Dating is hard enough. Sigh. Seriously, its not all the rainbows-and-butterflies-everythings-coming-up-roses-Hollywood-bullshit you've been dreaming of.
When most people commit to being in a relationship, they expect it to be relatively easy. Pop psychology tells us that if we have to work too hard in a relationship, it probably isn't meant to be. The common notion is that relationships should flow naturally and that many problems make for incompatibility. While this seems logical and may be ideal for the average person, it isn't always realistic. I'm from the school of thought that says there will inevitably be challenges for even the most well-meaning partners.
People have their differences. Gender and personality differences, communication and attachment style difference, and cultural and family backgrounds that are different--to name a few. If people are real-and especially really real- there will be eventual conflict. There has to be! Its how we work through conflict that makes a difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.
The first step to working through conflict is being aware of conflict as conflict--no matter how big or small. Sometimes one partner doesn't see something as a problem, because the other isn't being upfront and totally clear about the degree to which the issue bothers them.
I've seen one "silly" thing-that is actually not so silly when you think about it-that has been coming up a lot lately.
And that is different views on how "public" the couple wants to go with their relationship. Since the beginning of time, there were couples who disagreed on the aspects of their relationship they wish to share with friends, family, and community vs. those they want to keep private. Nothing has brought this conflict out more than social media.
A lot of couples struggle with this. Whether you are single or in a relationship, it is something to think about. How would you handle such an issue?
Check out my advice to a husband currently struggling with the idea of whether it is okay to be posted everywhere on Facebook in my just published-He Said/She Said article with Relationship Rx.