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 Do you remember when you were a teenager and you started reading all those magazine articles about how to get him to like you? Ask you on a date? Make him feel special? Get him to commit? If you were shy, you’d try to be more outgoing and flirty ..….
If you were overweight, you’d try to shed the pounds ……. If you were needy, you’d try to tone it down…… You’d make all these changes to modify yourself to appeal to him. The thing is: You do not exist to please men! Making changes in your looks and behavior is more beneficial if you are making those changes because they appeal to YOU. But, if you are like most women, you do a lot of what you do to please men. And somewhere along the way, you lose sight of what is really important to you. You approach dating with more concern about winning him over than figuring out if he’s actually someone worth the win. You do more to accommodate him than he does to accommodate you. You cater to his schedule more, you commute to him, you decide to put your goals on hold for him. You cook, you clean, you take care of his kids, and you help him in ways that he does not help out. You’ll have what he’s having, and, sure, you will relocate for him. You’ve been making his needs more important than yours. And, then, you wonder why your relationship is imbalanced or why he’s lost interest. Being accommodating seems like a plus in relationships, unless, of course, you are never accommodated in return. If you don’t make yourself the most important person in your life, who will?
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 Isn’t dating ironic?
You have all these men lining up to date you, yet the one you want to date is nowhere to be found! Most people would look at you and point out that you are beautiful, personable, smart, accomplished, and with a great circle of family and friends. They couldn’t imagine why you wouldn’t be happily married with 2.5 kids and a penthouse suite by now—let alone wrap their heads around the idea of you having trouble finding a man. But you aren’t looking for “a” man. You are looking for YOUR man! And you are probably wondering: How can I attract the right guy? You can be the catch of the century, but if you can’t communicate who you are to the man you desire, you’ll be as irrelevant as that “Dusty” creeping in your DMs. In other words, you need to understand your value in the dating game and in life, in general. You have a lot of strengths. But do you know which once you should play up to get attention from the right guys? Once you are strong in who you are at your core, you can position yourself in a way that demands attention from the type of men you are wishing would notice what you have to offer! (Bonus: Once you take that stand and make it known, you’ll repel some of those Mr. Wrongs who just liked you for superficial reasons.) Before you even think about accepting an introduction from a friend, putting yourself on a dating site, or attending an event where your “type” may be, there is something you need to be know about yourself. Its your relationship hook. Its that one thing that is EVERYTHING. Its what keeps him coming back for more—and, sorry, lady, it has nothing to do with sex. Your “game” isn’t that special, and it is not what makes him emotionally invested in you for the long term. For the record, its not your Botox either. Botox may get the guy, but it sure won’t keep him. If you want more than a “hook up” and want to hook the man of your dreams so that you can have the connection, love, and stability you crave, there is something you need to know. Most women don’t know it. But you don’t have to be like most women…… Want to take the first step to attracting Mr. Right? Book your strategy session here. Interested in being matched? Join my confidential database or update your profile there today.  In today’s dating scene, for many singles, it goes something like this:
-You feel lonely after another weekend in isolation. -Against your better judgment, you download a dating app. -You upload a few old photos. (Because no one took half-way decent photos since the pandemic hit, right?) -You complete a profile that explains that you like a night on the couch just as much as a night on the town. -You swipe right on some average-looking guy who resembles Dan from Accounting or could be twins with Susan in HR. -They write back with an uninspiring “How was your weekend?” -You can’t decide if you could tell them how awful your weekend was without sounding mentally unstable or if you should just try to withstand the small talk. -You write something back that is one part lame, one part inauthentic, and two parts conversational buzz kill. -You start swiping on others. -You rinse and repeat. -App gets deleted in approximately 3.5 days after your patience wore out, you had an ex spotting, or received one too many unsolicited photos of male genitalia. -Re-download app approximately 3.5 weeks later and wish you didn’t erase that whole profile you spent ten minutes creating. Uggggh. It is impossible to get a competitive edge in a dating scene when you are as generic-sounding as the next single. In a sea of sameness, you have to be unique or absolutely no one will want to focus on you and what you have to offer. If you approach online dating in the same way that everyone else is, you will likely get the same results: An epic fail. A bunch of conversations that lead nowhere. A string of dates that never turn into relationships. And frustration with it all. Are you or someone you know dating like this? It is a miserable existence; a competitive edge is needed. Don’t just sit around waiting for someone to save you. Save yourself. Figure this out. Need help standing out online or offline? Get some professional advice through a strategy session here. Interested in being matched? Join my confidential database or update your profile there today.  One of the most important choices in life that one can make: The choice of who to be in an intimate, long-term relationship with, to marry, and/or to have children with.
