When it comes to casual dating, a lot of people are half in and half out. They are just looking to "grab a drink and see what happens".
They run away at the first sign of potential incompatibility and swipe on to the next. No one seems to mind too much-if both parties agree there are no expectations-because they were never really trying to make things work out for the long-term anyway. These type of "relationships" have a shelf life, so people enjoy them while they still can. The bar is set low; so they let little things slide. It is not that serious...
And then there are "real" relationships--those partnerships in which people seem to want more. Ideally more communication, more trust, more honesty, more respect, more commitment. When it comes to navigating these relationships, I believe there are only two options: All or nothing.
Granted, I’m an extremist. I’m either cleaning my place for hours, or I am not cleaning it at all. Because if I am going to take the time to do something, I might as well give it my hundred and ten percent. Why would I operate any differently when it comes to something as important as matters of the heart? I realize in some cases, the black or white approach to life does not serve me. Sometimes there is grey area, and I'll consider that. But with relationships, when it comes down to it: You either want to be with someone or you don't.
I don't think my all or nothing philosophy about romantic relationships applies only to people like me. I believe it is for everyone! I know singles who think having somebody is better than having nobody-and a lot of people in relationships would rather be lonely together than lonely alone-but some of these people are fooling themselves! Whether they are single or coupled, fear is holding them back and keeping them stuck and unhappy.
As a dating & relationship coach for both singles and couples, I firmly believe that it is better to be alone than with a partner who is all wrong for you. People suffer too much--chasing after potential and seeking validation from those who will never give them what they want. Life is hard enough even when you love and are compatible with your partner and add a bunch of stressors into the mix. If you don't have compatibility; if you don't have love; what do you even have?
People need to really want to make a relationship work in order for it to work. And if you are going to work: You might as well give it to your all!
Need help deciding if it should be ALL or NOTHING in your love life? I love helping singles and couples get to the truth of their relationship in sixty minutes or less! Book a Strategy Session here to get started.