Falling Into Your Best Life

Fall is here—and I'm taking it as our annual invitation to get our lives together.

​Not in a buy a planner, wake up at 5 a.m., become a completely different person by October 1st kind of way. (Though I was tempted to invest in a beautiful, overpriced planner at Barnes & Noble, yet again the other day!)

Because there's something about a new season that makes you look around and think:
Is this the life I actually want?

And if you're dating:

Is the way I'm dating actually getting me closer to the relationship I want—or am I just dating because I'm supposed to be dating?

Your relationship should fit your life—not the other way around. This is something I wish more people thought about before they started swiping. It is something I personally haven't fully understood until I became a solo mom by choice.

Instead of obsessing over:

“What kind of person do I want?”

Start with:
“What kind of LIFE do I want?”
Where do you want to live?
How do you want your days to feel?
What matters most to you?
How much freedom do you want?
What kind of family life do you envision?
What are your non-negotiables?
And then ask:
Who would actually fit into that life?

Because you can meet someone who checks all the boxes on paper and still discover that the relationship requires you to abandon the life you actually love.

At best, that is not necessarily a great match, and at worse it ruins your current life. As I shared on "The Challenges of a Matchmaker" podcast that I filmed yesterday, it is a values clash. (Stay tuned for details on when my guest appearance on this podcast will go live!)

Cue to where Life & Relationship Design comes in.A mutual friend recently connected me with Brianna Bridges, whose work focuses on helping people intentionally design a life that feels fulfilling and aligned.

I loved the connection because her approach dovetails beautifully with something I've been saying for years:

You can't choose your ideal relationship until you have some idea of what your ideal LIFE looks like. Otherwise, you just fall into a relationship by default and find out if the match has a shelf life or not!

You don't need to know every detail.
But you do need a vision.
And once you have one, your dating decisions become a whole lot clearer.
Suddenly, you're not just asking:
“Am I attracted to this person?”
You're also asking:
“Do I like the life we could create together?”

🔥 Now THAT is a dating question. And, as I tell my clients: It makes dating so much easier, because you are no longer auditioning. Dates do not involve wondering if you are good enough or if you came across the wrong way. Your thinking shifts more toward: Is this person good enough for me?  The pressure is reduced exponentially. Bonus: You aren't as nervous and are therefore more authentic and attractive.

Your Fall Challenge: Grab a coffee, tea, glass of something cozy, or your favorite notebook and answer these five questions:

1. What do I want MORE of this season?

More adventure? More peace? More money? More sex? More friends? More family time? More travel? More creativity?
Don't censor yourself.

2. What am I DONE with?

The situationships. The emotionally unavailable people. The endless first dates. The overthinking. The relationships that leave you depleted and stuck on false hope. Whatever it is—name it.

3. What does my dream ordinary day actually look like?

Not your fantasy vacation. Your Tuesday. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? How do you feel?

4. What kind of relationship would enhance that life?

Not rescue it. Not complete it. Not finance it. Enhance it.
Think about the qualities that matter to you in a partner: values, lifestyle, communication style, ambition, family goals, social life, finances, affection, sexuality, spirituality—or whatever makes a relationship feel right for you. This is actually the stuff I help you figure out in my matchmaking consultations, so if you need to figure it out, please send me an email at [email protected], and let's get on it!

5. What is ONE thing you can change this fall to move closer to that life?

Maybe it's updating your dating profile. Maybe it's finally getting off the apps. Maybe it's saying yes to meeting people outside your usual “type.” Maybe it's deciding you're no longer available for relationships that don't meet your standards. Or maybe it's realizing that being single right now is actually part of your best life. There is no wrong answer.

A Referral from Me 💗If you're ready to go above and beyond and really think about the life you're designing, I want to introduce you to Brianna of Brianna's Best Life. 
As I mentioned, a mutual friend recently put us in touch, and I thought her work would be a wonderful resource for my community.

Her approach is about getting clear on what you want your life to look and feel like—and then intentionally building toward it.

You can check her out here:

Brianna's Best Life

And tell her Rachel sent you. 😉

Because this fall, I don't want you to simply find a date. I want you to get crystal clear on the life you're dating for.
​
🍂 Fall into it.
💗 Design it.
🔥 And then go after it.