And a lot of men and women are choosing poorly and suffering the seemingly endless consequences. While I help both men and women make better choices for their love life with my matchmaking and dating + relationship coaching services, today I am focusing on the ladies. Ladies, first. Especially right after International Women's Day! In recent years, I have gone to great lengths to support other women---focusing on teaching them how to make healthy decisions with men, and, of course, choosing the most compatible, quality men to be in my database at Rachel Russo Relationships. While you don't have to make a grand gesture or focus your business on women's empowerment, you can practice supporting women by giving them a little credit instead of blaming them for...EVERYTHING. This seems to be a trend in society, where we women can't really "win". We are criticized for being too thin, being too heavy, working too much, not working enough; but I digress....... . Another way to support women is: To empower them. When it comes to making choices in love and life, knowledge is power. I like knowledge. I like acquiring it for myself so that I can be an empowered woman, empowering other women. In that spirit, I wanted to share how much of a pleasure it has truly been helping relationship-oriented women weed through all the “counterfeit” men on online dating sites and apps. In my ideal world, every woman would be able to find her “gem” from the comfort of her home—especially during this pandemic. If we desire a relationship, we should be able to find it! But, seriously, why is it SO hard for so many of us to find love online? And, lets be honest, its mostly happening online these days—when going out and connecting isn’t such an option. Online fails many of us though. But why? To put it simply: We choose THE WRONG MEN. And, often times, we stay attached to them for TOO long--making poor choice after poor choice! Sometimes, we end that relationship and choose someone else just like him. *Sigh* One skill that I believe every single woman must acquire: Learn how to play detective to determine if any man is who he says he is and if he is for her---FAST. If you or a woman you know would benefit from learning how to prevent wasting time and emotional energy on the wrong men, you need to check out my on-demand master class “How To Vet Men Like A Matchmaker & Find Your Gem Online” And, in the meantime, let's call a spade a spade: Most women aren't "crazy" until a man makes them that way! :)  If you are reading this blog post, there is a real chance you are wasting your time.
If you are like most Americans, you are probably spending too much time on your mobile device. (And if you track your screen time, the result might induce nausea!) Perhaps, you are spending too much time texting. Checking social media. Watching bad reality tv. And, maybe, just maybe: You are wasting too much time in your love life. Judging by the fact that my post above is doing better than ninety-five percent of my recent posts on Instagram, I'd say that if you are guilty of the latter, you are in good company. But, no, no, no. There isn't anything good about this. Time is our most precious resource, and if you are waiting on any person to move things forward in your relationship, you are wasting yours. Now, I am not talking about a "normal" wait time. It is perfectly reasonable for someone to build up the courage to ask you out or take a minute before making major life decisions like marriage and babies. However, if you have waited beyond a reasonable time for someone to show genuine interest or make a commitment, you'll know it. And if you don't know it, you should book a strategy session with me, because I can tell you in sixty minutes or less if you are wasting your time! There comes a point where you need to ask yourself: Why are you wasting your time? Why are hoping and waiting when the writing is on the wall? If they wanted to text you back, they would. If they wanted to ask you out, they would ask. If they wanted to make it official: You’d know it! If they wanted to introduce you to their parents, you wouldn’t have to ask. If they wanted to marry you, you’d be engaged, with a wedding date. If they wanted to have your child, they’d want to have the conversation. Facts: When you are in the right relationship, things progress. You aren’t constantly questioning everything. Your partner-nor your dynamic-is always easy or perfect, but you aren’t forever waiting to get to the next step. It isn’t a huge struggle, all the time. If you aren't making progress in relationships, you are probably making….excuses. And nobody has time for that!  I love a good checklist!
