Are you or someone you know frustrated with the modern day dating scene and wishing we could go back to "the good ol' days"?
You know, a time where people didn't break up via Facebook messenger and proceed to see their ex on three different dating apps two weeks later?
As you may imagine, I talk to a lot of women who are really bothered by the ways technology has impacted their love life. They blame men for things that the technology has only highlighted---men being poor communicators, men who don't want monogamous relationships because of the endless options, and men cheating on their partners. Unfortunately, all of these things are a thing that is very common among single men today.
For the majority of guys, communicating via text, chat, or email is the way you talk to women. It doesn't even cross their mind to call and confirm a date when they can just text. For many, it becomes another "thing" when a woman they meet on a mobile dating app or online site wants to have a conversation before meeting. As in a "thing" they don't want to do.....
When men keep the communication to a minimum, women are forced to over-analyze the meaning of their words. Naturally, they want to know more, but if a guy isn't providing more, they are happy to fill in the blanks. So, essentially women get into the habit of reading into mens' texts. They jump to conclusions about who the men are, how they will treat them, and if they should even be talking to them in the first place.
The sad part is:
Sometimes, these conclusions may be wrong. Sometimes, men present themselves via text in ways that are very different than they would be in "real life". Sometimes, they never get the opportunities to meet women they would be psyched to meet. Sometimes, men are IGNORED.
Sometimes, it is because women are turned off by one text. Sometimes, women conclude that "how you do something is how you do everything". If he was insensitive early on, he will be that way forever. Sometimes, women realize the texts may not be representative of who a guy really is, but they have the time and energy to wait around for his true self come out.
I, too, am guilty of all of the above.
In fact, for the last couple weeks, I have been on the hot new dating app, Bumble. I signed on for the first time to see if what all my friends are buzzing about is true. I stated this in my little bio and also posed the following question: I am recently single, so why not? Of course, the app, which connected with my Facebook account, also listed my occupation as a Dating & Relationship Expert. I had to reassure a lot of guys that I am, in fact, currently single and do have an interest in finding a relationship. Like. Nothing serious. Just a husband and 2.5 kids!
Let's just say, my conversations on Bumble resulted in me feeling forced to ignore a lot of guys--thirteen, to be exact. Yes, "getting back on the horse" really can be that bad! As per my analysis, these guy can be reduced to five different types.
The Guy Who Questioned My Intentions
"Are you only doing research, or are you seriously considering meeting people?" Totally not doing research. Refer to bio, thanks.
"Are you enjoying your social experiment?" Sigh.
"Am I the Bumble Guinea pig?"
"Am I part of a research project?" Clearly, this is something I will have to deal with on a regular basis if I want to be honest about who I am and/or choose not to delete Bumble.
The Guy Who Can't Handle This
"For the record, your profile is marginally intimidating."
"Your profile scares the hell out of me."
"What do you mean you are traditional?" "Oh you expect a guy to pay for dates. What happened to equality?" Yeah. Bye.
At least they are being honest, but this is so annoying, and if only they got to know me, they would realize I'm not as intimidating as they think.
The Guy Who Has No Clue
"Send over your number and let's catch up." Catch up? Huh? I don't know you, dude.
"Are you here to help me?
"Did you have your first Bumble f**k yet?" Wow! So rude.
The Guy Who Won't Commit
"Hard to say. I really can't plan things like it but whatever happens, happens. Not looking for anything specific."
The Guy Who Devalued Me
"Well try out your pre-interview technique, and let me know how it works out for you." Reallllly?
"Spas are cool, but I'd rather create my own spa experience at home with a partner."
Are you a guy who is getting ignored on Bumble? Send me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com for some good and trustworthy advice on how not to be that guy.