One of my favorite questions to ask potentials clients in my Matchmaking/Dating Coaching consultations is:
Why are you single?
No, really though......
Why is it, that at this moment in time, you are not in the relationship that you wish to be in?
While most sitting in front of me have given this more than their fair share of thought, there are some who truly have no understanding of the reasons behind their single status.
In case you are wondering ......Here are some of the top reasons why you might be single:
You are trying too hard.
Nearly a decade ago I went on ninety-two dates in one year as a part of a social research experiment for a reality dating blog in NYC. I have since never gone on half as many dates again and never will!--yet I continue to be amazed by all of the singles I know who serial date like it's their job! One word: COUNTERPRODUCTIVE! Say "no" to swipe culture and the paradox of choice. Just....pick one! Even if you are living here. Especially if you are living here.
You aren't trying hard enough.
On the other side of the coin, you have to put effort into your love life. If you aren't doing something-whether online or offline-to get exposure to compatible singles, you aren't even in the game. As the saying goes: You have to be in it to win it. And if you are in it and your first dates aren't leading to seconds, you have to take a step back and take a look at the impression you are making. If you aren't being authentic, how will you ever attract your true match?
You are full of yourself, and it is turning people off.
That being said, if your true self is self-absorbed, tends to monopolize the conversation, never asks your date any questions about his/her self. and makes the courtship all about your needs and desires: Don't be yourself. Seek. Help. Immediately. Or die alone. With cats.
You are lacking self- confidence.
Everyone finds self-confidence sexy. But, unfortunately, life gets in the way of how we feel about ourself sometimes. If you beat yourself up because you don't make enough money, because you gained a couple of pounds, because your hair is falling out, stop right now. Make a plan to start feeling good about yourself. Get a side hustle. Hire a trainer. Clean up your diet. Start taking probiotics for your hair. (Life hack: SUCH a connection between hair loss and gut health. Read this if you don't believe me.)
You are too narrow-minded about what you want.
Lose the laundry list! If you have fourteen criteria that must be checked off before you even agree to have a drink with someone, chances are you are making it impossible to find real love. You can't just order a partner like you order everything else on Amazon! Love doesn't work that way. Also, it isn't convenient, so if you won't travel five miles outside your apartment, you are missing out on potential partners.
You have no idea what you want!
If you don't know what you want, you aren't going to manifest it out of thin air! You really must have some understanding of the type of person you'd be compatible with. I am big on singles understanding the core values that they want to share with a match. Often, like attracts like. And, well, you'll have to listen to my recent podcast interview for the juicy deets, but it is not a crime to want to date someone of a similar background! It is, however, a crime to go out into the dating world and waste everyone's time because you haven't the slightest understanding of what your heart desires!
Are you noticing a common theme here? Extremes might work for reality TV, but they don't work in the dating world. If you haven't found your summer love yet, it is likely that you need to find BALANCE.
Not to mention a good matchmaker! :)
Sometimes, it really feels like the modern day dating scene is a battlefield! In order to improve your confidence and chances of getting into (or staying in) a successful relationship-and protect your time, energy, and emotions-it is crucial to identify relationship red flags early.
You might be wondering: What is a relationship red flag anyway? Well, it is a sign or series of signs that indicate someone is not relationship material--or relationship material for you. Since I don’t know you personally, I’ll share common relationship red flags that indicate a male or female isn’t good enough for a relationship with anyone. After avoiding people who show these red flags, you will then be empowered to figure out what else is a red flag for you.
But first let me say: All red flags are not created equal. Some are incredibly toxic and lead to heartbreak. A few that come to mind can indicate serious issues. Talking non-stop about himself/herself on a first date can make for a narcissistic personality. Binge drinking on most dates can indicate addiction to drugs or alcohol. Asking you for money can indicate serious financial problems. Checking out or flirting with others can be a hint of cheating. An angry outburst behind the wheel can be correlated with physical abuse down the road. If you see these type of red flags, my advice is to RUN--fast.
