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 Originally published in the November edition of Our Town Magazine
Do you ever notice that people start putting things off until the new year—right about now? They may squeeze in doctor appointments in hope of meeting deductibles, but business projects, diets, home renovations, etc., they all begin in 2023. There’s also a slowdown-but definitely not a lockdown -when it comes to how people do dating, relationships, and marriage during the holiday season. Sure it is engagement season (no pressure!) and no one likes to be alone during the holidays, but it is also an awkward, anxiety-provoking time that makes some singles, well, just want to stay single. For the newly dating, the vibe can be high pressure. Should I buy her a present ? How much do I spend without looking cheap or overly interested? What do I wear to the family dinner? Do I really have to go to this only after a month of dating? Will we spend New Year’s Eve together? I think its pretty easy to understand why some put dating apps on hold, and others run back into the arms of their ex. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know, right?! Highly debatable, but I digress…. In the matchmaking world, many clients assume everyone is traveling, so we sign contracts for membership now and start fresh in the new year. For some of the “married folk”—including those who were lucky enough to meet organically or in an AOL chat room twenty-three years ago: The holidays aren’t a walk in the park either. Let’s just say you wouldn’t be the first person to dread attending your spouse’s annual company Christmas party. Wait, am I allowed to say Christmas party? Then there are fights over the finances, the gift-giving, the division of labor, and which family you are spending which holiday with which year. For couples on the brink of a breakup or divorce, it is really not the most wonderful time of year. Some of you may choose to procrastinate cutting ties with a partner, because you think it is kinder thing to do. While your desire to avoid ruining a holiday is noble, there is no good time to end a relationship—especially when the other party doesn’t welcome its’ dissolution. Considering the way the holiday season slowdown impacts people-no matter what their marital status-chances are something I’ve shared resonates with you. If you are wondering what to do, I say: Do what you want during the holidays—and always. Our love lives aren’t always rainbows and butterflies; cobwebs and nasty bugs can creep in at anytime. Relationship don’t permanently change just because the calendar says it is time to drink eggnog with Aunt Gertrude—in your ugly Christmas sweater. But they could change if you actually commit to your New Year’s resolution. Life is short, so seize the day. And, you, know, have the happiest of holidays!
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 Ever have the experience of being burnt out in your love life? Overwhelmed and unenthused doesn’t just apply in the workplace— but in dating and relationships too.
I should know. I have been a matchmaker and dating and relationship coach in the NYC tri-state area for the past seventeen years. I have seen countless singles and couples dispirited when it comes to dealing with modern day matters of the heart. Couples feeling underappreciated by their partner and stuck in the same old rut—on that hamster wheel that comes with balancing family and career. They find themselves going to the same restaurants, having the same fights, and being disconnected from the reasons why they fell in love in the first place. As for the singles—it is so much about dating app fatigue! There are so many singles who are stagnant, because they can’t seem to find a meaningful connection--despite all of the options online. They secretly feel like they aren’t good enough, that they are doing something wrong that is leading to being ghosted, put in the friend zone, or taken on a rollercoaster that never leads to a serious commitment. The struggle is real! It exits, because most people don’t stop to think about prioritizing happiness in their love life. They’ve stopped scheduling date nights with their spouse. They’ve gotten into relationships by default. They are making decisions that fail to align with their core values. Or they aren’t making decisions at all! They think the right person will come along when they least expect it or that the grass is green somewhere else. They think: When its right, things aren’t supposed to be so difficult, are they? Wrong! Perhaps, it is time for some reflection, because from societal pressures to the cost of living, to the mental health issues that people are facing from the city to the suburbs, it isn’t so black and white. Your level of happiness-or lack thereof-directly impacts your ability to find and keep a healthy relationship. Sometimes love isn't enough. Its hard to stay motivated to make the changes you need to so you can have a successful relationship when you are struggling to pay the mortgage, lose the weight, raise the kids, and keep up with your overbooked schedule. I find that most are so caught up in their lives that they don’t make time for love. And, as one of my good friends always said, “If you don’t make time for love, love doesn’t make time for you.” Could doing less in your daily life actually bring you more? Would slowing down and being present make you more “matchable” or a better match for the one you are with? Could you say “no” to the things that don’t light you up and find more joy in romance? Maybe, it is time to let the house be a little messier and your inbox be a little fuller. To stop and think about what you really want in love and life.  In honor of the recent National Daughter's Day, I'd like to share not just a photo of my sweet little girl-who I say was born with glitter in her veins- but a bit of hope for all of our daughters today.
