"I haven't had a date since I moved to New York City several months ago," said a beautiful, young woman at a very unique Campbells-sponsored "Soup Meets Sandwich" singles event that I co-hosted in Manhattan last night. "With this millennial generation, guys don't ask you out anymore," said another girl.
I know. I know. Some people may be wondering how this is even possible in such a big city full of singles and even if it indicates a problem.
In today's modern day dating culture, not having a date in longer than you'd like to admit does not necessarily mean trouble. It could be a matter of someone not wanting to go on a bunch of meaningless, random dates. It could be someone who is very selective or someone who just doesn't have enough exposure to potential dates. Or it could be someone who says they want to date but is actually prioritizing other things. In this case of many millennials, it is probably just another tale of young men who are a bit too into the hookup culture.
But don't get me wrong: There are many people-young and old alike- who would love a relationship but are just unsuccessful in getting dates. A lot of singles are burned out from the dehumanizing culture of online dating sites and apps. Others have no interest in going to bars where they find it hard to connect. Still others are hoping to meet someone organically.
And then there are those who just give up on trying. Of course, you don't have to just be single to give up on love. This happens to those in relationships too! Its understandable, really.
The singles who are not investing time and effort into trying to get dates are often just tired. Maybe they want a relationship-but not badly enough-to put themselves through the emotional roller-coaster of trying to get dates. Same goes for those in a relationships who have given their partner chances again and again and are just DONE. For real. DONE, this time.
So what's the answer to all of this? Do you make dating and relationships your biggest priority when you want to find or keep love? Do you take a dating detox? Separate from your partner? Give up for the long term and hope love finds you?
Well, you can do whatever you'd like really. There's free will in this life, kiddies. Personally, the Libra in me wants to scream: Balance. Find balance in your love life!
Balance is key; extremes can be unhealthy. People are most attracted to those who have something to bring to the table. If all you do is date or focus on your relationship and it is your obsession, you may come across as overeager. If you can make your love life your #1 priority without taking on that air of desperation, the laser focus may serve you well. There may be a spiritual component to success in which God-or The Universe-will send you your match! Or make your match get it together-for real!
But then again, disregarding dating and relationships entirely could help you focus more on your self-development and therefore make you more attractive to the one you want. Some say that you find what you are looking for only when you stop looking for it. The jury is still out on that one.
Mostly, anything is possible.