As you can probably imagine, people often tell me what they are looking for in a partner.
A lot of the times, their match preferences can sound a bit cliche—sense of humor, tall, dark, handsome, family-oriented, successful. Do we all want to date the same person?
This week, I’m in NYC—truly in my element! I’m on a biz trip, teaching aspiring entrepreneurs about starting businesses in the love industry. Yesterday, I taught the matchmaker training-as the kick-off to The Matchmaking Institute’s International Matchmaker & Dating Coaches Conference-and talked a lot about what constitutes a good match.
On the regular, people tell me who they want, and I tell them who is good for them.
Chemistry. Compatibility. Similar Values. Lifestyle. Complementary Personality. Attachment Style. Vision for Future. There is a lot to consider.
While what is romantically attractive is largely subjective, there are some things that we can all agree are unattractive. I’ve had thousands of conversations with people about relationship turnoffs, and there is one type of person who turns off virtually everyone.
Without a doubt, if you are heavily invested in always being right, you are doing your love life a real disservice. Not only do people dislike this type of arrogance, they often see it as a relationship non-starter. Because if the Know It All always needs to be right, then they must think that you are……wrong. Who wants to feel like they are inferior all the time?
The not-so-secret-secret is: We want to be romantically involved with people who make us feel good about ourselves. A relationship with a partner who makes us feel bad on a regular basis typically has a short shelf life. Being a know-it-all- is the enemy of connection.
So the next time you are searching for the evidence to prove someone wrong, remember that you are literally repelling people. Would you rather be right and alone? Or wrong and loved?
Fyi, you can be right and loved too…..
In fact, sometimes being “wrong” in relationships makes everything in your life right.
Happy Valentine's Day! Whether you are single, happily dating, or in a committed relationship, I truly hope that your day is filled with LOVE!
As I shared on my social media: I know today is sometimes a hard day for some of us. Valentine's Day often gets a bad rap as "Singles Awareness Day" or just another "Hallmark Holiday". For some of us: It is JUDGMENT DAY! Will he call? Will he text? Will I get flowers? For others, it is just another day. Cause, you know, we don't need a day to tell us we should love our partners, because that should be every day, and blah, blah, blah....
Whatever the case may be, I have a message for you about the point of it all-LOVE-right here. You see, I believe that the more love you have within, the more love you are able to give back to the world.And that is always a good thing!
Want to claim your power in your love life? Claim you free goodie first! I recently put out a very informal little video on how you can learn to let more love into your life--no matter what your relationship status. I just wanted to keep it real-the way love should be- and I invite you to check out.
If you want the more formal version-yes, I clean up nice- you can come out to The Great Love Debate to see me on February 19th at City Winery in NYC. Although I won't be on the panel this time, I will be mingling with the crowd and offering my take on modern day love--both on and off camera. I will be interviewed by Nightline, and they will be filming throughout the night. So don't be camera shy. This show is SO much fun, and it will teach you lots about how to successfully navigate relationships in 2019. Get your tickets, and come say "hi. I'll be in VIP! :)
Meanwhile, if you aren't in NYC but you are in a situation where you aren't as happy as you can be with your love life, I have the perfect offer for you today for some virtual coaching. To be clear, you can take advantage of this even if you are in the NYC area.
Right now, I am running a seven day sale on my strategy sessions for all first-time clients who could use dating or relationship advice. I am offering a 50 percent discount to those who book their session before February 21rst here. (That's $125 in savings, total, y'all!)
If you want to learn what you can do-step by step-to make the next Valentine's Day your happiest yet, this is your chance. Regardless, I am sending you lots of love today!
With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, I figured it was the perfect opportunity for me to help you get your romantic priorities in order. Whether you are as single as a dollar bill, in a long-term relationship, married, or somewhere in between, I personally invite you to check out "A Matchmaker's A-Z Guide to Valentine's Day". So here are a few thoughts on how to love your love life-no matter what your status- just in time for February 14th! Trust me, there's something for everyone here......
