As the saying goes, besides death and taxes, there isn’t much that is certain in this life. Many times, we think we know something or someone and turn out to be all wrong.
Life has a funny way of fooling us in ways that we could have never anticipated, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Yet, there are many instances in which our gut feeling is absolutely one hundred percent on point.
The question is: How do we know when to listen to that little voice inside our head? Unless we are mentally ill, incredibly jaded, and/or terribly insecure, the answer is probably most of the time.
And, if not most of the time, especially in the times when we encounter the following.
The Sign: Also known as The Red Flag, The Sign, is usually something that is later recognized as having been present all along. When we meet someone we really like, especially at a time when we really want to have someone to like, we tend to ignore the red flags about him or her. Red flags can be big or small, subjective or black or white. Sometimes, a red flag can be a fish decoration hanging in a guy’s bathroom. Other times, a red flag can be another woman dressed in a plumber’s costume showing up at your doorstep. (Yes, I saw The Other Woman, and even Cameron Diaz looking fab with a plunger could not turn a bad boy good.)Regardless of the nature of a red flag, when you see one, put the brakes on!
The Epiphany: Every now and then, instead of gradually coming to a state of common sense about our relationships, we experience a sudden, striking realization. We see the world (and our love lives) in a new light. That wow- my-ex-really-is-a-loser-moment can hit us like a ton of bricks. Usually, the red flags were there all along, but until that one thing happened, we couldn’t see them. Sometimes epiphanies come about not when we are ready to let go of a relationship, but when we are truly ready to find love. It’s as if we can go along our merry way (distracting ourselves into thinking we love being single) until that one day we get a funny text and realize we have no special someone to share it with. Mhhm. These are the moments that prompt people to do crazy things—like join Tinder and take it seriously.
The One: Just as I believe we can instantly know when someone isn’t for us, I do think that we can quickly spot the person who has the potential of being the one we will date, fall in love with, and/or marry. Plenty of women-not to mention their mothers-report having this strong gut feeling about the guy they end up marrying. Sure, some men can have this intuition that turns out to be right too. When meeting a soul mate, most say they had an instant attraction and a sense of familiarity. They both feel so comfortable, as if they have known each other their whole lives. Other successful couples don’t necessarily know The One from the moment they met, but have what my sister likes to call “just know moments”. Basically, these moments are the ones in which a couple’s relationship is validated. Often, it’s the little things an quiet moments that make them realize why they are meant to be together.
When did you “just know”? Was there a time in your life where you should have listened to your gut in your love life but didn’t? Please share your comments below.
If you or someone you know is single and would like to be reminded of all the red flags ignored in a past relationship so mistakes are not repeated, check out my book How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style.