Okay, so there's clearly more than just one thing that I wish people knew about relationships, but the title sounded good, and its the Thursday before a holiday weekend; can ya blame me?
Just wanted to share something that I reflected upon this week that would be useful for you to know.
Its actually a pearl of wisdom that was inspired by no other than Ms. Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker herself.
As you may know, I met with her last June when she co-taught a workshop with my Matchmaking Institute colleagues and I in LA.
Well, it looks like I get my dose of Patti every June, because this week, I attended her NYC premiere party for her new show, MillionDollar Matchmaker, which is airing on July 8th on WE TV.
In the first episode of the show-which is pretty hysterical, by the way- Patti says:
"Healthy dates healthy........."
So, of course, this means the reverse is true:
Crazy dates crazy.
But you know that, right?
Something you might not know-or might not be as intimately acquainted with as I am-is the idea that EVERYONE is a little crazy. And because of this, I think that people-when dating or in a relationship-seriously need to just embrace this notion and work with it.
Instead of giving up after three dates in hopes of finding someone better, instead of shutting down in the middle of a fight and deciding you just want someone who doesn't act the way your partner does, instead of throwing in the towel after X years of marriage.....
Just accept it.
You are crazy.
I am crazy.
Everyone is crazy.
So when you find the person that you love who matches your level of crazy, hang on, work it out, and be crazy together.........
I just received a very random and eye-opening phone call from a man who works at a Manhattan florist shop.......
"Was it you who got the delivery of three dozen roses?" he asked.
I replied: "Hmmm. Not that I know of. But I might have an ex-boyfriend who should be sending me three dozen roses right about now!"
The man laughed and said: "Well, the roses don't have to be from an ex, you know. They could be from a new boyfriend too."
Wow. He was absolutely right.
But I had automatically thought:
Three dozen roses?! Some guy must have really f***ed up!
And then.......I thought of my ex!
Would you have thought of your ex too? Would you have hoped that he or she-cause women can send flowers too-sent you the roses?
One thing is for sure: You can't have a better tomorrow if you're still thinking about yesterday.
So if you ARE that ex who should be sending flowers when you hope you are lucky enough for the chance to back together:
Stop holding grudges. Stop reliving the past. A relationship will only work a second (or third) time around if both parties let go of the past and focus on moving forward...together. And, clearly, dude, you need to send those roses.......
If you are the ex who is lucky enough to immediately realize you should just forget about the flowers and take the steps you need to get over your ex: Well, then you have been luckier than me. Womp Womp.
Read my book. 'Cuz I wouldn't have written it if I hadn't needed to learn it too. You are going to need help getting over your stunad ex though. Trust me--its not as easy as it seems--even when you know you need to.
And if you are the guy at the florist: Well, thanks for being a great mirror!
Most people are terrified of the idea of being vulnerable by revealing their true feelings to someone they love.
Double that terror if they actually have to start the conversation in person.
Because so many of us like to hide behind text these days....
Actually, its not just the notion of unrequited love that shakes people up.
It is anything that makes them feel judged, not good enough, and like they are about to be rejected.
People fear abandonment.
Whether sharing a different opinion will rock the boat......
Whether they will be left after revealing their insecurities.....
Whether showing their "real" self will be too much for the other person to handle.....
So they don't act like their true selves.
They water down their emotions--like that club used to water down your drinks. They say "everything is fine" when they are really having a crappy day. They make small talk with people on dating apps--people who will likely "bench" them soon. When in a new relationship, they hold back their "crazy" because they think it will push their partner away,
Well, ya know what? I get it. But it is DUMB.
How can having a fear-based mentality and not being ourselves ever make us happy? Okay, so, pretending may make us happy in the short term, but it isn't sustainable.
The truths of the relationship will always come out sooner rather than later.
I vote sooner. (But I live in NYC. Are you surprised?!)
As the recent tragedy in Orlando has reminded us: Life is very fragile. You can't protect the future or how much time you have left on this planet.
So if you love someone: Tell them. Show them. LOVE them.
And whatever you do...........
Don't spend the next twenty years of your life wondering: What if?
The Pains & Reality of Online Dating!
If you are not single: Congrat-u-effing-lations! :) Now, please have a heart and pass this on to one of your single friends or family members today. Or be doomed to seven years of bad sex. Kidding on the latter! Obvs.
But #SpreadTheLove. Pretty please, with a cherry on top?!
Join Me Live Tonight: I'm the Special Guest on this LIVE "All Things Dating" Web series. FREE to join!
7:00 Central or 8:00 Eastern
What We'll Be Talking About
Click HERE to join for free.
Because what else do you have going on this Monday night?!