For most people, getting first dates is easy. Second dates are a different story!
As a matchmaker with over fourteen years of experience, I help singles navigate the dating trenches and do everything in my power to help them get second dates. I am excited to share my secrets for a successful date with you, so that you will have the confidence to make a winning first impression. This isn't rocket science, you know. But looking your best and making the best first impression takes some work. After all, it is a competitive dating scene.
A successful first date starts with arranging the date. After you and your date have agreed to meet, be sure to promptly contact each other to confirm your availability and preferences regarding venue, cuisine, etc. Typically, the couples I introduce meet for dinner--sometimes lunch.
Usually men have the final say on the venue-as even though in today’s day and age, most men still pay in the early stages of dating- but, ladies, it is totally fine to let him know your preferences, location, etc. The jury is still out on whether ordering the most expensive item on the menu is a dating faux pas! My vote is "no" on that lobster. Also, don’t be too picky about venue, as it makes you seem high-maintenance and more interested in getting a free meal than exploring relationship potential. On the day before the scheduled date, either you or your date should confirm the date with a text. The two of you can continue a brief text dialogue to confirm/break the ice or have a quick phone call.
If you choose to do a phone call, please keep in mind that this can get awkward and go downhill quickly. (Trust me: I have seen many dates fail to launch because of a bad phone call and sometimes don’t even allow my clients to talk before a date!) You should not use a call as an opportunity to ask a bunch of first date type questions. You have each other's profile if you met online-or you know something if you met organically or through a friend/matchmaker- so perhaps you can make a little small talk and mention one thing that you are interested to know more about on the date.
Please do NOT stay on the phone for an extended period of time or send more photos. The goal is to get on the date!
As for conversation on the date:
- Keep it light-hearted and fun. Get to know each other and try to avoid negativity and serious topics--politics, religion, past relationships, etc.
-Tell the truth about you and your life. Just (mostly!) the positive truth--you can talk about how much you hate online dating, having anxiety, etc, once you win each other over. :) You do have to sell yourself a little bit showing your date that you have manners, are fun to talk to, and are relationship-oriented. But don't come across as if you are trying to too hard by bragging or talking too much about yourself.
- Ask him or her open-ended questions --things that you'd be genuinely interested in knowing. Try to stay on a topic for a while so it does not feel like an interview. Don't be afraid to have unique conversations, be playful, and flirty. Also a compliment goes a long way. Show your interest and confidence no matter what happens!
My advice specifically for the ladies: Let him walk you to your car/train/home and be open to a hug and/or kiss on the cheek--or kiss on the lips if there was clearly chemistry. If you aren't almost sure that he’d want the latter, do not do it! A lot of men still prefer to initiate a kiss. As a female, your job is typically to lean in and show with your body language, physical touch, eye contact etc. that you want it. I believe men should pursue, but if you have the confidence and want to kiss him, don’t let me stop you. Go ahead!
Both men and women just need to end things on a positive note! When you get home or the next day, you can send a thank you text. Stay positive about the date-even if he or she doesn’t reply right away. Every first date is either an invitation for a second or a learning experience. When you look at it that way, you will only have success.
If you are looking to up your dating game or could use help implementing some of these strategies, please shoot me an email. As there are plenty more secrets where that came from!