Last night, my mother and I were joking about how women have it way harder than men. Physically, most women go through so much more than most men. Menstruation. Pregnancy. Childbirth. Menopause. Did I mention we also have to tolerate men?! Ha.
In many instances, this means having to deal with the male perspective on our physical appearance--especially when we are single and putting ourselves out there in the jungle of the modern day dating scene.
As a well-established matchmaker and dating+relationship coach, I am all too familiar with how critical men can be of the female body. The harsh reality is that throughout my career, I have learned-time and time again-that men-the visual creatures that they are- have a preference for a woman's body type. It is not fair that we women are judged based on how we look, that we are made to feel objectified, or that there are some men who can not see that our exterior does not define our value as a woman or a partner. Disclaimer: Don't shoot the messenger, you may not like what I am about to reveal.....
Yes, the clients I have worked with-across the board in terms of race, ethnicity, age, and religion-largely prefer women who can be described as "slender", "slender with curves", "athletic", "thin" and "model thin". While some apologize for sounding superficial when they share their match criteria; others have no shame in telling me they don't like "fat" girls. Most men are unapologetic about what they consider a logical explanation. They are simply attracted to what they are attracted to. "It is what it is," they say.
If you are reading this and feeling horrified: Please know that there are indeed men out there who are attracted to women who have a few pounds to lose. (And that men seeking matchmaking services are generally more selective than the general population!) Some men even have a penchant for curvy women.
The truth is: Confidence trumps all! A woman who feels really good in her own skin can be sexy at any size. When she can walk into a room feeling like a million bucks in whatever she is wearing, she can command the attention of almost any man. We hold the power as women. Men just receive the messages that we put out there. Are you sending the right messages?
Most women intuitively know that we teach men how to treat us; but they go wrong by trying to fake it 'til they make it. This could work for a bit; but if you don't do the work, ultimately insecurities and limiting beliefs creep in. Trust me: It is much better to acquire the confidence and sexiness that is such a turn on to men by actually feeling sexy and confident as opposed to pretending you do.
As my favorite food coach, Brigitte Weil says: "We cannot lose weight, get healthier, feel stronger, or look awesome in our favorite little black dress that’s pushed to the back of our closet because it doesn’t fit any more JUST because we want it. Talking about losing weight is not losing weight. Thinking about losing weight is not losing weight. Fantasizing about losing weight is not losing weight.Only DOING something to lose weight brings us closer to our goals."
Indeed, this is why Brigitte started her 30 Day Jumpstart Coaching Circles. Losing weight doesn't happen by accident. And Prince Charming does not magically show up at your doorstep.
Since I am all about being proactive in love and life, I wanted to share Brigitte's program with you! If you'd like a professional to create a personalized food plan and provide you with the accountability that you need to truly transform your body.....
Check out her 30 Day Jumpstart Coaching Circles. If you sign up for the one launching in Feb, you can get a free thirty minute consultation by mentioning that I referred you!
Oh; and at the end of the day; its not really about what men think: Its about what you think that really matters!