The world is changing for women, indeed, and as I referenced in a previous blog—some of the changes aren't so positive. But they aren't all bad..... In recent years-since the start of the pandemic-the dating landscape has been transformed. Aside from the obvious trends-including an increase in online dating use and the normalization of “video dates”- there has been a change in the matchmaking industry. Beautiful, well-educated, working women-moms, ex-wives, and those who never married-are hiring professional matchmakers in record numbers. As a relationship expert with seventeen years of matchmaking and dating coaching experience, I-along with many of my matchmaking colleagues- are finding more women than men are wanting to invest in matchmaking to find “their person”. Besides running my boutique matchmaking company, Rachel Russo Relationships, I teach a course that I co-developed with the Global Love Institute. It is an online class for entrepreneurs to start up matchmaking businesses that I've taught weekly for over half a decade. Since the pandemic, more of my students are working with female clientele. I've seen colleagues searching for female clients in the private matchmaking industry groups I belong to as well. And, for the first time, I am personally matching an equal number of single men and women. I was recently asked what I think of this current trend? My response: It is music to my ears! As a new solo mom by choice- I conceived my adorable baby girl via IVF with donor sperm- I am proud to see that the future of matchmaking, is, in part, female. I enjoy working with strong women who have the courage to be proactive in their love life–matching them with strong men who value and respect them. As I told Westchester Jewish Life, in a recent article, “It is healthy for both men and women when women don’t conform to rigid gender roles. " Every woman doesn’t want to sit in a matchmaker’s database and wait to be chosen. It is 2022; if she wants to, she can do the choosing.”  Without a doubt, there are definite challenges to being a woman in America today.
As a female empowerment advocate, I see a real need for reform in this country. I think it starts with women caring for themselves and demanding better from their partners, from their employers, from their friends, from their family, and from themselves. When I learn about the current dynamics in the dating world, I see so many women giving away their power for the chance to be in a relationship with men they perceive as high-quality. They fail to realize a quality man would enhance their power--not diminish it. I am committed to helping women realize this and only seek to introduce them to quality men through my matchmaking agency, Rachel Russo Relationships--and only if they are truly ready for a partnership. That being said, I am currently doing two things to support this mission. You may be able to help connect me-yes, the ultimate connector, ha-with the right women and men who could help me help other women. Still with me? I am excited to announce: I'm planning to conduct a unique social experiment, and I am looking for three single women to participate. I figured I'd put this out there, before I go really public in hopes of finding the right mix of women. I am looking for women who are: -Located anywhere in the US, UK, or Canada - In their late 30s (ideally 38/39) and hoping to find their "person" for marriage in their early 40s -Coachable- knowing they might have work to do before they find real love -Willing to share their journey with the other women participating, as well as in a blog, on social media, and press -Believe in women supporting other women Please email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com for more information or if you or women you know are interested. 2. I am still looking for the right match for, "E", one of my most extraordinary female clients. I am looking for spiritual/culturally Jewish men in their 50s and early 60s in the NYC tri- state area. If you are a good connector yourself, here are the details. Born and raised in Scarsdale, E is from a close-knit Jewish family with loving parents who have been married for fifty-eight years. She remains close with her sister and just adores her nephews. Fifty-four years young herself, this Westchester- based psychologist and professor decided to take “the road less travelled” both personally and professionally. With a Ph.D from a top university, she’s founded an incredible, successful mental health organization that’s made a huge difference in the the lives of children. Extremely passionate about her work, E has written many papers and given hundreds of talks. One of her most important gigs: Solo mom by choice to her (now teenage!) daughter. (Yes, I can relate!) What an inspirational role model E is—a trailblazer who lives life on her terms and refuses to get stuck in rigid gender roles. Her positive energy and light shines through to all who are lucky enough to meet her. A soon-to-be-empty-nester, E is seeking a true partner. At 5’6’’ with a slender and athletic build, he should be able to keep up with her, as she works out regularly with a trainer, hikes, and even paddle-boards. Other interests include dining out, reading, and photography. Did I mention E loves to travel? A trip to Costa Rica has been one of her favorites. She’d love to collect more stamps on her passport, share common interests, and have a great romance with someone special. If you know her person, please email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com A referral fee of $250 will be offered for any dates I set up for E that are a result of your introduction. And if you think you are her person, by all means, please fill out a form in my confidential database for Rachel Russo Relationships here. 'Til then, let's keep trying to make the world a better place by empowering the women in our life.  This week, my article, "Why I Prefer To Date Single Dads" was published by HeyBaby--a new dating app for single parents and people who want to date them.
