I don't know about you, but I really like productivity. While I see the value in leaving some things up to God/The Universe, I also appreciate the fact that x + y = z.
People tend to get a little lazy with their love life over the summer. They think that just because the sun is shining, a new love will show up or sparks will be rekindled in their relationship.
Sure, some of us get lucky. But the reality is much less gltiz and glam for most. It is more like blood, sweat, and tears. Maintaining a long term relationship takes work. Today is my parents' thirty-seventh wedding anniversary! Trust me, I have seen it firsthand.
I believe that we (mostly) have success, because we do THE WORK---even in our love lives where we think things are supposed to naturally fall into place if we are with the right person.
If you are looking for something practical that you can do to jumpstart success in your love life right now, I have three ideas for you. No affirmations required...
#1 Stop listening to the wrong people.
There is a lot of bad relationship advice out there. A LOT! From your friends who project issues from their own relationships into yours to really generic-sounding tips that are posted on Instagram, it can mess with your head!
Instead of asking everyone and their mother for their opinions on your latest dating saga, mostly seek counsel from: 1.Experts 2. People who have the love life that you want
If you want to really jumpstart things by getting advice from experts-and you do because you are reading this-make sure you listen to the audio and video interviews I put out there too, as I share all my freshest ideas.
The latest I did just came out today on a great podcast, Simple Self Mastery with Mike Miller. You can download my episode 055 on Matchmaking, Dating, & Breakups on Soundcloud here or on iTunes. (Of course you can feel free to subscribe and comment if you like :)
#2: Ask yourself the most important question.
What it all boils down to is this: What do you really want?
You must realize that in any dating situation or relationship, there WILL be some type of compromise.
If you have been single forever and want to be in a relationship, you do not have to "settle" but you do have to compromise on something. It is often making a choice between two contradictory things. I recently read this awesome article, "When do you give up and marry a resume instead of a soulmate?", that really puts things into perspective.
If you want to have success in your love life, you must fearlessly acknowledge and accept the truth. And you must ask questions like the questions in that article to get to the truth.
#3 Do something-anything-to get you closer to your #RelationshipGoals
Rome wasn't built in a day! You have to start somewhere.... Time is non-negotiable. Things take time, and every second that you are not doing something to bring you closer to the goals you have for your love life is a waste of time.
Once you know what you really want, you can start the process of figuring out how to get it. Again, you have to get really honest.....
Like, is it really possible for you to meet your future husband when you over-focus on your career, only go out to places that do not attract high quality men, or do not go out at all, and refuse to download a dating app? Or would it be better for you to let a matchmaker set you up--no cost to you?
Do you stay with a man/ woman in a dead-end relationship just hoping things will get better with time? Or would it be better for you to do a consultation with a coach and make a plan for figuring this thing out once and for all?
Okay, okay, it is clear that I am offering you the advice and the resources. Will choose productivity? Or sit right back down where you were and forget all about this email?
Its' your life. And its up to YOU!
Finding happiness in relationships is more of an art than a science. When it comes to matters of the heart, the advice that I give as a Dating + Relationship Coach and Matchmaker is not one-size-fits all.
While it is beneficial to be creative in the way that you manage your love life, it is dangerous to keep making the same mistakes that I see so many people making today.
Throughout my thirteen-year career in this industry, I have talked to thousands of people about their love life. I have noticed many trends among unhappy singles and couples. Attitudes and behaviors that sabotage everything.
If you aren't getting what you want in your life, I'd be willing to bet that you may be guilty of one of the following love-related "sins".
1. You are unrealistic in your expectations.
If I had a penny for every time I met a single person who was unrealistic about who he or she wanted to date........
To be brutally honest, a lot of singles I know fail to realize that the people they most want to date don't want to date them.
Could you be unaware of the type of men or women that would find your most desirable? If so, you are likely to be going after all the wrong people. We should talk.
To find a successful relationship, you have to be aware of both what you want in partner and what you bring to the table.
If you don't have an understanding of this, you really need a dating expert such as myself to help you understand the dating market. I liken this to real estate. When you are looking for a house, you tell the broker what you are looking for and you hope to get it. But you soon learn that the broker knows the real estate market way better than you. Unfortunately, sometimes, what you thought you could get for your money isn't what you could actually get.
The dating game is no different.....
And can we talk about when you are in a relationship?
Please, people, you have to keep your expectations in check! A lot of you lovelies are just as unreasonable when coupled.
You expect your partner to meet all of your needs, and you know, never do anything that hurts you......
(Sorry. Doesn't work that way!)
2. You have not learned the lessons from your past.
As I said in my recent interview--published in the blog at Rx Breakup here......
It is so important to get over the past in order to move forward in love. That’s why I wrote my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. I could talk about this stuff 24/7!
So many lessons will repeat themselves if you do not learn them. In fact, you may find yourself dating the same person over and over--in slightly different packaging.
You must work on accepting that your relationship is over, and that there is no turning back. If you do not STAY AWAY FROM YOUR EX–unless you absolutely have to be in contact- you just further delay moving forward.
If you do not do the work that is necessary to heal your heart, you will bring a lot of unhealthy baggage into your next relationship.
And I promise you, this will not get you what you want in your love life.
3. You are wasting your time in the wrong relationship or no relationship at all.
FACT: A lot of people are wasting their time when it comes to dating and relationships.
My clients. My friends. The random girl at the bar. You reading this newsletter.
I see you.
I have talked to some of you this past week after you read my "Are you wasting your time?" blog and found the courage to book that complimentary Matchmaking/ Dating & Relationship consultation that I am currently offering.
Remember: Every minute that you spend with the wrong person is a minute less that you get to spend with the right person.
And if you really want a relationship but are spending your time with no person:
What the **** are you doing with your life? How long are you going to keep making excuses?
Time stops for no one.
You have to look yourself in the eye and be honest. Do you need to stop fooling yourself and end your relationship already? Do you need a coach to kick your butt and get that profile online again? Do you need a matchmaker to find you your match? Or do you just need to do something-anything-to get momentum.
If you've always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you always got.
And, clearly, that won't get you what you want in your love life.
PS: If you are ready to stop making these mistakes and start getting what you want in your love life, book that complimentary Matchmaking & Dating/Relationship Coaching Consultation today. Finding happiness in relationships is more of an art than a science. When it comes to matters of the heart, the advice that I give as a Dating + Relationship Coach and Matchmaker is not one-size-fits all.