love. It’s as if we can go along our merry way (distracting ourselves into thinking we love being single) until that one day we get a funny text and realize we have no special someone to share it with. Mhhm. These are the moments that prompt people to do crazy things—like join Tinder and take it seriously.
The One: Just as I believe we can instantly know when someone isn’t for us, I do think that we can quickly spot the person who has the potential of being the one we will date, fall in love with, and/or marry. Plenty of women-not to mention their mothers-report having this strong gut feeling about the guy they end up marrying. Sure, some men can have this intuition that turns out to be right too. When meeting a soul mate, most say they had an instant attraction and a sense of familiarity. They both feel so comfortable, as if they have known each other their whole lives. Other successful couples don’t necessarily know The One from the moment they met, but have what my sister likes to call “just know moments”. Basically, these moments are the ones in which a couple’s relationship is validated. Often, it’s the little things an quiet moments that make them realize why they are meant to be together.
When did you “just know”? Was there a time in your life where you should have listened to your gut in your love life but didn’t? Please share your comments below.
If you or someone you know is single and would like to be reminded of all the red flags ignored in a past relationship so mistakes are not repeated, check out my book How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style.
There are things in life that are just plain complicated.
Coming up with one clear path to career success. Beating a Candy Crush addiction. Reasoning with a drunk person. And, of course, getting over your ex.
In the days and weeks following a breakup, common sense is
not so common for many of us. When we are in such a vulnerable state, we can lose sight of what we need to do to bounce back after the loss of a significant relationship.
Instead of moving forward, we move backward by stalking our ex everywhere from Instagram to the local diner. Or maybe we move away from our ex and dive head first into a relationship with someone else-- who is basically just our ex in different packaging. Ah, the rebound.
While I’d never claim that finding, keeping, or ending a relationship is easy, there are ways to make all of these processes a whole lot simpler. When it comes to mending a broken heart, you’ve really got to do the following:
You must accept that your relationship is over, and there is no turning back. A breakup is like a death. In my recently-published book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style, I suggest that you treat it as such. It is crucial that you let yourself go through the stages of grieving without getting in touch with your ex. You may think that a quick phone call or a-just-checking-in-text is innocent enough. Forgettaboutit! If you want to move on, you need to adhere to a strict no contact policy—at least for a considerable amount of time.
If you are tempted to reach out to your ex, you should sit down and make a list of all the reasons why your relationship is broken and why your ex, is, umm, a stunad. Read it and reread it until you believe it! The truth is: You will never have a new future if you keep such a tenacious grip on your past. Perhaps, the single most important thing you must do to get over your ex is to accept the fact that the relationship is over. Like Badda Bing, Badda Boom!
You have to embrace your new identity as a single person, and create opportunities to meet new people.
Contrary to popular belief, time does not heal all--unless you are doing something productive with your time. By productive, I do not mean sitting at home and watching Real Housewives reruns. I mean taking action that will have a positive impact on your ability to transition into a happy life as a single. You are single, so go out and act like it! Post-breakup is an ideal time to throw yourself into your work and pursue the hobbies you never got around to when you were in a relationship. Making new friends-you know, people that don’t remind you of your ex-can be a tremendous help. This is easier than you think during the summer.
If you are in the tri-state area, I wholeheartedly recommend you get in touch with my friend, David Shapiro. He has a social and professional networking company that runs summer shares everywhere from The Hamptons & Fire Island to Club Getaway & Atlantic City! Trust me: I’ve recently participated in David’s shares and events. They are a lot of fun! If you can broaden your horizons and expand your social network, it won’t be too long before you meet that person who reminds you exactly why it never worked out with your ex.
Want help getting over your ex? Get your copy of How To Get Over Your Ex Italian American Style at Amazon, Barnesandnoble.com or Booklocker today. http://booklocker.com/books/7340.html
For more information on how David Shapiro is redefining the summer share in 2014, please visit http://davidshapiro.net. Or call David directly at 212-579-4844. He will welcome you into his social network
and you'll be thinking "what was the name of that ex" in no time!