Now for the common red flags…
To begin with, you have to look at how someone treats you in the early stages of dating. There are certain behaviors that show someone (often a guy--sorry to seem stereotypical) is more interested in a hookup--like failing to make plans in advance, texting during late night hours, not contacting you between “dates”, initiating conversation that is focused on sex, harassing you for “sexy pics” and pushing for sex very early on.
One of the easiest ways to determine this is to look at his communication or lack thereof. If he frequently ignores your text messages and never calls, it is a sign that he isn’t looking to commit to a relationship. If he always takes a really long time to reply, that is a bad sign too. Does he only call you from the car and cut the conversation off as soon as he gets home? Does he never take your preferences or schedule into account when planning dates? Does he expect you to constantly accommodate him? Disregard your feelings? Selfish! If your gut says you’re not a priority, you probably aren’t! (Same goes for women, of course....)
The most effective way to determine someone's intentions early on-and throughout the dating experience-is to trust actions more than words. Do not listen to what someone says if his or her actions are not in line with what is coming out of their mouth. If you can’t be objective or lack the confidence in determining whether someone is relationship-ready or really into you, talk to a friend, coach, or therapist. Share screenshots if necessary! Remember other people can see things that you can’t sometimes. You are in it and have blind spots.
As relationships progress, it is even more important to look at those red flags because they will tell a lot about whether things will continue in a good direction or not. At this point, you may be even more “blinded” because you’ll be high off the chemistry and comfortable with that person. But you have to be honest with yourself. Now that you know him/her better, are they ready to commit?
If someone talks about an ex too much, it is a red flag. If someone is holding on to bitterness from the past, it is only a matter of time before they take it out on you! Does he fail to introduce you to friends and family after a considerable time dating? This may be because he does not see you in his future. This is a sign of a commitment-phobic guy.
Other things to consider:
Does he/she make false promises? This is a sign of dishonesty and an indication that you may have difficulty trusting them. Do they withdraw and shut down every time you want to talk about feelings or where the relationship is headed? Again, fear of commitment…
To be honest with you, one thing my career has taught me: If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, please have the confidence to assume: Its a duck! All you need is the confidence to walk away from that duck and trust you can find better!
If you can look out for these common red flags on a regular basis and steer clear, you will save yourself a ton of heartache and be on the right path to finding the perfect match for you.
Need help spotting and avoiding the red flags? Book me for a Strategy Session or sign up for Email Coaching here.
Without a doubt, it all starts with your mother.
If you can't love mom, can you even love anyone?
While some people may beg to differ, I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of having as positive a relationship as possible with the woman who gave you life. Not only is this good for you and your mother, but for your partner--and, of course, your own children, too.
And, ladies, if a man truly hates his mother, please: RUN NOW!
In an effort to spread love instead of hate, here are three of my favorite suggestions for celebrating mom this Mother's Day, May 12th.
Forget those tired gift certificates. Chances are, there are times your mom is pretty exhausted herself, and she'd much rather have some relaxation and pampering. Think manicures, pedicures, facials, massages--just about any spa treatment under the sun. Actually, the sun would be wonderful and therapeutic for a lot of moms. If you can afford to send yours on a little weekend getaway, make it somewhere warm and magical. A trip to the Bahamas-with just mom and I- was one of my most memorable vacations ever! We also love to go to Florida. But let's be honest: When life gets stressful, even the Jersey Shore will do! And although your mom would probably adore a luxurious experience with you just as much as my mom would with me, she's probably okay getting a little solo time in the sun too!
Buy Her a Unique, Personalized Gift
If you would like to get your mom a gift-gift, make it something extra special. They don't say "diamonds are a girl's best friend" for nothing! But you needn't break the bank. Sincerely Silver, a jewelry company I recently discovered has an amazing Mother's Day collection! Check out the Generations Gold Necklaces my mom and I are rocking in the photo above. This is a set of necklaces for three generations of women. I gave my mom the larger heart a little earlier than Mother's Day, as she just had a knee replacement surgery and was needing some extra love. I am wearing the medium heart myself and saving the small heart for my future daughter! If you zoom in, you’ll see they engraved our initials. (And, yes, both my mom and I are RR!) This would be a really unique jewelry gift for mom and/or grandma this Mother’s Day. Have a look at the Gifts for Mom collection today if you want to get your shopping done early.