When it comes to my work in the love industry, the checklists usually come from singles who know exactly what they want in a partner. Many people get get very specific when they come to me for matchmaking--noting the age, location, religion, politics, ethnic background, marital status, educational and career background of the person they want to meet. I try my best to match them with what they are looking for and also give my insight on what is realistic vs. unrealistic. Sometimes what we need isn't what we think we want. And that is where my matchmaking magic comes in! As I celebrate the marriage of the tenth couple that I have introduced and think of the countless people who I have introduced that got into a relationship, I wanted to create a different type of checklist to help singles find their match. Above is the list of qualities that I am looking for in a matchmaking client. As I recently shared on my social media, at the start of last year, I made a promise to myself: No matter how much money is offered to me, I will only take on matchmaking and dating + relationship coaching clients that I genuinely like. I said I would not give up my personal peace or lose pride in the way I run my business to work with people who I don’t think are humans of the highest quality! And I haven’t went back on that promise since—even in a pandemic. The top three qualities that I am looking for in a matchmaking client are: Relationship Readiness, Having Their Shit Together, and Being Coachable. Without these Must-Haves, I do not feel good about working with clients and am less likely to have success with them. After all, matchmaking is a collaborative process. I do the work, and I need to be sure my clients do the work too. Because while I could introduce them all to the perfect person, I can't be there to actually have the relationships for them! So how do I find out if a client meets my criteria for matchmaking? I have a process that I will share with you. Because why not taking the mystery out of matchmaking? If you are interested in being matched up: The first step is to fill out a profile in my confidential database so I can learn some basic information about you. I do not share this information with anyone without your consent. However, if you feel more comfortable, you can alternately email me photos and an “About Me” statement—sharing the basics about you, your current lifestyle, marital status, employment, and what you are looking for in a match. If you are interested in a proactive search to find compatible matches or coaching on how to find or keep your match, we will complete an hour-long strategy session via video to discuss the type of person and relationship you’d like to attract and keep. We will also discuss your strengths and weaknesses for finding what you are looking for, assess your true relationship readiness, brainstorm opportunities, and analyze how to overcome anything threatening our success working together. The cost for this session is two hundred fifty dollars, and you can book it and make a secure payment here. After this session, I will come up with a personalized matchmaking/coaching package for you and send you the details via email within twenty-four to forty-eight hours. If you are ready to get started, I will send you a contract and payment options. If you have further questions, we can have a brief, post-session followup call—at no cost to you. Once you become a client, we will come up with a way to work together that best suits your needs, preferences, and will lead to the relationship you desire! If you want to just stay in the database and be considered for my clients and/or do a strategy session to get some advice on how to become your own matchmaker, well, that is fine too! I am here to serve people however I can in their quest for finding or keeping the their true match. If your or someone you know could benefit from my services, please don't hesitate to get in touch. Let's ditch the hate and spread the love--in whatever ways we can!  Sometimes, our current realities do not match our true desires.
For instance, today, I'd like to be working from a beach in Southern Italy-- basking in the sun, while sipping Prosecco-before a delicious lunch and afternoon of shopping at a tiny boutique, like the one pictured above that I visited in Burano. (Island in Venice, Italy that once stole my heart!) Instead, I write you this post from my couch in Northern, New Jersey---while sipping dandelion tea, waiting for my Amazon delivery, and contemplating how long it will take to dig my car out of the consequences of the latest snowstorm. Since I can't actually go back to Italy right now-thanks, pandemic-I figured I'd say "yes" to the two recent Italian-American themed podcasts I was invited to be on last week. In the first by Wooden Spoon Media, the host asked more about the matchmaking business and what my dating advice was than being my Italian American. Its still super-cute and Italian. (Wooden spoon, anyone?!) You can check it out here. If you want to hear me more full fledged in my element-and talking lots about how being Italian American impacts dating and relationships- have a listen to this fun and personal episode with the founder of The Italian American Leadership Network right here. And, then, you tell me: What's not to love about an Italian American girl!?!  I once dated a guy who asked me if I wanted to "say fake I love yous". I had never heard of this before and requested he clarify what he meant. He explained that even though we weren't in love yet, perhaps we would soon be; that it might feel good to say "I love you" to each other even though we didn't quite mean it yet.
Ummmm, no. I quickly declined. When I say "I love you", I want it to be real. Because I want real love, of course. My ex, however, liked the comfort of "fake love". He wasn't entirely alone with his seemingly strange preference--that immediately felt so wrong, foreign, and unappealing to me. In retrospect, I realized I have met a lot of people in my years as a matchmaker & dating/relationship coach who actually prefer the artificial variety to no love at all. It keeps them from feeling lonely and isolated--a feeling that is all too familiar to many of us during this pandemic. Some even prefer fake love to the real thing, so they don't have to deal with the the ups and downs or pain of loss it can bring into their life. Some people can’t love. They can’t love themselves. They can’t love you. They can’t love anyone. Getting emotionally involved with people incapable of loving is a big mistake. Have you been in fake love? Well, you probably know this. Maybe you or someone you know can use a heads up or an important reminder about how to avoid those who are lacking that love chip. If you want to protect your heart, look out for the red flags that will be obvious in a relationship. If people who can only offer fake love had a personal brand, it would be this: -They have a lack of accountability which leads to blaming you for anything and everything. -They behave selfishly and do not take your feelings into account. -They are unhappy. It is not a bout of depression, but they are generally miserable people at their core. If you see these tell-tale signs, my advice is to remove yourself from the relationship and find a way to attract the love you deserve. There are more signs, indeed, but this is the basic information you need to know to avoid a counterfeit relationship. Cheers to real love for all! Need help determining if you are in fake love? Could use some guidance in healing from its aftermath? Get some professional advice through email coaching or a strategy session here. If you are single and looking for some new ways to attract real love: Feel free to check out this live virtual event--if you are in your 20s or 30s in the NYC metro area. Outside of the age range and/or interested in complimentary introductions to my clientele or that of my matchmaking colleagues? Join my confidential database today.  Last. Blog. Post. Of. The. Year.