A: Always choose "love". The verb. Sometimes loving both yourself and others is more challenging than you anticipated. In fact, that's probably an understatement. Choose love anyway. As Gandhi once said: "Where there is love, there is life".
B: Bloomingdales! Specifically, The Valentine's Day Collection of The Carousel at Bloomingdales. Yes, I am a "Bloomies" girl, and I think these gifts would be AMAZING for most anyone. Looking for something a little more cost-effective? Try Barnes & Noble. They always have super-cute Valentine's Day gifts.
C: Chocolates! Champagne! Candles! Cards! Candy Hearts! So many things you could bring your Valentine that begin with the letter "C"......
D: Date night, obvs! Whether you are making reservations or making a home-cooked meal for your sweetie: Make it special! If you are ever going to be romantic, be romantic now.
E: Exes: Avoid them at all costs! Unless you are single, think they are "the one who got away", and see a miraculous change in their behavior: Stop talking to them. Quit thinking it will work the second, third, or fiftieth time around. If you find this challenging, pick up a copy of my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style for the tough love that you need.
F: "For me? You shouldn't have." You've got to give love to get love, but don't just give for the sake of getting! Earn some karmic points for your love life by surprising someone you care about with a thoughtful Valentine's Day gift. This holiday isn't just for lovers. Celebrate all the people you care about.
G: Galentine's Day: Speaking of which, this is a THING! Ladies are celebrating ladies everywhere---even in the fantastic NYC suburb where I do most of my living, working, loving, and playing.
H: Heart-shaped everything. Especially this Open-Heart Necklace by Sincerely Silver. Want one for yourself or a special lady in your life? You can order here and get 15% off with my discounted code, "MTCDMP". Personally, I can never have enough heart shaped necklaces. This one is so simple, elegant, and beautiful. It might just be my favorite!
I: Intimacy: Although many people will roll their eyes at the idea of scheduling sex, it is not a bad idea! On Valentine's Day, if you have a partner, its kind of "in the bag", right? Well, sometimes people need convincing. Think the fact that sex is a very efficient calorie-burning activity could convince your partner to get "in the mood"? Check out: Seven different ways you can burn calories during sex--and exactly how many calories you can burn! Make your case!
J: Jewelry: Guys, it is likely that your girlfriend or wife can't get enough of this. They don't say that diamonds are a girls best friend for nothing. If you don't want to get her a gift that makes her question your level of interest and ruin your relationship: Put down that electric can opener! You can't go wrong with the jewels.
K: Kisses! Nope, not the Hershey's kind. You can either burn sixty-eight calories in an hour or you can eat them. FYI: One Hershey's kiss is twenty-two calories. Also, not a bad idea....
L: LOVE! That's the point of this whole holiday. Love starts with self-love, so don't forget to take care of you. Love is delicious. Fall in it. Stay in it. And if you love someone for God's sakes-TELL THEM! Life is to short, not too.
M: Matchmaking! Duh! I always refer to matchmaking as a matchmaker's Christmas, and I get to make extra magic happen this year! I just arranged an incredible Valentine's day date for one of my clients with a girl visiting NYC and enjoying front row seats at Sleeping Beauty-The Ballet on Valentine's Day evening. Maybe you are reading this thinking I'd hate the ballet. Guess what? Its likely I know other singles I could match you with that also hate the ballet! Every lid has a pot. There is no better time than NOW for me to help you find your match. I am offering discounted matchmaking packages-to both men and women-from now throughout the month of February. Email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com for more info or apply to my complimentary database here.
N: Never give up on your dream for your love life by settling for someone who doesn't love you and/or isn't good enough for you. By the way, if your partner doesn't truly love you he or she will never be good enough. No matter how perfect on paper....
O: Online dating: If you are single, my advice is: Don't rule it out--even if you have tried and failed. I make online dating really fun for my clients. Success starts with an amazing profile and photos. I set my clients up with my photographer for a photo shoot-get them hooked up with makeup and hair- and I even come on the shoot if they are in the NYC area! I write a killer profile-or teach them how to-and even help with creating and editing messages to singles I choose on the sites. There is a better way. You can figure it out for yourself if you try hard enough--or you can hire a professional like me to cut the learning curve for you. Did I mention, I got my very first online dating client married by contacting his now wife-of ten years on Match?!