Bond With Mom
Perhaps, the ultimate, universally appealing way to show mom love is to spend quality time with her. Whether you cook for her or take her out for a fabulous meal, she'd totally enjoy some delicious food and conversation with her son or daughter. It's the simple things, really! If your mom loves arts and entertainment, maybe you can take her to a show, gallery opening, or even a "wine and paint". My mom and I are fans of a little "wine and paint" every now and then. Is she into exercise or sports? Take her to the game, take a yoga class together, or try a new activity. It seems like ax-throwing os all the rage lately! You know your mom best, so just figure out what she'd appreciate, and get it on the calendar.
I'm sure your mom will be feeling the love if you choose any or all of these options. If she is currently single and looking for romantic love, invite her to apply to be in my complimentary database or purchase a strategy session as a gift for her here. Note: Strategy sessions are currently fifty-percent off until April 27th and will go on sale again just a few days before May 12th. More about how I can work with your mom and a link to book services here.
Happy (Early!) Mother's Day!
For most people, getting first dates is easy. Second dates are a different story!
As a matchmaker with over fourteen years of experience, I help singles navigate the dating trenches and do everything in my power to help them get second dates. I am excited to share my secrets for a successful date with you, so that you will have the confidence to make a winning first impression. This isn't rocket science, you know. But looking your best and making the best first impression takes some work. After all, it is a competitive dating scene.
A successful first date starts with arranging the date. After you and your date have agreed to meet, be sure to promptly contact each other to confirm your availability and preferences regarding venue, cuisine, etc. Typically, the couples I introduce meet for dinner--sometimes lunch.
Usually men have the final say on the venue-as even though in today’s day and age, most men still pay in the early stages of dating- but, ladies, it is totally fine to let him know your preferences, location, etc. The jury is still out on whether ordering the most expensive item on the menu is a dating faux pas! My vote is "no" on that lobster. Also, don’t be too picky about venue, as it makes you seem high-maintenance and more interested in getting a free meal than exploring relationship potential. On the day before the scheduled date, either you or your date should confirm the date with a text. The two of you can continue a brief text dialogue to confirm/break the ice or have a quick phone call.
If you choose to do a phone call, please keep in mind that this can get awkward and go downhill quickly. (Trust me: I have seen many dates fail to launch because of a bad phone call and sometimes don’t even allow my clients to talk before a date!) You should not use a call as an opportunity to ask a bunch of first date type questions. You have each other's profile if you met online-or you know something if you met organically or through a friend/matchmaker- so perhaps you can make a little small talk and mention one thing that you are interested to know more about on the date.
Please do NOT stay on the phone for an extended period of time or send more photos. The goal is to get on the date!
As for conversation on the date:
- Keep it light-hearted and fun. Get to know each other and try to avoid negativity and serious topics--politics, religion, past relationships, etc.
-Tell the truth about you and your life. Just (mostly!) the positive truth--you can talk about how much you hate online dating, having anxiety, etc, once you win each other over. :) You do have to sell yourself a little bit showing your date that you have manners, are fun to talk to, and are relationship-oriented. But don't come across as if you are trying to too hard by bragging or talking too much about yourself.
- Ask him or her open-ended questions --things that you'd be genuinely interested in knowing. Try to stay on a topic for a while so it does not feel like an interview. Don't be afraid to have unique conversations, be playful, and flirty. Also a compliment goes a long way. Show your interest and confidence no matter what happens!
My advice specifically for the ladies: Let him walk you to your car/train/home and be open to a hug and/or kiss on the cheek--or kiss on the lips if there was clearly chemistry. If you aren't almost sure that he’d want the latter, do not do it! A lot of men still prefer to initiate a kiss. As a female, your job is typically to lean in and show with your body language, physical touch, eye contact etc. that you want it. I believe men should pursue, but if you have the confidence and want to kiss him, don’t let me stop you. Go ahead!
Both men and women just need to end things on a positive note! When you get home or the next day, you can send a thank you text. Stay positive about the date-even if he or she doesn’t reply right away. Every first date is either an invitation for a second or a learning experience. When you look at it that way, you will only have success.
