Last night, I was having dinner with one of my best friends since childhood when the topic of men came up........
The men trying to be "slick" players on mobile dating apps, the men we wouldn't give the time of day (refer to slick players), the men we've dated who are now dead to us, and, of course, the men we hope to meet...and marry. Cute brothers, of course!
The conversation quickly went to the challenges of professional women meeting quality, relationship-oriented men in NYC. The everyone rushing from Point A to Point B. The commuters with headphones and angry faces--constantly looking down to avoid anyone's gaze. The young ladies (not excluding ourselves) who have often hid behind their career instead of really putting in the work to find and keep the husband material they've always dreamed of. Uggh and all those serial daters!
Is it just NYC where so many people are perpetually single and finding a sustainable relationship seems like rocket science? No, of course not---but dating, like anything else, can be a struggle in the big city. You can definitely learn a lot from dating in New York even if you aren't currently dating. Try being in the matchmaking industry for eleven years! Oh, sooo ripe with lessons. But with the dating scene of 2016, even the average Joe can live vicariously through the millions of people stuck on the-dating-merry-go-round. (Note: You needn't actually know millions of people, but trust that many of your friends are having a similar experience that the masses of single ladies are--as evidenced by my professional experience, and, you know, the dating articles on BuzzFeed.) Alternately, you can leave your comfort zone and "download" your love lessons through travel. No doubt, traveling for 487 days can be a very valuable teacher on relationships!
Some people say that wherever you go, there you are. I'm undecided on the validity of this adage, as I believe the culture of different places can bring out different sides of our personalities. (Follow me on Instagram to see what my upcoming Miami trip will bring out in mine!) Without a doubt, these diverse shades of us can either hinder or help our ability to attract the right relationships. There is, however, one thing that I am so certain about that applies to us wherever we are in life. It is this one thing I said with such conviction that my friend encouraged me to post it on my social media, and I did right there and then at our dinner. It is this:
You don't need to be perfect to find love.
Really, I swear.....
And you don't need to be in the perfect place either.
Love is available to you 24/7 and in any place. It doesn't care if you are fat or skinny, black or white, completed your master's degree or are struggling to get your GED. You can love yourself at anytime-blemishes,love handles, and all. You can trust that if you do, The Universe will eventually deliver you someone perfect (for you) who loves you too.
The truth is that dating in New York or anywhere else on the planet can suck big time. I know. No other polite way to say it, really! Sometimes, it is a necessary evil. If you want a real love relationship, you have to bring yourself to do it and get over the fact the fact that you aren't perfect. Stop waiting until you are perfect to start dating. In the meantime, why not grab your love life by the lapels, today?!
And tell the players to play on-without you- obvs........