When something bad happens in your love life, it is easy to get into a negative mindset.
You wonder why these things have to happen to you. You remember a similar past experience that felt equally as terrible. You decide that something is inherently wrong with you. You go out into the dating world-or into interaction with your partner-feeling shitty about yourself, expecting the worst, and guess what: The worst happens!
Do you know what this is?
Its a self-fulfilling prophecy, that's what. And it keeps you in that stuck place that is exactly where you don't want to be. If that's how you get it wrong in love, how do you get it RIGHT?
Well, first off, you don't stress about doing everything perfectly, because you never will.
And, yes, this is coming from someone who strives to get as close to perfection as she can--even when it means several attempts at taking the perfect selfie. In 90 degree weather. With crazy hair!
Yes, who I am and what I do does have some focus on right and wrong or perfect and imperfect. I do regularly talk to my clients about the Dos and Don'ts of dating and relationships. In fact, just last week, I did another episode of ThursDATE with a colleague at Lisa Clampitt Matchmaking, in which we shared specific things that people should not talk about on first dates.
As a matchmaker, I regularly share my insight into what makes someone the right match for someone else--like I did for this teen in my column at The Teen Mentor here. By the way, this one simple piece of advice I give to this teen will totally help anyone of any age determine if their relationship is on the right track, but I digress...
Despite all of the above, I know feeling so pressured to figure out what is "right" and "wrong" isn't very rewarding. I have learned that we sometimes don't realize the true meaning of any life circumstances or relationships until way after the fact. Every now and then, in retrospect, what seems so wrong turns out to be so right.
When it comes to love, I wholeheartedly believe it is best not to stress yourself out worrying about everything that could go wrong. It is much more empowering to think: We'll cross that bridge when we get to it! Our love lives can be a mystery. To put it simply, once we are okay with that, we are on the "right" track!
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Rachel Russo Relationships, LLC
28 Valley Road Suite 1
Montclair, New Jersey