If you are looking to up your dating game or could use help implementing some of these strategies, please shoot me an email. As there are plenty more secrets where that came from!
In every relationship, there are challenges that people need to work through. If you can learn to laugh at life, things can be a lot easier.
While no one can really predict the ups and downs any given couple will face-or if they will last forever- there are some relationships that seem to have more staying power than others.
How can you tell if your relationship will go the distance?
Step1: You can start by understanding what constitutes a healthy relationship, because healthy relationships typically last longer. If you haven't already, check out last week's blog post, "4 Ways To Know If Your Relationship Will Be Healthy & Happy". If your relationship doesn't seem healthy, what are the changes that you can make to improve the dynamic?
Secondly, you can assess whether or not you and your partner/potential partner are a good match. Chemistry is fantastic, but it is not everything. There needs to be a true element of compatibility for a relationship to work out for the long term. And here's the not-so-secret-secret of a lasting relationship......
You have the same vision for the future. If you don’t have synergy in terms of your vision for the future, that chemistry is a dead end. When you’ve met your true match, you are confident that you are on the same page. If you want kids, he wants kids. If you want to travel the world, she wants to travel the world. If you see yourself as an entrepreneur creating a big business that you work on with your partner, he or she can’t wait to be part of that power couple mission! You may not agree on every little thing, but mostly, you have similar values for the future. You can see the relationship working out, because it isn’t a huge compromise. You are truly well-matched, because you want the same things out of life. Does this sound like you and your partner or the person you'd like to be with?
Want to hear more about what I think makes for a good match?
Check out this episode of The Mountain Top Podcast for Men that I just co-hosted with Dating Coach Extraodinare & Founder, Scot McKay. I reveal all my thoughts on how tell if someone is the right match--as learned in my fourteen-year (and still going strong!) career as a professional matchmaker. Even though this episode is directed toward men, it is still totally relevant for women. Happy Listening!
Single and want to know if I can help you find your match? Taken and wondering if you are well-matched enough? You can book a complimentary consultation or strategy session on my booking site here.
Cheers to more healthy, happy relationships in the world! In life, things sometimes go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right! At times, your love life can seem really unhealthy. But this doesn't mean you won't be in a relationship that can turn out to be healthy and happy. What's "healthy" and "happy" anyway?
Let me tell you what it isn't: Listening to other people who have no idea what is healthy and happy for you.... tell you what is healthy and happy for you. Same goes for those who say that a woman has to know right away whether or not a man is the man for her. Sure, some women will tell you they “just know” he was The One from the minute they met him. But the truth is, there are plenty more women who didn’t know they’d have a real future with a guy until many months or even years into the relationship.
In fact, as a matchmaker with over fourteen years of experience, I have talked to a lot of women about how they met their man. Asking older women how they met their husbands is one of my favorite pastimes! And I can’t tell you how many women I meet who say “I didn’t even LIKE my husband when I first met him.” Men really do grow on women. (It has even happened to me!) So, not instantly knowing that a relationship is right for you is NOT a sign that you will not be in a healthy and happy relationship! It can all work out magically--if you pay attention to the signs that you are on the right track.
Now, on to those ways you can know that a relationship can be healthy and happy for you :
You feel happy and content most of the time that you are with your partner. No relationship is perfect, and there will inevitably be things that your partner does to frustrate, sadden, or anger you, but for the most part you will feel at peace in a healthy relationship. Even when there are awkward silences or uncomfortable conversations, it still feels “right”.
You are confident that your match is good for you because you regularly feel really good around each other. You have fun together and probably haven’t had as much fun-for as long as you have- with many others! (And not just when you are doing fun things, but even doing routine errands or waiting on line at the grocery store.) You can be together in the same room-not even talking to each other- just doing your own thing and still feel happy and connected.
You are integrated into each other’s life.
When you are in the right relationship, you feel like you have a true life partner. You do not feel alone--like your partner is still acting single when you are a couple. This means that you are included in each other's daily life. You have regular communication via text, phone, and in person. You know the little and big things that are going on with each other. You spend time together. He/she wants you to take an interest in their hobbies and vice versa. You meet each other's friends and family. You are both eager to make these introductions because you want everyone to get to know each other. You get the sense that he/she wants to include you in every part of life. Of course, you will spend holidays together.