I don't think I'll be interested in seriously dating until my little Serafina is 1-2 years old-right now we are just about six months and starting solids- but it is fun to think about being able to have wine with dinner--and a side of adult conversation in the near(ish!) future! I think dating dads has so much appeal. If you are a single woman contemplating their value for your love life or a dad who’d enjoy a boost of self-esteem, read this. This piece came after another recently published article about how becoming a solo mom by choice would actually help-and not hurt-my love life. Counterintuitive, huh?! I admit that I was a little worried that it would come across like wishful thinking. This is technically a hypothesis, yes, but I believe it has the potential to be absolute truth for many solo moms-including myself-when the time is right. I do believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel in dating and relationships for single moms. Our bundle(s) of joy could potentially also bring six upgrades to our love life. Check this out for all the details! Meantime, have a happy Memorial Day weekend—whether you are rocking a dad bod, mom bod, or…working on a summer bod!  Have you come across these dating red flags?
I have listed four. Number three is my personal favorite! However, there are basically two types of red flags: Red flags for everyone and red flags for you--based on the type of partner and relationship dynamic you desire. It is super-important for you to uncover what you really want in a relationship--by uncovering what you don't want. And, if you don't want an unhealthy relationship, you have to learn to identify both types of red flags and avoid, avoid, avoid anyone who raises them. In the spirit of doing just that... I’m co-hosting a three part seminar to help singles figure out their red flags, starting on May 4th, with the first, "How To Identify Dating Red Flags: Signs of A Toxic Partner"! I love talking about this stuff. This is taking place at 7PM, EST, on Zoom with Dr. Legg, owner of a psychotherapy practice called, The Psych Center, that does Telehealth and in-person psychotherapy in NJ. To register for event: Call 201 606 2529 More info: PsychCenterSeminars@gmail.com Or, you know, just email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com and I will provide you with all the details.  My guess is that you have probably heard someone share this quote:
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” By Albert Einstein. I think. Well, judging by what I am seeing in terms of dating and relationship trends: There are a lot of insane people out there walking these streets! If you have an internet connection and a shot of courage, you don’t have to be one of them. I have an invitation for you….. Next month, I'll be co-hosting three virtual seminars with Dr. Brian Legg, Psy. D of The Psych Center to help singles “spring” into love. They will be interactive and educational, fun, hour and a half-conversations in the evenings. We are doing this because we are passionate about helping men and women find healthy relationships. There has been a lot of focus on people missing the signs of toxic partners lately from social media to documentaries on Netflix. I am not just talking about The Tinder Swindler; have you guys seen Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitive? Wow! I used to dine at that restaurant….. Here’s the deal: You might *think* you know what red flags to look out for, but your past patterns-relationship history, family dynamics, etc- could be getting in the way. You could be sabotaging and not even know it. Enter, the “love block”. You don’t know what you don’t know. Finding the right person to be your person is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Are you prepared to make this choice? We are happy to help you-from the comfort of your home-if you’d like to make some changes in your love life by looking at your "stuff". The cost of these workshops-considering our expertise and the value will be bringing-is an absolute steal! To register: Call 201 606 2529 For more info: Email PsychCenterSeminars@gmail.com If there are topics you’d like us to cover or questions you want answered, by all means, email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com with your request. But only reach out if you share my penchant for, you know, sanity…..  Do you know your dating deal breakers? If you don't, you are dating blindly, and going into each date with eyes wide open could be a lot better for your love life.
