There is no doubt about it: The pandemic changed things--and the dating culture was no exception!
 
As many singles have discovered, "video dating" is a thing now that is here to stay. The apps are still alive, well, and generally as awful as ever, but: Some people are still finding success. And I am happy to help them navigate the ups and downs along the way. Sometimes the right coach makes all the difference.
 
Meanwhile in the matchmaking world: A lot of us matchmakers are wondering: Is dating officially back? Are people serious about finding relationships or will it be "a hot girl summer"?
 
I'll be honest: I am getting a lot of women wanting to be matched up from NYC, New Jersey, and Long Island, but since the pandemic, it seems there have been less men reaching out for matchmaking!
 
Hence, the ad in Newsday. Don't get me wrong: I am always looking for quality women to match with male clients, but right now I am wondering:
 
Long Island men, where are you!? I am especially looking for very successful men there and in NJ.
 
Know any? Feel free to refer to me in exchange for generous commissions. Single yourself? You can always apply to be in my confidential database here.

This is a tough blog post to write. Just weeks after I excitedly announced my pregnancy-as a single-mama-by-choice-to-be on social media, I received some devastating news about a friend of mine who was also a single mother.

I'm beyond heartbroken for my friend, Ali Kessler, and her family. Not yet having a child, I can only imagine the pain she is experiencing. You may have seen her sad story-one that marks the failure of the criminal justice and legal systems-in the news. 

Her adorable four-year old son's life was tragically taken from him--by his own father, who then committed suicide. Ali did all she could to protect her son; the judge refused her emergency order of protection. She was the best mom she could have possibly been--despite all the challenges in dealing with a co-parent-ex who was clearly mentally ill and abusive.  This is so tragic. I am praying for peace for Ali and her family, and I am sharing her story in an effort to raise money for her—for funeral, legal, and life expenses. This is the first time I have ever asked anyone to donate; if you feel as compelled to do so as I did, please do so here. 

I am also sharing Ali’s story to spread awareness about mental health issues and domestic violence. Thankfully, I never met her ex-as she had relocated from NYC to Florida soon after meeting him. She did not meet him through a matchmaker, but as a matchmaker-responsible for introducing people who go on to create marriages and families- I have chosen to speak out to the matchmaking community about the great responsibility we have. 

I suggest all of my matchmaking colleagues and students at Matchmaking Institute take all the precautions they can in fully vetting people, doing background checks, using their intuition, etc. Personally, if I have doubts about a potential male or female client, I would never take their money and set them up. It is never worth it.  

In addition, I beg all singles to look out for the red flags of someone who is mentally ill, narcissistic,  and/or  capable of domestic violence. I am currently looking into working on some projects to help promoting dating safety and minimize domestic violence. If you wish to collaborate, please email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com.

Greyson should be here today.  No parent should have to suffer this loss. No man or woman should be a victim of such abuse.  I hope you'll remember this important message and take advantage of any opportunity to promote change. ​​

Do you remember when you were a teenager and you started reading all those magazine articles about how to get him to like you? Ask you on a date? Make him feel special? Get him to commit? If you were shy, you’d try to be more outgoing and flirty ..….
If you were overweight, you’d try to shed the pounds …….
If you were needy, you’d try to tone it down……

You’d make all these changes to modify yourself to appeal to him. The thing is: You do not exist to please men! Making changes in your looks and behavior is more beneficial if you are making those changes because they appeal to YOU.

But, if you are like most women, you do a lot of what you do to please men. And somewhere along the way, you lose sight of what is really important to you. You approach dating with more concern about winning him over than figuring out if he’s actually someone worth the win. You do more to accommodate him than he does to accommodate you. You cater to his schedule more, you commute to him, you decide to put your goals on hold for him.  You cook, you clean, you take care of his kids, and you help him in ways that he does not help out. You’ll have what he’s having, and, sure, you will relocate for him.
​
You’ve been making his needs more important than yours. And, then, you wonder why your relationship is imbalanced or why he’s lost interest. Being accommodating seems like a plus in relationships, unless, of course, you are never accommodated in return. If you don’t make yourself the most important person in your life, who will?

