Over the holidays, I met up with an old friend who was getting back into the dating scene after breaking up with her boyfriend.
Soon after some talk of modern day dating mishaps and why so many of us tend to attract the same (unsatisfying!) relationship dynamics again and again, she asked me to blog about my thoughts on what singles should look for in a match. Considering the fact that I've spent the last thirteen years working as a professional matchmaker, this was a perfectly reasonable request. Challenge accepted! After some time procrastinating-because sharing my philosophies on what constitutes a good match is, in fact, everything to me- I decided to break it down into parts. After all, love is complicated.
Welcome to Part 1! Before I dive into one of the most important things that I think you should be looking for, allow me to caution you against putting an overemphasis on chemistry--if it is at the expense of overlooking other factors of compatibility. I see this happen a lot. All. The Time. In fact, I was just talking about this yesterday in a fun Facebook Live chat with my friend Sal Mariano. If I can save just one more person from wasting years of their life blinded by the chemistry, well, mission accomplished.
In the meantime, when you are wondering if you have long term match potential with someone that you are dating, you must look at the vision he or she has for the future and see if it works with your own. Does she want to quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom raising four babies? Then you better decide if you have the desire and abilities to bring home the bacon.... Does he want to quit his job and become a digital nomad for the better part of a decade? Hope your passport is ready!
Speaking of travel, I can't overestimate the importance on being on the same page here. If you only like warm weather vacations two weeks out of the year and he envisions living in European cities for long stretches, it is going to be a f***ing problem. And not just because you haven't learned how to properly pack your carry on bag. People who value travel tend to share other things--like an appreciation for other cultures, a curiosity about the world, and a sense of openness and adventure. If you yourself don't have a similar mindset, you will clash. You better have other things in common. By the way, if you are looking to meet someone who has the travel bug, you should totally check out a geo-location based app, called Jetzy. It will connect you with others who are passionate about travel and increase your chances of making a love connection. I am actually attending their Pre-Valentine's Party tonight in NYC-which should be a totally awesome crowd-but I digress....
Mostly, just wanted to say this: Relationships are hard enough. If you don't find someone who shares some core values and a similar vision for the future, you're in trouble. Falling in love makes us flexible and able to appreciate our partner's interest. True Story: Even I have come to like football-shmootball when I have seen the game through my partner's eyes. And, yes, I really made that cool painting above!
However, things are just easier when you actually share some common interests with the person you love. If the relationship works out for the long term, you will be spending a lot of time together. If you've got common interests to start, you may just be well matched!