Knowing those black or white non-negotiable criteria could help you to: -Discover what you really want in a relationship -Avoid wasting time, money, and emotional energy on people who you’d be incompatible with -Prevent yourself from getting into a toxic relationship or marriage with an unsuitable partner Being trained as a Marriage & Family Therapist-with more than a couple years of clinicial experience under my belt-I look at relational problems holistically. I see the issues as a result of the systems or institutions--like marriage and family. I have my matchmaking and dating coaching clients try to figure out their own dealbreakers by analyzing their family and relationship history. Today, I will share a few tips with you, because, well, the world would be a better place if we all avoided our dating deal breakers. Let's start with where it all began: Your family of orgin. You could really clarify your dating deal breakers by analyzing your family, so, go ahead, have a field day there! To begin with, you should understand how your parents’ relationship and other models of relationships (in your extended family) impact your ideal relationship vision--i.e. what you want out of your love life. You can do this by recognizing the positive and/or negative qualities of your parents’ relationship and/or those of other family members. For instance, if you grew up with a controlling mom, you might not want a controlling husband or wife. (And if you do, you might just be a masochist!) Identifying the dating deal breakers is all about looking for your triggers. Take inventory of the qualities in your parents that would really bother you in partner. Make a list of your parents' "flaws", and, then, avoid, avoid, avoid! Focus on finding someone with the qualities you liked in your family members and ditch those bad ones to avoid the pain. Trust me, if they have bothered you in your family since your childhood, teen years, or early adulthood, they are going to look even worse on a partner. Healthy relationships don't hurt---at least not all or most of the time. To attract one, your must understand your core values. To do this, you should-you guessed it-look to your family and thevalues that they passed down to you. Choose the ones you want in a romantic relationship, and make sure you are living out those values in your solo life first. Then, it'll be that much easier to find your person and live your best life with him or her. As you can see, your family provides a lot of clues to discovering what does and doesn't work for your love life. Your own relationship history does too. If you are interested in learning how to discover more of your dating deal breakers by analyzing your relationship history, stay tuned for next week's blog, because I will cover just that. Meantime, be well! PS: If you’d like help analyzing your dating deal breakers and coming up with a plan for finding or creating a healthier relationship, remember my St. Patrick's Day sale is still going on. I invite you to a half-priced Strategy Session -with an investment of $125-if you book before April 1rst. To learn more, send me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com, subject “Lucky” for details.  This St. Patrick’s Day is a special one! Its my lucky, little leprechaun’s first; and it is also one in which I’d like to make a very generous and important offer to my loyal clients and fans.
We are supposed to be seeing green today, but what if you are seeing red in your dating and relationships? Red flags, that is. Would you know the signs of a toxic partner if he or she was right in front of you? If you aren’t certain, I would love to help you with a strategy session. Especially for the purpose of determining how you could learn to avoid toxic singles or determine if you are, in fact, already in an unhealthy relationship. I will help you get really clear on what qualifies as a red flag. There are really two types: Red flags for everyone seeking a healthy relationship Red flags specific to the type of partner/relationship you desire The first category are the ugliest of red flags and include everything from abuse to narcissism to stonewalling to the refusal to treat mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or personality disorders. The second have more to do with signs that indicate a lack of compatibility which could involve factors like a clash of value systems as a result of different worldviews or an attachment style that triggers you. Determining the red flags that can cause relationship distress requires you to be very aware of what is going on in your relationships. Sometimes, talking to a dating professional like myself can make all the difference. With a strategy session, you can see your dating and relationships through a different lens. So whether you’d like help finding or creating a healthier relationship or have something else you’d like to work on in your life, this St Patrick’s Day, I invite you to a half-priced Strategy Session -with an investment of $125-if you book before April 1rst. To learn more, send me an email at Rachel@RachelRusso.com, subject “Lucky” for details.  Sometimes people get stuck in their dating and relationships. They desperately want a change but don’t know where to begin. They feel all alone in the search for a partner-like no one they know can actually help them meet someone-or that they can’t burden others with their relationship issues.
Are some people just luckier in love than others? What if you could make your own luck? If you really sit down and brainstorm, you’d find there are many ways to find the relationship happiness that you desire—while staying grounded throughout the journey. Just like there are many ways to take a makeup-less selfie on International Women’s Day to remind ladies around the globe that real beauty comes from within, but anyways…. So here’s an unconventional tip to help you get lucky in love—just in time for that other holiday, St Patrick’s Day, and, guess what? It doesn’t involve an online dating site! Simply, find a relationship mentor. We do it in business, why not do it for our personal life? What if you could find someone in your network who has the love life that you desire and interview them? Have a “discovery call”, if you will, and find out the real story behind their success in dating and relationships. Just be curious and start a conversation. You don’t have to ask directly for advice. All you have to do is ask them to tell you their story that led them to where they are today. Then, see where it takes you. And if it changes your life, let it….. |
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