While your partner may have friends that he/she sees separately or interests you don't share, you know about them. By the way, this is healthy--as you’ll need to maintain some sense of independence. What isn’t healthy is to feel lonely lying right next to someone. If you have found the right match, you’ll be confident that this will never or rarely happen.
You have physical chemistry and can’t get enough of each other! The one thing that separates a platonic friendship from a romantic relationship: Chemistry! While it isn’t everything, it is part of the glue that can hold a couple together during tough times. Sex drives wax and wane in life, but mostly, you feel desire for your partner and are confident that you always will. Because you find him/her physically attractive, cute, funny, and with the energy that just melts your heart. You want to be close. You are affectionate, and you love being intimate. Maybe you still feel butterflies every time you touch. You are both really into it most of the time. Perhaps, you can’t even picture yourself wanting to be with anyone else.
You make each other want to be a better person. When you’ve met your match, you are in a relationship that is truly healthy and empowering! Despite the challenges and bad times, you don’t want to give up--in life in general or on the relationship. You feel inspired to overcome your greatest fears and hardships, because you have a supportive partner by your side who makes you want to be the best version of yourself. And you do the same for your partner. You notice that you are more motivated to cut bad habits, take better care of yourself, earn more money, be a kinder person, etc. You want to live your best life and you want to be the best version of yourself..together.
So, there you have it. If you are in a relationship with these four characteristics, my vote is to never let it go!
Are you in a relationship that is less than healthy? Struggling to find a relationship to begin with?Let me coach you on how to find or keep your true match by helping you figure out a plan to conquer whatever is standing in the way of true happiness in relationships. Sessions are normally priced at $250 for an hour long video or phone chat, but if you book by March 24th, you can enjoy $125 in savings.
You can book directly-and make a secure credit card payment through Square-on my booking site here.
Okay, there’s no polite way to say this: Breakups SUCK!!
Whether it was a short term relationship or you are divorcing a spouse, a broken heart is one of the most difficult things to mend! In the days and weeks following a breakup, common sense is not so common for many of us.
Trust me, I’ve been there--even wrote a book about it! When we are in such a vulnerable state, we can lose sight of what we need to do to bounce back after the loss of a significant relationship. The key, ladies and gentleman, is to have the confidence in knowing what to do to move FORWARD--not backward. (As in no stalking your ex’s social media for this very reason!) After coaching tons of men and women past heartbreak and suffering through three painful breakups of my own, here are my top tips:
You must accept that your relationship is over, and there is no turning back. A breakup is like a death. I suggest that you treat it as such. It is crucial that you let yourself go through the stages of grieving without getting in touch with your ex. You may think that a quick phone call or a-just-checking-in-text is innocent enough, but trust me, it can set you back. If you want to move on, you need to adhere to a strict no contact policy—at least for a considerable amount of time. I’m talking thirty days or more.
If you are tempted to reach out to your ex, text a friend instead. (Or even text yourself the message that you’d write your ex.) But don’t be afraid to lean on your support system. This is the time to let friends and family be there for you--to let you vent, to be a shoulder to cry on, to distract you with fun, food, and drinks.
A good idea is to sit down and make a list of all the reasons why your relationship is broken and why you are better off without your ex. Read it and reread it until you believe it! The truth is: You will never have a new future if you keep such a tenacious grip on your past.
Actually, you should make this list even if you aren’t tempted to text your ex. If you don’t sit down with a pen and paper, you run the risk of keeping everything jumbled up in your head. If you don’t detangle and learn from your mistakes, you’ll just make them again with someone else. A really helpful strategy in making sense of it all is to write down all the facts and events that took place since you met your ex. You should record all major interaction leading up to the breakup. If you have an inkling that you may be leaving things out or misconstruing what really happened, you need to check yourself.
