No, I'm not referring to that super-hot sky blue jumpsuit that I was rocking the other day, which is, by the way, the type that makes men forget how to speak......
What I'm really talking about is the explanation and solution to anything and everything anyone and everyone wants to know about their relationship dilemmas.
It all goes back to something that is taught in just about every introduction to psychology class around the world: Attachment theory.
Now, before you get your panties in a bunch thinking that this right here is going to turn into psychobabble and a stressful summary of scientific studies done with primates, I'll just break it down in laymen's terms for you. You're welcome!
To put it simply, attachment theory is a psychology model that explains the dynamics of our long term relationships. There are just a few types of attachment that we have as adults which fall into the categories of secure attachment (the most ideal), anxious attachment (the one that makes love painful), and avoidant attachment (just kill me now).
Like many things in life, for most people, it is what it is when it comes to attachment style. But you can absolutely change your attachment style. If it is anything less than secure, you may really want to consider working with a dating & relationship coach like myself or seeing a good ol' fashioned shrink to get that all worked out.
Now, let's get to the real point that I want to make. The one that is everything. The one that calls for a drum roll, please.......
And that is this:
Whenever you have a difficult time connecting or staying sane with someone you are romantically involved with, it is because of the fact that your attachment styles are in conflict. Sometimes-like if you have an anxious attachment and are in a relationship with an avoidant who displays many of these top ten traits-your attachment styles are polar opposites!
While I am not declaring that your "match" is hopeless and you and your partner are destined for a life of misery, I am suggesting that it is going to take a lot of work to make it work. To really make it work, one or both of you may have to change your attachment styles.
As you'd probably agree, change is hard. After all, things that got started from the moment you came out of the womb are not the easiest to change.
We are all a work in progress. Whether your attachment style matches your partner's style or not, you'd totally benefit from giving this attachment stuff a look. We can all use more insight to help us improve our self and relationships.
Because trust me when I say it: This is everything!