Sending out messages to potential dates on an online dating site is kind of like emailing your resume and cover letter to prospective employers.
Sometimes you pour your heart out, other times you give them a copy and paste job with a touch of personalization; most times, its feels like you sent something to outer space. In other words, you get minimal responses and can’t help but wonder if your messages even reach real, live, humans.
If you want to have a successful experience with online dating, the people you are most interested in getting to know have to be interested in getting to know you. No responses equals no dates; no dates equals no relationships; no relationships equals a bunch of people who don't have the first clue about online dating running around saying how much online dating sucks! Don’t listen to the haters. Online dating does work, and it can work for you. You can get responses-and plenty of them- if you follow my simple steps.
1. Register for an online dating site that has a reputation for having members that actually want relationships. All online dating sites are not created equal. Find a good one that has attractive, relationship-oriented singles. Hint: It is usually better if there are paid membership subscriptions.
2. Make sure you have the best profile you possibly can. The photos and text in your profile have to be able to “sell” you to the type of people you want to date. You should get a friend or a professional such as myself to give you objective feedback on your profile. If you can't write something that would make you want to date you, have a professional write it for you.
3. Only contact people if you truly fit what they specify they are looking for. If you are out of their age range or live two hundred miles away, you can not complain when you don’t get a response. There are enough people on the Internet who want to meet someone exactly like you. Spend your time finding them instead of hoping to beat the odds with singles who are "out of your league".
4. Make sure the singles you contact seem normal, real, and have been online within the last week. Messaging members who haven't been active in two weeks or more is a waste of time, as they may no longer be interested in dating anyone new. Check out my article, 6 Steps To Reading An Online Dating Profile Like An Expert, which was recently mentioned in The 22 Best Dating Articles We've Read This Month--Sept 2014 by WeLoveDates, for more advice on who to contact.
5. Use a subject heading that intrigues your potential date. Get creative and think of something that he or she will not be able to resist opening. The idea is to come up with something so intriguing that your message-as opposed to the dozens and dozens of other messages in their inbox-will be opened. Now.
6. Keep your message short and sweet. No one wants to read a novel from someone they don’t know. If the message is too long, it will get overlooked or deleted. (That s**t is overwhelming. This isn't twenty questions, people!) If the message is arrogant or insulting, it will not get a reply either. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
7. Make it clear that you have actually read their profile. You can do this by asking a question about one of their interests and pointing out an area of commonality. Nothing is worse than receiving a generic email that was sent to a bunch of other singles. An impersonal email is a huge turnoff—no matter how good looking you are in your photos. "I like your profile. Let's meet for a drink." This just doesn't cut it!
8. Communicate a genuine interest in the person. Look at the profile and identify what characteristics about the person have most piqued your interest. Make a unique, intelligent comment on them. Tell the person why you think the two of you are compatible or give them a great compliment.
Above all, if you give a reasonable person who is a potentially reasonable match for you a reason to respond to you, it is likely you will get a response back. Now, if it were only that simple in the workplace……
If you are serious about finding your match with online dating, check out my Online Dating + Ghostwritten Glory Dating Coaching Package, and contact me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com