Isn’t dating ironic?

You have all these men lining up to date you, yet the one you want to date is nowhere to be found! Most people would look at you and point out that you are beautiful,  personable, smart, accomplished, and with a great circle of family and friends. They couldn’t imagine why you wouldn’t be happily married with 2.5 kids and a penthouse suite by now—let alone wrap their heads around the idea of you having trouble finding a man. 

But you aren’t looking for “a” man. You are looking for YOUR man! And you are probably wondering: How can I attract the right guy?

You can be the catch of the century,  but if you can’t communicate who you are to the man you desire, you’ll be as irrelevant as that “Dusty” creeping in your DMs.

In other words, you need to understand your value in the dating game and in life, in general.  You have a lot of strengths. But do you know which once you should play up to get attention from the right guys?

Once you are strong in who you are at your core, you can position yourself in a way that demands attention from the type of men you are wishing would notice what you have to offer! (Bonus: Once you take that stand and make it known, you’ll repel some of those Mr. Wrongs who just liked you for superficial reasons.)

Before you even think about accepting an introduction from a friend, putting yourself on a dating site, or attending an event where your “type” may be, there is something you need to be know about yourself.

Its your relationship hook. Its that one thing that is EVERYTHING.  Its what keeps him coming back for more—and, sorry,  lady, it has nothing to do with sex. Your “game” isn’t that special, and it is not what makes him emotionally invested in you for the long term.
For the record, its not your Botox either. Botox may get the guy, but it sure won’t keep him.

If you want more than a “hook up” and want to hook the man of your dreams so that you can have the connection, love, and stability you crave, there is something you need to know. Most women don’t know it.

​But you don’t have to be like most women……

Want to take the first step to attracting Mr. Right? Book your strategy session here.  
Interested in being matched? Join my confidential database or update your profile there today.

I once dated a guy who asked me if I wanted to "say fake I love yous". I had never heard of this before and requested he clarify what he meant. He explained that even though we weren't in love yet, perhaps we would soon be; that it might feel good to say "I love you" to each other even though we didn't quite mean it yet. 
 
Ummmm, no. I quickly declined. When I say "I love you", I want it to be real. Because I want real love, of course. My ex, however, liked the comfort of "fake love". He wasn't entirely alone with his seemingly strange preference--that immediately felt so wrong, foreign, and unappealing to me.
 
In retrospect, I realized I have met a lot of people in my years as a matchmaker & dating/relationship coach who actually prefer the artificial variety to no love at all. It keeps them from feeling lonely and isolated--a feeling that is all too familiar to many of us during this pandemic. Some even prefer fake love to the real thing, so they don't have to deal with the the ups and downs or pain of loss it can bring into their life.
 
Some people can’t love. They can’t love themselves. They can’t love you. They can’t love anyone.
 
Getting emotionally involved with people incapable of loving is a big mistake. Have you been in fake love? Well, you probably know this.
 
Maybe you or someone you know can use a heads up or an important reminder about how to avoid those who are lacking that love chip.
 
If you want to protect your heart, look out for the red flags that will be obvious in a relationship. If people who can only offer fake love had a personal brand, it would be this:
 
-They have a lack of accountability which leads to blaming you for anything and everything.
 
-They behave selfishly and do not take your feelings into account.
 
-They are unhappy. It is not a bout of depression, but they are generally miserable people at their core.
 
If you see these tell-tale signs, my advice is to remove yourself from the relationship and find a way to attract the love you deserve. There are more signs, indeed, but this is the basic information you need to know to avoid a counterfeit relationship. Cheers to real love for all!

 
Need help determining if you are in fake love? Could use some guidance in healing from its aftermath? Get some professional advice through email coaching or a strategy session here.  
 
If you are single and looking for some new ways to attract real love:
Feel free to check out this live virtual event--if you are in your 20s or 30s in the NYC metro area. 
 
Outside of the age range and/or interested in complimentary introductions to my clientele or that of my matchmaking colleagues? Join my confidential database today.