P: Phone. Pick it up and call people for a change. Reach out to an old friend, your mom, your grandparents, or your neighbor just to say hello and tell them you care!
Q: Quizzes. Like.... "What type of romantic are you"?" Google some. With or without a partner. They will spark an interesting conversation or make you see yourself in a new light.
R: Romantic Roses. Because nothing says Valentine's Day more than a dozen roses! And maybe a cute teddy bear....
That you will subsequently throw in the garbage and shred to pieces when he dumps you.....
Ouch. Just kidding! I believe in flowers, teddy bears, and fighting for love!
S: Singles events for singles. Spa days for EVERYONE! Put yourself out there--from the dance floor to the massage table. Life is meant to be lived. Luxuriously while you are at it!
T: Toast. Champagne, please. Yes, I'd like some champagne to go along with my Valentine's Day nails. But, why don't you go ahead and toast? As I always say: Cheers to love and life! Note: It's better to celebrate things that happen in the romance department when they happen--instead of bitching to your friends about how they won't happen, aren't happening, will never happen, etc. Be conscious of the way that you speak. Negativity breeds negativity. Keep your word positive and watch yourself attract all the positive things that you desire.
U: Unexpected Bouquets: It's nice to get flowers when you weren't expecting them--especially when they are from someone you actually like! Ladies, if there is a guy you are crushing on-who, say, works in your office-that hasn't quite made the move you wanted him to, don't be afraid to bring back the oldest trick in the book. Yup, you can send yourself flowers. Signed, Secret Admirer. Nothing like a little friendly competition to make a man chase you. Even one of my favorite matchmaker colleagues suggests this!
V: Vacation: The couple that stays together plays together! Go somewhere fun with your partner--even if it is just a quick weekend getaway. If you are single, use travel as a way to meet men. Business travel and conferences can be a great (tax-deductible) excuse. Last week, I was in Del Ray speaking at the iDate Dating Industry Conference and networking with some pretty impressive people. I can't tell you how many men I met, just out and about in my travels. Hint: Sitting at the sushi bar in a hotspot works REALLY well!
W: Wine & Dine: 'Enough said.
X: "Xrtra" Valentine's Day Love For You: Check out a video I recently filmed on my top tips to may lasting love flow in your life. It is part of The Love Virtual Summit, launching Feb 12-14th. Signups are still open and free for the first 100 people. This could just be the extra support you need to be able to find and keep the love you want.
Y: You know what your heart wants. Listen to your heart and your head.
Z: Zoom, Skye, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Facebook: Want to do a video or audio call with me to see if I can help you achieve those romantic priorities this Valentine's Day? I do complimentary consultations with all who are serious about hiring a coach or matchmaker. Book one here. If my A-Z Guide To Valentine's Day really resonated with you--then it is likely I am the person for you---to help you along the way in your journey of love and life.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Well, hello, from Del Ray Beach, Florida!
So, this is me here at the iDate2019 Dating Industry Conference. I'm happy to be investing in my business and myself.
I must say: In addition to enjoying the educational piece of matchmaking and dating industry conferences, I really have fun re-connecting with colleagues that I've known for years, as well as meeting new people who work in the dating and relationship space.
These are my peeps! Well, a lot of these people are my people--but not all of them. That's not only okay; it is the way it should be.
While I truly believe that every person I meet has value and is a new door to a different world--not all doors are meant to be opened by me. Or you!
It seems obvious, but.....
You don't go to the hardware store for milk. Tiffany's doesn't try to sell diamonds to teenage boys. And, as one of my matchmaking colleagues implied today, you don't match "toothless truckers" with attractive, educated, professional women in Manhattan!
As another colleague said in her presentation on matchmaking hacks, people should look and feel like they match up with their partner. (Ever noticed how people start to look more and more like their significant others?) I, too, believe couples should look like they go together in some way. This doesn't mean they must physically resemble each other, but that its best they have some kind of synergy. Like "two peas in a pod", if you will......
