Even if you read the title of this blog post and immediately thought of three ways your smart phone is wreaking havoc on your dating and relationships, the actual impact is likely underrated.
These days we are on our silly phones so much of the time that it can seem like we are addicts. We wake up with them, go to bed with them, and even take them into the bathroom for God's sake! These little devices are causing all kinds of issues that can have even greater negative consequences than the geek driving the Mitsubishi. The geek who fails to realize he's blocking an intersection because he is so mesmerized by the latest app on his iPhone 8, that is.
Don't be fooled, I know nothing about geek cars or the features of the latest iPhone, but I do know that the way we behave with our smart phones is messing up our romantic relationships in a tremendous way!
I admit: I am aware of this not only in a professional context, but in my personal life too. Yes, I have been this girl.
To put it simply, our smart phones are making us insecure! Since most of us are constantly with them, we assume others are too--especially the person we are dating. When we do not get a message back in whatever we define as a reasonable time frame, it makes us crazy. When we are completely ignored, crazy goes to a whole new level!
We start to doubt our partner's interest, assume the worst-like he's out cheating right now, obvs- and go into all kinds of negative patterns. Like overanalyzing, for instance. Guilty as charged again! If this continues to happen, we can get anxious, depressed, or in the habit of engaging in negative communication with our partner. Our responses can range anywhere from feisty, to passive aggressive, to "psycho". This can lead to a communication breakdown and all kinds of unpleasant emotions. It can make us doubt the strength of our connection, and bring us down--way down. Until, of course, we hear from him again. Emotional roller coaster, anyone?
The truth is: A delayed response-or lack thereof- isn't the only thing that makes us question whether or not a relationship is right for us. There's another behavior that I have experienced personally that has made me question my own relationship, and that is: short text responses. Now, keep in mind, I am aware that I, as a woman, tend to speak and write more than men, as most women do-and I am a writer to top it off-but I take it as a bad sign when a guy's responses back are almost always shorter than mine.
As I was recently reading Dr. Nikki Goldstein's book, Single But Dating, I was so happy to see that I am not the only one out there who finds this dynamic to be indicative of a problem. Nikki's advice on this issue in her Technosexually Savvy chapter is brilliant! To be clear, all of her advice is on point but I especially loved this chapter and this tip for the ladies: "Go to your conversation with him in your phone and scroll up through the conversation history. If your text bubbles are always larger than his and there are significantly more of them, then it is time to chill and holster those thumbs." Nikki goes on to write that when this is the case, it may be worth letting a guy go, as inequality of phone banter can signal a lack of interest. I'm in agreement with Nikki and all who believe that a man will call, text, or move mountains when he's really into a woman!
And ladies, let's be honest, if we are dating guys who aren't doing that, well, they are probably just making us insecure. Can I get an #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat?