Greetings from my home in NYC--where snow has fallen, wind has blown, tea has brewed, and deep thoughts about love were had.......
Check it out: Finding and keeping love is all about being authentic. Being authentic is all about letting go of the fear of being unloved for being true to who you are.
Since being inauthentic can ruin everything-and I try my best to practice what I preach-I am braving all with fourteen confessions that might just help your love life before or after February 14th.
But first, let me just remind you, being that Valentine's Day is only four days away, if you are in love with someone, you should speak now or forever hold your peace! Unless you are a bad boy, refer to the image above and work on your life, but I digress....... Anyway, here goes:
1. The title of this message makes me slightly uncomfortable. It feels funny calling myself an expert. I mean: I knooow how un-expert-like I have been after a bad text exchange with guy x, y, or z..... But then I realize that I have been working to help people find and keep love day in and day out for over a decade. Plus I have degrees and stuff. The title is deserved. I shall wear my crown with pride!
2. Being an expert in the public eye makes for people wanting to take you off your throne. I am aware that I am more susceptible to being unfairly judged because of what I do, as people expect me to be the epitome of perfection in my own relationships. Come on now; I am not God! I actually don't care so much when people spew judgment, as I know it is more about them than me.
3. Not caring what other people think of you is probably one of the keys to finding real love. Unfortunately, its a highly unattainable goal for most of us.
4.People are ridiculous. Yes, I think this about the people I set up on dates and coach every single day. These are good people--the kind you'd mostly want to be in a relationship with. Yet when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart, they are ridiculous.
5. A large part of the ridiculousness I see with dating and relationships stems from people letting their expectations color everything. Not having expectations can help your love life. Note: There's a difference between expectations and standards.
6. Oh, and then there are limiting beliefs. When you don't see limitations and focus on the positive, it becomes annoying to be with others who are stuck in negative thinking. (I get annoyed sometimes.) Like attracts like. When I hear people constantly complain about the negative partners they are attracting it makes me want to call them out and tell them to look at themselves. I get to do this regularly, and it is very rewarding, because I help people realize what it is about them that is broken. They then have the power to fix everything.
7. Oops-- except the other person. You can't fix the other person. You can only fix yourself. I have made the mistake of trying to fix a guy again and again. I am done now and have came to the conclusion that bad boys need not apply. Thanks.
8. I don't always let on, but I have done some pretty "woo woo" things in the name of love--like affirmations, visualizations, Reiki sessions, psychic readings, and astrology compatibility charts. I know many who roll their eyes at these things, but I have found some of this to be helpful--to an extent. I am even attending such an event-pink candle in hand-this weekend. So. Okay. Maybe I am still doing them!
9. Any friend who isn't there to support you along the ride of figuring things out with your crush/ex/partner isn't a friend at all.
10. I think technology is ruining modern day relationships. Here's my most recent example: This recent article from Intel Security shares some scary stats: 40% of people in relationships feel like their partner pays more attention to their phone than them! 33% of singles feel they have to compete with a phone on a first date! No bueno! PUT DOWN THE PHONE!
10. Also, I've noticed a lot of couples are BORING af. (If you don't know what "af" means, please don't date anyone under 35.) Here are some ideas for those couples that I have about celebrating Valentine's Day that can apply to any date night, really
11. The NYC dating scene is very rough--even (and sometimes especially) for a love expert. I am not above harassing my friends until they introduce me to someone halfway decent. I consider: "All of my friends are either married or @$$holes" no longer a good excuse! Sometimes I take those silly quizzes to find out which city has the best singles for me. (San Fran if you are wondering, but I don't buy it......) But I don't know if I'd ever really move out of the area.
12. I do think "if you can make it here, you'll make it anywhere" when it comes to dating in NYC. I am currently committed to helping New Yorkers make the most of this craziness. And, umm, not texting me ex first. So I like to participate in things like the upcoming Great Love Debate, because it helps me to further understand not only why everyone is single but to find the solutions for dating and relationship challenges.
13. I don't think The Rules are horrible. But ladies, shhh.. Guys don't need to know your dating strategies. I don't believe in following anything blindly, but I have used some of them in the past and they have worked quite well. Making your own rules based on your preferences and the type of relationship you want is also a good thing.
14. At some point or another, everyone worries they'll end up alone with cats. Yes, even me. Although, I doubt that'll really happen--and not just because I'm not particularly fond of cats. We are all scared and afraid of rejection,whether we are single or in a relationship. And we have to keep trying--no matter what our status. Because there is no happily-ever after. Unless we actively co-create it.