Knowing who is like you-who your tribe is- can not only help you achieve happiness in dating and relationships but promote success in business and life in general too.
As it turns out, recognizing who is not for you is just as important as knowing who is for you.
So draw your line in the sand and never be offended if someone decides you aren't for them in your personal or professional life. To quote my ex-boyfriend: "It is what it is".
When you let go of what isn't for you, what is for you will come front and center.
There's a dirty little question that comes to mind for a lot of people after they read a sentence that includes the words "love" and "money".
Can you truly have BOTH?
Yes, I wholeheartedly believe that some of us can!
I'm also of the belief that black hair and rose gold highlights can peacefully coexist. And, so, yesterday- instead of promptly writing this post-I did this.
Sorry. I am getting better about delivering your content in a timely fashion. I promise. It's just that this was kind of urgent.....
Valentine's Day is right around the corner! I even started doing my telesummit video for the latest Global Love Sumit that I am a part of. If you are looking for love, definitely consider registering here. Speaking of money, it won't cost you a thing, if you are one of the first one hundred to register. So, get on that.
Now, for the good stuff.,,,,
Do you want to make both love and money?
Look, you are going to have to WORK at finding and keeping love or money. This is non-negotiable. It is about your mindset and your behavior. Talk to people who have made it, and they will tell you it is not mostly about luck. It is not about get-rich-quick-schemes or finding-love-in-ninety-days-bs. While it may look like many successful people have had luck, chances are, there was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears going on behind the scenes.
But, its also not always about making tremendous sacrifices either. Yes, you are going to have to give up something to get both love and money. Like time spent partying, for instance, as you will be working. You will likely have to give up dating multiple people if you want to win the heart of one special one.
But you could work smarter and not harder. You don't need be doing slave labor--making rich people richer, right? When it comes to love, you will likely not get every single thing on your wish list. And, if you do, there will be some other undesirable trait that comes with the package. No one is perfect.
However, you don't have to marry someone who will have you "earning every penny" or settle for a partner who has you less stimulated than you would be watching paint dry on a wall. How fun would making love be in that case?!
There are other options. There is an in-between.
I am not here to tell you to dig for gold, to sign that prenup, or to build your own empire and never let anyone touch it. Nor am I here to suggest that you'd be better off with someone funny, or fit or whatever else is on your wish list. Because I don't know your own unique psychology and true desires at this point.
I can only give you specific, personalized, life-changing advice when I get to you know you better. If you are in the market for a coach or matchmaker, and you want me to tell you exactly who I think IS and ISN'T for you, that may be possible. You can start by booking me for a complimentary consultation so that we can explore the possibilities...
What I would like to tell you today is that I might have opportunities to help you make love and money!
First off, I am HIRING! If you want to be a Love Agent for my matchmaking & dating + relationship consultancy, Rachel Russo Relationships, check out my job post and learn about how you can get paid for referring your friends, family, colleagues, and other singles.
Secondly, if you want to increase your chances of making some serious cash in the matchmaking industry, I invite you to come to learn how to become a real mover and shaker in the industry by joining me at Matchmaking Institute's next Global Love Conference, March 6-8, 2019 in NYC! FYI: The early bird special is still being honored! And this conference is SO worth it.
Now, back to this LOVE thing....
As I posted on Insta today: The heart wants what the heart wants.
But, if you heart wants THIS, it is time to start using your head.
Want tips for getting started?
Have a listen to my interview on the He Said What Podcast, Episode 92 Dates in 1 Year with Rachel Russo. Yup, I really did once go on ninety-two dates in one year and blog about them--though I keep my love life much, much, more private these days! Listen to what I have to say about that--plus more on first dates, people who ghost, not dating based on potential, spotting the red flags, and all you need to know about modern-day relationships there.
Meantime, if you have any additional thoughts on making love and money, shoot me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com. I'm looking for people and ideas to help me make more of BOTH!
Whether you are single or in a relationship, you aren't going to just magically improve your love life because you want to.
Just because you have a vision board, just because you have prayed, or just because you know your deserve more than this.....