If you’ve kept a journal throughout the relationship, you can go back and reread your past entries for clarity. If you were seeing a therapist or coach when you were with your ex, you can ask him or her to offer some perspective. If you don’t have these luxuries, you can talk to your friends and family in order to validate the truth. Go through your list with your best friend, and see if your list matches up with his or her view. After a breakup, you have a lot of questions to answer, and it doesn’t hurt to get several other opinions. Once you fill in your blanks and figure out what really happened with your past partner, you’ll be more able to process the pain and more emotionally available for a partner in the future.
In the short term, don’t be too quick to get into another relationship. Just do YOU! Self-care is super-important at this time. Make your health and well-being your number one priority. Treat yourself with compassion and extra love. Do things that make you happy. Pursue new hobbies, revisit old ones, or travel somewhere special. Live your best single life, and you won’t be single for long.
Use the time to get to know yourself again and figure out what you want for your next relationship. Once time passes and you can see your past relationship more clearly. you’ll be more desirable as a single.
Unfortunately, a lot of people do not learn from their breakups and stay stuck in the past. This is a shame, as a breakup provides an incredible opportunity to learn from your past relationship, so that you can find a better MATCH. Just keep in mind: It’ll all be okay! Whether just a little bit of rejection, a traumatic breakup, or the divorce from hell: You get to DECIDE how long you will stay in pain. You can make the choice to heal. Its hard, and it isn't linear. It takes time and likely fighting with all you've got. Every. Single. Day. But don't worry: You've got this!
As you can probably imagine, people often tell me what they are looking for in a partner.
A lot of the times, their match preferences can sound a bit cliche—sense of humor, tall, dark, handsome, family-oriented, successful. Do we all want to date the same person?
This week, I’m in NYC—truly in my element! I’m on a biz trip, teaching aspiring entrepreneurs about starting businesses in the love industry. Yesterday, I taught the matchmaker training-as the kick-off to The Matchmaking Institute’s International Matchmaker & Dating Coaches Conference-and talked a lot about what constitutes a good match.
On the regular, people tell me who they want, and I tell them who is good for them.
Chemistry. Compatibility. Similar Values. Lifestyle. Complementary Personality. Attachment Style. Vision for Future. There is a lot to consider.
While what is romantically attractive is largely subjective, there are some things that we can all agree are unattractive. I’ve had thousands of conversations with people about relationship turnoffs, and there is one type of person who turns off virtually everyone.
Without a doubt, if you are heavily invested in always being right, you are doing your love life a real disservice. Not only do people dislike this type of arrogance, they often see it as a relationship non-starter. Because if the Know It All always needs to be right, then they must think that you are……wrong. Who wants to feel like they are inferior all the time?
The not-so-secret-secret is: We want to be romantically involved with people who make us feel good about ourselves. A relationship with a partner who makes us feel bad on a regular basis typically has a short shelf life. Being a know-it-all- is the enemy of connection.
So the next time you are searching for the evidence to prove someone wrong, remember that you are literally repelling people. Would you rather be right and alone? Or wrong and loved?
Fyi, you can be right and loved too…..
In fact, sometimes being “wrong” in relationships makes everything in your life right.
Happy Valentine's Day! Whether you are single, happily dating, or in a committed relationship, I truly hope that your day is filled with LOVE!
As I shared on my social media: I know today is sometimes a hard day for some of us. Valentine's Day often gets a bad rap as "Singles Awareness Day" or just another "Hallmark Holiday". For some of us: It is JUDGMENT DAY! Will he call? Will he text? Will I get flowers? For others, it is just another day. Cause, you know, we don't need a day to tell us we should love our partners, because that should be every day, and blah, blah, blah....
Whatever the case may be, I have a message for you about the point of it all-LOVE-right here. You see, I believe that the more love you have within, the more love you are able to give back to the world.And that is always a good thing!
Want to claim your power in your love life? Claim you free goodie first! I recently put out a very informal little video on how you can learn to let more love into your life--no matter what your relationship status. I just wanted to keep it real-the way love should be- and I invite you to check out.