For whoever needs to hear this: Shortly after trading in my usual “quarantined work from home look”, and getting camera ready for an interview with a casting producer, I thought about all the things that didn’t matter for me this year. Makeup. Nail Polish. Pants With Zippers. And the people and activities that were just “fillers”. Then, there were the things that mattered a lot. Daily walks. A good Wi- Fi connection. Hand Sanitizer. Curbside Pickup. Staying connected to true friends and close family members. Relationships-even when they looked very different-are what really mattered to many of us in 2020. The desire for human connection was evident to me in speaking to my matchmaking clients who were willing to embrace video dating when dating was “cancelled”. Or dress, mask up, and have dinners in parking lots-with strangers from online dating sites-when the restaurants re-opened for outdoor dining. In the safe space of coaching and therapy sessions, my clients talked about the pain of isolation. Or the dissatisfaction with being stuck in an unhealthy relationship. They contacted their exes, wasted time swiping, repeatedly fought with their partner, or just numbed out with sweets, alcohol, porn, Netflix, or their preferred drug of choice. When they weren’t feeling connected, it felt harder to cope with all the adversity. They needed an escape. In the midst of the holiday season-with the pandemic still raging on- I am again reminded of how important maintaining healthy relationships is to staying sane while navigating the pandemic life. Has cultivating both platonic and romantic relationships been one of your priorities too? Or have you taken a hiatus? How has this all worked out for you? Somewhere between the struggle being real and a walk in the park, perhaps? The truth is: There were a lot of priorities that got twisted for people in this first year of the new decade. Many of us have never been more alone. We were scrolling for the latest election news, freaking out about the spread of the virus, crushing cardboard boxes from Amazon, managing remote learning, and dealing with the overwhelm of Zoom meetings. Some of us have lost sight of what is important, because we just didn’t have the experiences that allowed us to regroup. Often the “game changers” are those interactions that let us experience ourselves in relation to others. With the general consensus being that everyday seemed the same and that there wasn’t much to look forward to socially, we’ve needed each other more than ever. But we were “together, apart”, as they’ve said. As we continue on throughout the holiday season and close out this year, I invite you to take stock of your priorities and celebrate all the important relationships in your life. Do you know who matters, who never did, and who always will? Wouldn’t it be great if we can take some time now to figure out who and what really matters? To make a plan to manifest our vision for love and life in the new year? To just learn to be happy-together or alone-in this moment? If you need help on that quest, just book a Strategy Session here for 2021. I’d love to “see” you then and guide you along the way. Meantime, be well. Enjoy the holidays. And know that you are probably doing the best you can..... XoXo, Rachel  When it comes to casual dating, a lot of people are half in and half out. They are just looking to "grab a drink and see what happens".
They run away at the first sign of potential incompatibility and swipe on to the next. No one seems to mind too much-if both parties agree there are no expectations-because they were never really trying to make things work out for the long-term anyway. These type of "relationships" have a shelf life, so people enjoy them while they still can. The bar is set low; so they let little things slide. It is not that serious... And then there are "real" relationships--those partnerships in which people seem to want more. Ideally more communication, more trust, more honesty, more respect, more commitment. When it comes to navigating these relationships, I believe there are only two options: All or nothing. Granted, I’m an extremist. I’m either cleaning my place for hours, or I am not cleaning it at all. Because if I am going to take the time to do something, I might as well give it my hundred and ten percent. Why would I operate any differently when it comes to something as important as matters of the heart? I realize in some cases, the black or white approach to life does not serve me. Sometimes there is grey area, and I'll consider that. But with relationships, when it comes down to it: You either want to be with someone or you don't. I don't think my all or nothing philosophy about romantic relationships applies only to people like me. I believe it is for everyone! I know singles who think having somebody is better than having nobody-and a lot of people in relationships would rather be lonely together than lonely alone-but some of these people are fooling themselves! Whether they are single or coupled, fear is holding them back and keeping them stuck and unhappy. As a dating & relationship coach for both singles and couples, I firmly believe that it is better to be alone than with a partner who is all wrong for you. People suffer too much--chasing after potential and seeking validation from those who will never give them what they want. Life is hard enough even when you love and are compatible with your partner and add a bunch of stressors into the mix. If you don't have compatibility; if you don't have love; what do you even have? People need to really want to make a relationship work in order for it to work. And if you are going to work: You might as well give it to your all! Need help deciding if it should be ALL or NOTHING in your love life? I love helping singles and couples get to the truth of their relationship in sixty minutes or less! Book a Strategy Session here to get started. |
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