Things don't change unless you are sick and tired of how they are.
You don't stop being single until you are so over being single that you finally do something that will make a difference.
If your relationship is broken, things won't improve just because you'd like them to. Unless both you AND your partner are fully committed to change, you are just going to get more of that same unsatisfying dynamic. PS: If you aren't willing to WORK at a relationship, stay single.
Confession: I learned the latter the hard way, and more than once too! Sometimes, it takes a while for things to sink in, and as they say: The lesson repeats until you learn it. When it comes to trying to work on a broken relationship, giving an ex a second chance, etc., it is crucial to make sure that you aren't fooling yourself.
Are you more invested in the relationship than your partner is? Are you doing all the work? Do you want it to work more than he or she does?
No matter how "in" you are, it the other person has a foot out the door, the relationship has a shelf life. If you are the one with your foot out, kindly let the other person go. Don't hold on for selfish reasons-out of comfort, loneliness, etc-when you know a relationship is wrong for you. The relationship will not be right for either of you unless you both have a strong desire to change.
You must also both have the ability to work through your issues. Is it realistic that things could change enough for you to both be happy? Ideally, you'd have evidence that change is possible before you waste one more second in brokenness. There is always a risk in love, but, in my experience, giving even a fractured relationship another go on a "chicken wing and a prayer" is a risky, risky business. Protect your heart and invest wisely, my friends!
But, if all else fails, and your heart gets broken.......Don't worry, life will go on.
I am saddened by all the people who give up on love after a bad breakup, abuse, divorce, addiction, or any other trauma. And I get it. It is hard to move on. However, I truly believe it IS possible to heal your heart and get over even the worst things you can imagine! This is why I'm so excited to support Jacinth Headlam, award-winning actress and motivational speaker, with her new book, Love After.
Next month, I will be participating in her NYC Book Launch Event! I will be making a special guest appearance, giving a brief talk, and selling copies of my own book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style, at her launch party in Brooklyn, on Feb 9th. For more info & tix, go here.
To stop fooling yourself and get real about transforming your love life, book a complimentary coaching consultation with me today!
Love. Everyone wants it. But not everyone has it. Is there a code to live by that could bring more love into your life? If only you could crack it....
While there's no universal recipe for attracting or keeping love, adopting a healthy lifestyle can help you create healthier relationships. In general, a healthy lifestyle will have you feeling more in control of your every day. "Healthy" isn't just about reducing sugar or doing cardio thirty minutes per day--though it is worthwhile for most of us to consider doing these things!
Healthy is a state of mind. How do you get there? There are a lot of ways. My own personal code is ever evolving. Here are a few pieces to it that work for me. If you give them a try-for thirty days or more-I think they will work for you too!
Have an AM routine, so that you can win the day! Think of your priorities first before you start answering all of the emails and worrying about what everyone else wants from you. Note: If you are single, checking three dating apps before you even get out of bed probably won't put you in a positive, productive mindset. What do you need to do today? Focus on you.
Always choose to act with love and kindness. I'm sorry, but you can't attract a happy relationship if you are the kind of person who is mean to waiters! Use your love muscle regularly--not just when you come across your (potential) love interest. If you don't use it, you will lose it. You can't control the circumstances around you, but you can always treat others with respect. #SpreadTheLove
Don't settle for less. In other words, be conscious of how you are teaching people to treat you. If you accept bad behavior again and again, the bad behavior will continue. Love yourself more by removing toxic people from your life, and a healthier romantic love will follow.
What do you think of my basic code? Tell me about the code you live by. Has it brought more love into your life?
It is the first Sunday of 2019, and as we start the first full week of the new year, I want to encourage you to SEIZE THE DAY!
If you are single, TODAY is the best day to get on a dating app and increase your chances of finding a compatible partner. I know this is true, because NJ 12 News and my mom told me. While today is particularly a powerhouse of a day for singles on dating apps, Sundays, in general, are the best days of the week to swipe. As you can imagine, most bad dates take place over the weekend......