If you want the more formal version-yes, I clean up nice- you can come out to The Great Love Debate to see me on February 19th at City Winery in NYC. Although I won't be on the panel this time, I will be mingling with the crowd and offering my take on modern day love--both on and off camera. I will be interviewed by Nightline, and they will be filming throughout the night. So don't be camera shy. This show is SO much fun, and it will teach you lots about how to successfully navigate relationships in 2019. Get your tickets, and come say "hi. I'll be in VIP! :)
Meanwhile, if you aren't in NYC but you are in a situation where you aren't as happy as you can be with your love life, I have the perfect offer for you today for some virtual coaching. To be clear, you can take advantage of this even if you are in the NYC area.
Right now, I am running a seven day sale on my strategy sessions for all first-time clients who could use dating or relationship advice. I am offering a 50 percent discount to those who book their session before February 21rst here. (That's $125 in savings, total, y'all!)
If you want to learn what you can do-step by step-to make the next Valentine's Day your happiest yet, this is your chance. Regardless, I am sending you lots of love today!
With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, I figured it was the perfect opportunity for me to help you get your romantic priorities in order. Whether you are as single as a dollar bill, in a long-term relationship, married, or somewhere in between, I personally invite you to check out "A Matchmaker's A-Z Guide to Valentine's Day". So here are a few thoughts on how to love your love life-no matter what your status- just in time for February 14th! Trust me, there's something for everyone here......
A: Always choose "love". The verb. Sometimes loving both yourself and others is more challenging than you anticipated. In fact, that's probably an understatement. Choose love anyway. As Gandhi once said: "Where there is love, there is life".
B: Bloomingdales! Specifically, The Valentine's Day Collection of The Carousel at Bloomingdales. Yes, I am a "Bloomies" girl, and I think these gifts would be AMAZING for most anyone. Looking for something a little more cost-effective? Try Barnes & Noble. They always have super-cute Valentine's Day gifts.
C: Chocolates! Champagne! Candles! Cards! Candy Hearts! So many things you could bring your Valentine that begin with the letter "C"......
D: Date night, obvs! Whether you are making reservations or making a home-cooked meal for your sweetie: Make it special! If you are ever going to be romantic, be romantic now.
E: Exes: Avoid them at all costs! Unless you are single, think they are "the one who got away", and see a miraculous change in their behavior: Stop talking to them. Quit thinking it will work the second, third, or fiftieth time around. If you find this challenging, pick up a copy of my book, How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style for the tough love that you need.
F: "For me? You shouldn't have." You've got to give love to get love, but don't just give for the sake of getting! Earn some karmic points for your love life by surprising someone you care about with a thoughtful Valentine's Day gift. This holiday isn't just for lovers. Celebrate all the people you care about.
G: Galentine's Day: Speaking of which, this is a THING! Ladies are celebrating ladies everywhere---even in the fantastic NYC suburb where I do most of my living, working, loving, and playing.
H: Heart-shaped everything. Especially this Open-Heart Necklace by Sincerely Silver. Want one for yourself or a special lady in your life? You can order here and get 15% off with my discounted code, "MTCDMP". Personally, I can never have enough heart shaped necklaces. This one is so simple, elegant, and beautiful. It might just be my favorite!
I: Intimacy: Although many people will roll their eyes at the idea of scheduling sex, it is not a bad idea! On Valentine's Day, if you have a partner, its kind of "in the bag", right? Well, sometimes people need convincing. Think the fact that sex is a very efficient calorie-burning activity could convince your partner to get "in the mood"? Check out: Seven different ways you can burn calories during sex--and exactly how many calories you can burn! Make your case!
J: Jewelry: Guys, it is likely that your girlfriend or wife can't get enough of this. They don't say that diamonds are a girls best friend for nothing. If you don't want to get her a gift that makes her question your level of interest and ruin your relationship: Put down that electric can opener! You can't go wrong with the jewels.
K: Kisses! Nope, not the Hershey's kind. You can either burn sixty-eight calories in an hour or you can eat them. FYI: One Hershey's kiss is twenty-two calories. Also, not a bad idea....
L: LOVE! That's the point of this whole holiday. Love starts with self-love, so don't forget to take care of you. Love is delicious. Fall in it. Stay in it. And if you love someone for God's sakes-TELL THEM! Life is to short, not too.
