A serial dater, as per Urban Dictionary, is commonly defined as “one who engages in the process of systematically dating an obscene amount of people in a short span of time”.
Chances are you know a serial dater or two-- especially if you live in a big city. Perhaps, thanks to dating apps like Tinder and online dating sites like Match.com, you are even a serial dater. If so, reading this blog post might even feel a bit like looking in the mirror. If you are wondering if you are dating a serial dater, don’t worry there will be plenty of clues—typically in texts like this:
As you can imagine, being a Dating & Relationship Coach as well as a Matchmaker in NYC for almost a decade, I’ve encountered plenty of serial daters. There was even a time that some might’ve considered me a serial dater; but I really wasn’t. Sure I went on ninety-two dates and blogged about them as Ms. New York of 3six5dates.com, but in reality I was just acting as an investigative journalist doing a social research experiment. And ya know, just being a girl looking for a boy to love her. So now that we’ve got that cleared up, allow me to share three truths I’ve observed about people who date a lot.
Disclaimer: These truths don’t necessarily apply to all serial daters. However, from my experience, they apply to most. So don’t kill the messenger, I’m just relaying the messages I’ve observed.
Serial daters have got issues. We’ve all got issues, and serial daters are no exception. Most serial daters are trying to fill a void. Whether they feel empty because they haven’t found anyone to replace an ex, are terribly lonely, or are just bored at work, they date to distract themselves from their pain. And if they don’t feel any emptiness? Well, they are usually either commitment phoebes, people who are unrealistic about the dating process, or perfectionists chasing after a relationship or person that doesn’t exist. Of course, many serial daters are in denial about all of these issues—which is in itself a whole other issue.
Serial daters don’t take any one person seriously. The culture of modern day dating provides singles with more date options than they could ever really need. Serial daters are overwhelmed by those options and often won’t make plans until the last minute for fear that something better may come along if they do. Serial daters think having all these options is good and normal. I don’t really blame them, because these days it seems like nearly everyone has the potential to become a serial dater. Even Andy Cohen is on Tinder! And then there was that “more is better” commercial we all have ingrained in our psyche…
Nugget of Truth: People who go on a half a dozen or more dates per week are usually more caught up in dating for sport than dating to find real love. Serial daters are consuming so much quantity that they fail to see the quality right in from of them. This is why they want to meet you after exchanging three text messages. This is why they text you instead of calling you in the first place. This is why they have “exit strategies” for their first dates—i.e. the drinks, dinners, and brunches which hardly ever lead to seconds.
Serial daters aren’t so nice when they don’t want to see you anymore. Not only does the average serial dater lack the time to respond to all the messages in his or her dating site inbox, he or she doesn’t even have the energy to stick out a date that they aren’t feeling. That’s right, the serial dater is the person who will think nothing of cutting a date short. They aren’t dating to make friends, so don’t be surprised if they don’t want to stick around when they aren’t feeling romantic chemistry. They don’t feel like they owe you any explanation afterward either. So you can forget about that post-date-thank-you-text. They certainly won’t tell you why they won’t be going out with you out again. They’ve dated so many people who have never told them and this often makes them bitter and jaded. (Dating Rule #989: The more you date, the more jerks and crazies you encounter.) So serial daters wonder why should they should be nice to you if they don’t want anything to do with you. After all, to the serial dater, whatever you shared was just another meaningless date. Cue to the fade away…..
And, well, on to the next one.
Have you found these observations about serial daters to be true? Are you a serial dater yourself? How did you become one? Should serial daters reform their ways to find real love? Please share your comments here.