Want to never go on a bad date or have a bad relationship again? Okay, this may seem too lofty of a goal, but you can do it. You really can, and I'd love to help you achieve your dating and relationship goals! Because that's pretty much all I do......
After ringing in the New Year-with noise blowers + the electric slide included- and easing into the first few days, I wanted to share: I am still committed to helping you Live your BEST (Love!) Life in 2019, and I am feeling positive about the new year for you, I, and everyone.
In fact, one of my resolutions is to create and deliver great dating and relationship content to your inbox EVERY Thursday by 11AM EST. So, subscribe to my newsletter on my homepage look out for my newsletter every week and please consider taking my advice. It can be life-changing, for sure!
Until then, you can follow me on social media for more tips. Icons linking to every one of my social media profiles is on the homepage as well.
And, if you really want to start your year off right, you can sign up for a free Sex & Love Virtual Summit, that I will be participating in from February 12-14th with LUV TALK! Save the date and click the link here to register!
Once again, Happy New Year, Happy Sunday, and Carpe Diem!
So, that's an image of me, today, and it marks my last social media post of 2018. I decided its time for a little detox from social media and email--just until after the first of the year. Trust me, I got this....
Back in 2017, I was given a scholarship for a week-long healing retreat, that turned out to be quite the experience! Part of the deal: For seven days, there was no contact with the outside world. No Books. TV. Music. Calls. Emails. Texts. Or Social Media. Because the goal was to look within and experience the present with a bunch of strangers who became friends....
In case you are wondering, it was amazing!
I did the retreat mid-year, but in retrospect, the end of a year is the perfect time to do a retreat or detox of some kind. Its the ideal opportunity to get quiet, to reflect on your goals for the new year, and to, you know, disappear.
By disappear, I don't mean GHOSTING people! Because as I recently shared, that is one dating trend that I'd love for us to get rid of in 2019.
Actually, I have a lot to say about ghosting, and I just finished off the work year by doing a fun interview on an important topic with my friend & colleague, Mike Goldstein. Before I peaced out on 2018, I wanted to take a moment to share this with you. Check out "Why Do Men That Claim They Want Commitment Disappear?" on YouTube. Clearly, this one is for the ladies, but we go deep into the topic and the gender differences, and I believe men can benefit from listening too!
Speaking of which...
Ladies, if you're looking to find a quality man (who would never ghost you) in the new year, please don't hesitate to apply to my confidential database for introductions to amazing men--at no cost to you!
Gentleman, I will be taking on new matchmaking clients in 2019, so I invite you to contact me if you are interested in having an experienced matchmaker find compatible ladies for you!
Of course, I coach both men, women, and sometimes work with couples too, so I invite you all to schedule a complimentary consultation if you are in the market for a dating or relationship coach.
Also, the social media detox. Give it a try now. You'll thank me later.
Ever since I was a little girl, I always liked to ask people questions. Some things never change, as I continue to ask away in both my professional and personal life.
Note: I think The 36 Questions are totally fair game for Date #1!
Today, I have five questions for you--questions that could reveal really meaningful answers. The ones that could truly make a difference in your love life--no matter what your status.
Last week I urged you to do these two things for your love life before Jan 1, so I figured I might as well help your cause.
If you are serious about getting what you want in the romance department, grab a pen and paper and write down your responses to the following:
1. How do you want your love life to look going forward in 2019 and beyond? Bonus points if you can envision it all with clear detail!
2. What are your deal breakers and boundaries for your relationship or relationship-to-be? You do have some non-negotiables, right?
3. Are you satisfied with your life overall; if not, what isn't working for you? How can you change it? The not-so-secret-secret: If you are otherwise ******* miserable, a relationship alone won't change that.
4. Do you have unresolved emotional issues from past relationships? Nothing can sabotage like an attachment to an ex.....
5. Do you have decent relationship skills? The bar is set pretty low these days, so if you know how to communicate with more than a smartphone, resolve conflict, and generally function in partnership, you are ahead of the game.
So what did the five questions say about you?
If you learned something that you'd like to discuss in a coaching context, don't hesitate to book a complimentary consultation today.