Ever have the experience of being burnt out in your love life? Overwhelmed and unenthused doesn’t just apply in the workplace— but in dating and relationships too.
I should know. I have been a matchmaker and dating and relationship coach in the NYC tri-state area for the past seventeen years. I have seen countless singles and couples dispirited when it comes to dealing with modern day matters of the heart.
Couples feeling underappreciated by their partner and stuck in the same old rut—on that hamster wheel that comes with balancing family and career. They find themselves going to the same restaurants, having the same fights, and being disconnected from the reasons why they fell in love in the first place.
As for the singles—it is so much about dating app fatigue! There are so many singles who are stagnant, because they can’t seem to find a meaningful connection--despite all of the options online. They secretly feel like they aren’t good enough, that they are doing something wrong that is leading to being ghosted, put in the friend zone, or taken on a rollercoaster that never leads to a serious commitment.
The struggle is real!
It exits, because most people don’t stop to think about prioritizing happiness in their love life. They’ve stopped scheduling date nights with their spouse. They’ve gotten into relationships by default. They are making decisions that fail to align with their core values. Or they aren’t making decisions at all! They think the right person will come along when they least expect it or that the grass is green somewhere else. They think: When its right, things aren’t supposed to be so difficult, are they?
Wrong! Perhaps, it is time for some reflection, because from societal pressures to the cost of living, to the mental health issues that people are facing from the city to the suburbs, it isn’t so black and white. Your level of happiness-or lack thereof-directly impacts your ability to find and keep a healthy relationship. Sometimes love isn't enough.
Its hard to stay motivated to make the changes you need to so you can have a successful relationship when you are struggling to pay the mortgage, lose the weight, raise the kids, and keep up with your overbooked schedule. I find that most are so caught up in their lives that they don’t make time for love. And, as one of my good friends always said, “If you don’t make time for love, love doesn’t make time for you.”
Could doing less in your daily life actually bring you more? Would slowing down and being present make you more “matchable” or a better match for the one you are with? Could you say “no” to the things that don’t light you up and find more joy in romance?
Maybe, it is time to let the house be a little messier and your inbox be a little fuller. To stop and think about what you really want in love and life.