Well, it's officially "the most wonderful time of year........................"
Along with eggnog, greeting cards, Christmas trees, and holiday parties galore, comes a little something called ANXIETY.
With so much to do and so many emotions that come up from the holidays of the past and the family gatherings in the present, it is no wonder our mental health suffers. The holiday season can be tough no matter what our relationship status, but it often becomes increasingly difficult when we are single. It's so nice to have someone special in your life during this season, but if you don't, there's always next year! Are you looking for a solution to get through the meantime?
Aren't we all?
Well, you're in luck! After some thought-provoking conversation over a delicious Italian dinner at Davio's with the lovely Manhattan-based psychologist, Dr. Chloe Carmichael, I'm pleased as punch to share your Rx for dating-related anxiety this holiday season. It goes something like this:
1. Understand that you aren't alone with your dating-related anxiety.
Ever wonder why dating causes so many people to stress? "Dating rolls social anxiety, performance anxiety, fear of abandonment, and intimacy issues all into one. Many dating clients find it helpful to have a roadmap for how to manage all these pieces," explains Carmichael. She recommends dating multiple people as an effective strategy for singles who want to manage the inevitable disappointments of the dating scene. " If someone doesn't call, or seems to randomly disappear after a few seemingly good dates, you'll have an easier time managing the disappointment if you've kept at least having first dates with others," says Carmichael.
Well, if you don't have a ring on your finger, there's really nothing wrong with a little winter rotation, now is there?
2. Don't use the fact that you aren't alone with your anxiety as an excuse to prevent you from doing something about it.
While it's comforting to know that you aren't the only person who has ever suffered from anxiety and that there are in fact many who struggle, don't think your baseline is normal and just fine. Don't be content where you are or you'll stay stagnant. For instance, if you've experienced anxiety about getting back into the dating scene post -breakup, you can acknowledge that your feelings are common. As Carmichael says: “Breakups are very anxiety provoking because we're dealing with a lot of sadness but one of our biggest support systems is gone- so it feels like a double whammy.” However, this is no reason to Facebook message your ex like it's your job!
Instead, choose a behavior that Carmichael and I give the thumbs up to! She suggests contacting a “breakup buddy” or a person you message when you feel the urge to get in touch with your ex. I second that notion. I say get over your ex Italian American Style- as I suggest in my recent segment on Uncle Floyd Radio-and get on to picture yourself with someone better! (By the way if you listen to the interview I come on about an hour and ten minutes in.) The point is: If you make excuses for yourself, you'll never improve your love life.
3. Do something about it:
If you'd rather not let your soul die a slow and painful anxiety-inspired death, make a plan to take action. If you'd like to get started on fighting the battle of anxiety in an efficient and inexpensive way from the comfort of your own home, check out this anxiety webinar offered by Dr Carmichael. The webinar is fantastic--easy to understand, with great techniques for anxiety management, and visually appealing too. I wholeheartedly recommend it to my clients and friends.With my discounted code "ITALIAN", you can get ten percent off any product on the site. Its totally worth it to give this a whirl.
Good luck to you and your anxiety during this holiday season. And remember, if you are breathing, you are "too blessed to be stressed"!
If you or someone you know needs help getting over an ex this holiday season, contact the BookMark Shoppe at 718 833 5115 for your copy of my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style--with free shipping now through January 1rst.