On the stage at The Great Love Debate last Monday evening, I mentioned that "Dating ADD" was one of the reasons so many New Yorkers don't settle down into happy, healthy relationships.
Ask anyone who is familiar with the NYC dating scene, and they will talk about options, options, options--which seem to be both a blessing and a curse in The Big Apple.
But when it comes to love, I fully believe that there are only two viable options for that relationship that you are considering pursuing, staying in, or salvaging:
ALL or NOTHING.
Figuring out how the hell to make a difficult relationship work is a challenge. Because you don't want to let go of it-or the potential it has-you put up with the despicable grey area.
The shades of grey are frustrating. It is the up and down roller-coaster that has you feeling like you should hide your "crazy" one minute and show your crazy the next.
Sometimes the challenge seems too big. You aren't able to get things back to how they used to be, and you wonder if you should even keep trying.
Its clear that a lot of work is involved. This type of challenge is one that takes: Creativity, Communication, Self-Discipline, Patience, Practice, Trial & Error, And A Pinch Of Luck.
Sometimes, he isn't texting you back and you are angrily staring at your phone trying to figure out what to do. Sometimes, she's ready to throw in the towel and ex you out-with this reminder- over the seemingly smallest of issues.
It is exhausting and crazy-making.
But.....All or Nothing--what a concept!
Its so much better for your sanity and the relationship to just pick one. You can either choose to make it work or you can choose not to.
If you give your all and you wind up with nothing, you have your answer and have no need to stay in that one-foot-in-and-one-foot-out-grey-area.
While it sucks to have an ex that you need to get over-like badda bing, badda boom-at least you aren't stuck.
You didn't lose anything, because, as I often say: You can't lose what you never really had!
Instead of tip-toeing around, you took the admirable route of going all in. It failed, and now you are free to find something that better suits you.
And if you went all in and it all worked out?
Well, congratulations, my friend. You are officially living the dream.