M: Matchmaking! Duh! I always refer to matchmaking as a matchmaker's Christmas, and I get to make extra magic happen this year! I just arranged an incredible Valentine's day date for one of my clients with a girl visiting NYC and enjoying front row seats at Sleeping Beauty-The Ballet on Valentine's Day evening. Maybe you are reading this thinking I'd hate the ballet. Guess what? Its likely I know other singles I could match you with that also hate the ballet! Every lid has a pot. There is no better time than NOW for me to help you find your match. I am offering discounted matchmaking packages-to both men and women-from now throughout the month of February. Email me at Rachel@RachelRusso.com for more info or apply to my complimentary database here.
N: Never give up on your dream for your love life by settling for someone who doesn't love you and/or isn't good enough for you. By the way, if your partner doesn't truly love you he or she will never be good enough. No matter how perfect on paper....
O: Online dating: If you are single, my advice is: Don't rule it out--even if you have tried and failed. I make online dating really fun for my clients. Success starts with an amazing profile and photos. I set my clients up with my photographer for a photo shoot-get them hooked up with makeup and hair- and I even come on the shoot if they are in the NYC area! I write a killer profile-or teach them how to-and even help with creating and editing messages to singles I choose on the sites. There is a better way. You can figure it out for yourself if you try hard enough--or you can hire a professional like me to cut the learning curve for you. Did I mention, I got my very first online dating client married by contacting his now wife-of ten years on Match?!
P: Phone. Pick it up and call people for a change. Reach out to an old friend, your mom, your grandparents, or your neighbor just to say hello and tell them you care!
Q: Quizzes. Like.... "What type of romantic are you"?" Google some. With or without a partner. They will spark an interesting conversation or make you see yourself in a new light.
R: Romantic Roses. Because nothing says Valentine's Day more than a dozen roses! And maybe a cute teddy bear....
That you will subsequently throw in the garbage and shred to pieces when he dumps you.....
Ouch. Just kidding! I believe in flowers, teddy bears, and fighting for love!
S: Singles events for singles. Spa days for EVERYONE! Put yourself out there--from the dance floor to the massage table. Life is meant to be lived. Luxuriously while you are at it!
T: Toast. Champagne, please. Yes, I'd like some champagne to go along with my Valentine's Day nails. But, why don't you go ahead and toast? As I always say: Cheers to love and life! Note: It's better to celebrate things that happen in the romance department when they happen--instead of bitching to your friends about how they won't happen, aren't happening, will never happen, etc. Be conscious of the way that you speak. Negativity breeds negativity. Keep your word positive and watch yourself attract all the positive things that you desire.
U: Unexpected Bouquets: It's nice to get flowers when you weren't expecting them--especially when they are from someone you actually like! Ladies, if there is a guy you are crushing on-who, say, works in your office-that hasn't quite made the move you wanted him to, don't be afraid to bring back the oldest trick in the book. Yup, you can send yourself flowers. Signed, Secret Admirer. Nothing like a little friendly competition to make a man chase you. Even one of my favorite matchmaker colleagues suggests this!
V: Vacation: The couple that stays together plays together! Go somewhere fun with your partner--even if it is just a quick weekend getaway. If you are single, use travel as a way to meet men. Business travel and conferences can be a great (tax-deductible) excuse. Last week, I was in Del Ray speaking at the iDate Dating Industry Conference and networking with some pretty impressive people. I can't tell you how many men I met, just out and about in my travels. Hint: Sitting at the sushi bar in a hotspot works REALLY well!
W: Wine & Dine: 'Enough said.
X: "Xrtra" Valentine's Day Love For You: Check out a video I recently filmed on my top tips to may lasting love flow in your life. It is part of The Love Virtual Summit, launching Feb 12-14th. Signups are still open and free for the first 100 people. This could just be the extra support you need to be able to find and keep the love you want.
Y: You know what your heart wants. Listen to your heart and your head.
Z: Zoom, Skye, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Facebook: Want to do a video or audio call with me to see if I can help you achieve those romantic priorities this Valentine's Day? I do complimentary consultations with all who are serious about hiring a coach or matchmaker. Book one here. If my A-Z Guide To Valentine's Day really resonated with you--then it is likely I am the person for you---to help you along the way in your journey of love and life.
Happy Valentine's Day!