So you are single and dating in the big city, and you realize you’ve got a bunch of questions about how to handle some very important issues as your relationships progress—namely sex and money.
If you are like most people, you are probably at least somewhat reluctant to discuss these taboo topics with your friends, let alone the person you are dating. Well isn’t that counterproductive. Like my high school teacher said: There are no stupid questions. If you start the conversation, you’ll set yourself up for finding the sex-and-money-related-answers you need for your love life.
In the spirit of starting the dialogue, I will share two frequently asked questions (as well as my responses) that my friends, clients, and social media followers want to know. The questions in my inbox go something like this:
Q: I have been dating ____ for _____ months. We have a good relationship, but the sex is kind of boring. Does this mean we are incompatible? How can I spice things up?
A: Life is too short for lackluster sex, but sometimes it happens to the best of us. You might be incompatible sexually, but the fact that you are looking to spice things up is promising. Don’t conclude you and your partner can’t be amazing between the sheets until you have put some serious effort into the sex department. If you care about each other, getting creative and seeing what
happens is worth a try.
Have you read 50 Shades of Grey, a.k.a. “the greatest novel of all time”? Perhaps, you can try taking turns reading it out loud and see what happens from there. If you are in the NYC area, you are in luck, because I am offering my peeps a discount on this sexy and hilarious musical. Look below for the discount code. If you aren’t local, rent some movies or browse the titles in the “Sex and Relationships” section of your bookstore for inspiration. Oh, and never underestimate the value of a quickie. Just like the power of my short and sweet response, the quickie done right will deliver!
To check out 50 SHADES THE MUSICAL, The Original Parody of Fifty Shades of Grey: 3 WAYS TO GET TICKETS:
ONLINE: CLICK HERE https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/930808/prm/LSP49 and use code LSP49
BY PHONE: call 866-811-4111, and mention code LSP49
IN PERSON: Go to the The Elektra Theatre at The Times Square Arts Center, 300 W. 43rd St and mention code LSP49
Q: I'm a ___ year old guy who recently moved to NYC to pursue my dream of ____ I am finding dating here to be very expensive. I am now interested in seriously dating a girl I have been just friends with for the past few months. She makes a lot more money than I do and she knows this. As friends we went dutch. Do I now have to pay for all the dates? How should I address the subject of money with her?
A. Yes, the greatest city in the world does not come cheaply, and love does cost a thing. I feel your pain and recently consulted with my colleague, Rick Gabrielly, a married man in NY who is known as “The Couples Alchemist," so I could give you both a male and female perspective on the question of who pays when the woman earns more.
Rick Says: In the early stages of courting, we men want to impress our ladies. We often spend more than we can afford. We say things we can't uphold and we often set the bar higher than we should to get approval and ultimately win the hearts of our lady. BE HONEST!! Do not try to impress her by saying and doing things that you can't keep up with. You will set a bad tone for this relationship and a quality lady will be able to see right through your act.
Rachel Says: Your relationship will never prosper if it is based on a lie. Whatever you do to “get” her is what you have to do to keep her. As a woman, I totally understand why you wonder if you must conform to this stereotypical male role, because it seems like women and society want you to. Rick has shared: “There is no rule, it is purely based on the conversation and where
you BOTH agree the ground rules for your individual relationships begin.” I think this is true. But let me hit you with some more truth: A lot of women out there still want and expect you to pay—regardless of what they earn. If you don’t want to pay all the time, Rick and I both agree you don’t have to. Just don’t try to date these women! To find out if your money values align with
a girl you are dating, ask her. If they don’t, you may never be a match for the long term.
Rick says: The best way to address the subject of money is to go up to her and say: "Can we have a chat about finances?
I'd like to let you know my mindset about money as well as my current status and future goals. And I'd love it if you could share the same with me! I am interested in taking our relationship to the next step and I would feel more comfortable if we could openly discuss money on a consistent honest basis. What do you say?" If she joins you in this approach, she is well worth "investing"
in. If she hesitates or tightens up during this discussion, you may want to think twice before moving forward. If you don’t want to pay all the time: You set the money bar at a realistic height. Then from time to time, you surprise her with small spikes when the influx of money allows. Perhaps for a special event, you can go a little "crazy" on her.
Rachel Says: Rick’s suggestions are right on and totally not too cheesy! If she cares about you and sees a future with
you, she will be happy to have this conversation.She will be willing to work something out that works for you both. And although it is not “all about the Benjamins” for most women (of the non-gold digging variety) every girl likes to be spoiled now and then. So Rick’s famous "Underpromise and Overdeliver" technique, is, umm, right on the money!
Want more of Rick Gabrielly’s advice? He is the creator of “The Marriage Buzz: Putting the Honey back in your Relationship. ”Rick is a visionary, author, wellness, lifestyle, health and fitness coach and a “Couples Alchemist.” Contact Rick at http://www.themarriagebuzz.com/
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Rachel Russo Relationships, LLC
28 Valley Road Suite 1
Montclair, New Jersey