A lot of smart women make some silly and quite significant mistakes in their love lives. Unfortunately, intelligence and career success do not translate into not being a total disaster when it comes to dating and relationships.
Before you or a smart woman you know tempts another friend to exclaim: "I hate to say I told you so....", check out four of the most common ways women mess up in love.
Putting Up With Bad Behavior In The Early Stages Of Dating
In the beginning, "normal" relationships consist of two imperfect people on their best, most perfect behavior. This is a time of chivalry, good manners, proper dating etiquette-think dates planned far in advance- and a sweeping any potential problems under the rug.
The dates within the first few months are generally more of the four or five star restaurant variety and less Chipotle and Netflix on the couch. Its a time in which both parties make an effort to look their best. He's shaved; sweats are left in the drawer. There are calls just to say "hi" and daily good morning texts.
Whether you have you partner on a pedestal as someone who could do no wrong or are just enjoying the fact that you haven't seen any "red flags" yet. you are thrilled at how well everything is going.
That's how it should be. While there are no absolutes in dating, it is safe to say: If your early days of courtship look nothing like this, chances are you'll be treated poorly. Right. About. Now.
Thinking They Are In An Exclusive Relationship
Unless a guy clearly states that he wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with you, assume that there's a good chance he's still seeing other women--as in talking to, dating, and sleeping with. One thing is for sure: If a man really wants to be in a serious relationship with you , he wants to lock it down. He wants to know that he's investing his time, energy, and money into a woman who is investing her own in him and him only. He doesn't want to compete for your affection anymore. He wants you to be his girlfriend. He wants to shout it from the rooftops or, umm, at least on social media.
Losing Their Sense Of Self
One of the most challenging aspects of being in a relationship with someone you are absolutely crazy about is forgetting that you should also be absolutely crazy about yourself! Self-love is a prerequisite for long term relational bliss, but once women get coupled up-and often more so when they add babies into the mix-they forget to take care of their own needs. Listen, I get it. You can't be drinking champagne and dancing on tables everyday or celebrating your birthday with an amazing ten day trip to Italy like I recently did. (Just Sayin!) But you can remember to do your squats, put on a little red lipstick, and sit on the couch just staring at the ceiling every now and then. Whatever you do, just don't start being one of those women who totally forgets her identity and everything that makes her happy.
Marrying A Guy They Have No Sexual Attraction To Because He Is Safe
At the start of a relationship that is going somewhere, you can't get enough of each other! There is such a sexual energy in the air! You are so physically attracted to each other. You feel a spark,butterflies, and the greatest excitement over, say, just brushing up against him. For some, the chemistry is so strong that they can barely keep their hands off each other. That's right: You feel like you are making out all over town, because you are! And if you are holding off on sleeping with each other, your hormones can make you feel like you are going crazy.
You should be crazy for each other. Its all so new and exciting; the early days are definitely the time to feel the sexual attraction. Sure, attraction can develop in time, but for most couples who keep that flame burning for decades and decades, the spark was there early on. If it is not there right away, it is within a few months or certainly a year.
If you find yourself walking down the aisle with a guy you don't even want to kiss, chances are you are making a mistake. A good sex life can help hold a marriage together during the tough times. Don't take a gamble by being with a guy who you have no sexual attraction for just because he'd make a good husband.
Are you a smart woman who has made these mistakes in your love life ? Get in touchfor a complimentary consultation so you never make the same mistake again.....
Otherwise.......pass this on to a smart woman you know!
Most people are full of it when it comes to giving others love advice.
So if you have a friend or family member whose advice is always on point, treasure them like the rare gem that they are!
It's not because they don't wish you well, but most likely because they are limited--as in they can't put themselves in your shoes. True empathy can be a lofty goal. Most people don't really know how you feel unless you can clearly articulate your feelings to them.
Even if/when they do know, the average person has a hard time being objective. In other words, the advice they give you is the advice they would want to hear if they were in your situation. Unless the two of you are a lot more similar than different, it is likely that their advice may be more about what would be best for them than what would be best for you.
It is only natural for some people. They project what they want for your love life on to you. For instance, say you have small children and the desire for world travel. Many may say this is too challenging or even impossible because they couldn't imagine themselves as a globe-trotting family. And therefore couldn't picture you doing it either.
By the way……
If you are interested in what I have to say about traveling with a partner or kids, check out my most recent interview, Episode 94: Keep Your Love Alive With Matchmaker Rachel Russo, on The Unchartered Family podcast.
Another reason your loved ones may give you such terrible advice is because they may be out of touch with the unique challenges you face. This can surely happen if you are single, while they have been out of the dating scene for thirty years. Or if they live in a place in which the dating scene is much better than yours. (I.e Its not NYC--a difficult dating scene for reasons which I'll surely elaborate on more on a Big Apple Stage here.)
If you are reading this and nodding your head in agreement, you'll be just fine. 'Cause you get it. And at the end of the day, if you want to get what you want, you have to do what you want.
So…….just do you!