Although finding and keeping it can feel as mysterious as finding a unicorn, people just like you are doing it every day.
Do you ever feel like other people are luckier than you are in love? As if they have cracked a code that you'll never have access to? Like their results on Google came up differently--providing them with the knowledge and resources to actually find success in their love life?
As you probably know, I have spent almost twelve years acquiring knowledge and resources to help people navigate challenges in the romance department. Some of my "secrets" are not so-secret, others are truly revolutionary, and still others are up for debate!
If you are interested in the debate part, you can come see me on Sept 12th in NYC, as I sit on the panel of The Great Love Debate! I'll surely be raising some eyebrows with my thoughts on why everyone is still single!
In the meantime, here’s a bit of what I've learned: Sometimes, there are no "hacks" when it comes to dating and relationships. Sometimes, you have to embark upon a long and painful journey to figuring things out the hard way. Sometimes, your friends and family don't have the answers. Sometimes,Google can't give you exactly what you are looking for in 1.5 seconds.
By the way, speaking of seconds, if you want to make it big in love, you are going to have to know how to rebound, fast.
And by rebound, I don't mean meet a hipster-rando on Tinder who will show up at your door naked with pot brownies one day and be moving into your place the next day.......
Its more like: Dust yourself off, and try again..........
Here are three of my secrets on making it big in love:
Know the definition of settling. And don't do it.
Sure, its easier to keep calm and carry on when you don't have to face the world-with all of its tragedies like the recent one in Italy-alone. But are you truly interested in being with your partner, or is your interest based on a fear of being alone? Note: While settling is no fun, having unrealistic standards won't be a party either. Get real about who you are and who wants to date you!
Stop thinking about what you don't have, and appreciate what you do have in love and life.
Nothing is perfect. A positive attitude is what will attract potential suitors to your like a magnet. A negative one will repel them. If you are already coupled up, your partner wants to feel like he or she can make you happy. Men always want to be appreciated and respected; women want to be valued and cherished. Act accordingly. Always.
Listen to your heart.
Close your eyes. What does your heart say? Do you want to be with this person you are dating or in a relationship with? There's a lot of grey area in life, but when it comes to love: It really is black or white. You either love 'em or you don't. If you do-and the relationship is complicated-will love be enough? This is where things gets dicey, so it doesn't hurt to listen to your head a bit too. But ultimately, listening to your heart will get you where you need to go.........
As Pharrell Williams says: The same is lame! I truly believe that doing something a bit outside of the box will get you further in your love life--no matter what your status.
Knowing this, it should be no surprise that I'm not the biggest fan of a first date that is prompted by a text that reads: "Let's meet for a drink."
Yup. These days a guy who does something as simple as picking up the phone to ask a woman out is pretty much a revolutionary! If you are a guy who likes to go against the grain, don't stop there. I say ask her out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner! Ladies, say "yes" to someone who is creative and wants to do something special for you.
As I explain in my most recent print interview which was called "inspiring, eye-opening and fun" by New York Dating Life, brunch on a Sunday is pretty much my idea of the perfect date.
I mean...wouldn't you like to know about the kind of choices your potential mate makes?
Bloody Mary or Mimosa?
Ketchup on the eggs or no eggs at all?
Workout at the gym or Netflix on the couch afterward?
In all seriousness, brunch is great for all the reasons I described here and more.
Bonus: You'll see your date sober-ish + in the daylight. This will lead to a better glimpse into what your #weekendlife as a couple would be like and, well, if you actually like each other!
For those already in relationships, maybe you doubt you can do the unexpected since your partner has a clear idea of what to expect from you most of the time. Well, on one hand, it is totally awesome that you are consistent. That is the comfort and the beauty of being in a healthy relationship. You've got "gifts" or value that you've been giving to your partner on a regular basis, and he/she hearts you for that!
As per Thomas Edwards, who spoke at The Elite Man Conference last weekend--along with some other fabulous speakers and yours truly: You can always be aware of your value and share it with others. If you are like Thomas, for instance, your value would be that you always bring fun --no matter what, no mater with whom, no matter when, no matter where. So say your partner expects you to be "the fun one": You can certainly change how you deliver that fun. It is always ideal to have different gifts, traits, and skills to add to your usual brand of fun. Sharing new experiences together just strengthens the bond and leads to more relationship satisfaction.
So, what do you say? Why not do the unexpected?
Flash back-once more-to that time I actually considered signing up to get married on TV.
Yeah. Thank God that didn't happen!
While I'm a dedicated fan of Married At Fist Sight-the show that could have changed my life forevs- I would rather be on the other end of the TV watching it. And, of course, posting about important love lessons we all could learn from it--instead of, ya know, legally attaching myself to a guy who lives in a bus. Sorry, Tom.
Speaking of TV, I have been on it a bit lately! And since I know that people-besides my lovely mother-are actually interested in seeing my interviews, I figured I'd share.
Last weekend, I talked matchmaking and dating on Brooklyn Savvy--an awesome show on NYC Life, Channel 25. My episode re-aired in NYC & NJ as well as in Philly, Boston, and The Caribbean.
Helllllo, Bahamas! Mom and I are happy to visit you again. Anyone want to hire me for some love coaching there? Note: Will work for Atlantis pool-side margaritas!
You can easily watch online here.
On the agenda for this weekend......
This Saturday, August 6, 7:30PM EST, an episode I filmed on all things dating and relationships for the "Something To Offer" show, will air for the first time on Manhattan Neighborhood Network. The host-Ann Marie Offer-has actually been filming the show on this award-winning public access TV station for twenty-six years! Mazel to Anne Marie!
You can check it out my episode on: TW 56/1996 RCN 83 FIOS 34 in Manhattan. Anywhere else in the world: Go online at www.mnn.org at 7:30PM and look for Something to Offer.Ch 2. Enjoy!
Rather read than watch TV?
Have a peak at my latest print interview if you'd like to learn about the career of matchmaking and my unique entrepreneurial journey into this crazy field.
And, yes, as my colleague, Relationship Expert, Aaron Anderson, recently said: I am taking over the world!